Moral dilemma

I really do sympathise with you. What a predicament to be in. However most alcoholics etc only sort themselves out (and only they can do that) when they reach rock bottom. The George Bests and Gazzas keep going because of fame and someone always willing to buy them a drink. I wouldn’t like to be in your position and her brother has to get involved. Tell him what’s happening and that it’s causing you grief with other residents and hopefully he’ll help find a resolution. Good luck.

it has been my home for over thirty years and I love it and I intend to be carried out from here in a box and to be buried in the garden next to my husband!

Apologies I thought you meant you couldn't move as in you might if you could, if you don't want to then of course you shouldn't.

No I can't sublet it as it is on the farm and the rest of the family would be furious, also it has been my home for over thirty years and I love it and I intend to be carried out from here in a box and to be buried in the garden next to my husband!
The upshot of all this is that I have an appointment with a solicitor next week and after all the support I have received here and in PMs I have taken the decision to start proceedings to evict her the next time the police are called in the middle of the night when she has caused yet another disturbance and I have explained this to her as clearly as I can. I have told her that I can put up with her behaviour as long as she is not disrupting everyone else's life. There are people in the village telling me that their children are having nightmares because of her screaming and obscene language that can be heard from a long way away.

DaisyL i have pm'd you

I can't sell the house I live in and move as it is a family house that I have for my lifetime

But you probably could sublet it like leaseholders can

Who among us here, is expert enough to know all the ways a human brain can be damaged by drugs and/or alcohol?

The mind is still a mystery anyway, so whatever opinions we have about addiction we need to be more sensitive about placing blame or making hurtful comments.

So no matter how bad a situation is, we need to do our best not to judge anyone ....it isn't helpful.

(I wish there was a symbol for 'peace'.....a little white dove perhaps?)

xx

Same for me annep. If anything, my brother would tell me how much he loved me when he'd been drinking.

Same for me annep x

My brother was never rude to anyone. He actually was the nicest most loving one of us seven siblings - even when we were rude to him just to try to get him to stop drinking.
I hate to be rude but some people here just don't know what they are talking about.
Daisy I wish you well with whatever decision you have come to. I hope it works for you.
And this is my last post. Its making me too sad.

I have a similar situation.
It seems that DaisyL's late husband owned more than one property. There is the house that Daisy has liferent of and also the cottage that the alcoholic step daughter lives in. In this case I would try to think through what the late husband would have thought of the situation and what he would have done. In my case I know that the goings on would not be acceptable to the provider(s) of the funds which I oversee and I know what action was taken in the past. This is the line I am following.
DaisyL - What would your husband have to say about all that has happened? Don't answer me if you don't want to but think what he would have said/done

Do all ‘drunken ladies’! storm at people with no attempt at politeness ?

I just wondered if this drunken lady has been spoken to in what may be her own language. Has anybody expressed anger at her?One doesn't expect a social worker to do so. However perhaps the message of threatened eviction will not register in her mind unless she is stormed at with no attempt at politeness.

Thank you for the link annep x

I have now had some very helpful private messages and I have spoken to the children's social worker and the support worker from Inclusion (the drug and alcohol people) and everyone seems to be of the opinion that being evicted might just be the wake up call she needs. I'm not so sure. However, once I take steps to evict her it is going to take a while and she will have time to take stock and hopefully find herself somewhere else to live - she has to go the the council housing department. I can't sell the house I live in and move as it is a family house that I have for my lifetime and it will then go to my stepson! It is all a bit complicated

It did. Its called Addiction or Excuse.

I hope this link works.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201208/addiction-or-excuse%3famp

Addiction is now recognised to be a common psychological symptom that is very much a part of the human condition. In reality addiction is no different from other compulsive behaviors like drinking coffee, shopping, exercising, or cleaning; although of course addiction to drugs and/or alcohol usually creates more serious problems. However, it is in essence no different to these other common behaviors. When addiction is understood to be a compulsive behavior (similar to hoarding) there is no cause to justify moralizing about people who engage in addictive acts and every reason to offer appropriate help and support.

GabriellaG, you mentioned habitual users of drugs in your posting. I don't actually care if alcohol and drug abuse are cassified as illnesses or not but believe they need treating and that your simplification of them as being habits that have knowingly been allowed to escalate says more about you and how you feel about addicts than contributes to the thread, where the OP is in genuine distress about her stepdaughter.

DaisyL, you say that your stepdaughter says that if she goes into rehab, she will drink again as soon as she leaves. However, if you could get your stepdaughter into rehab, it may get her to re-evaluate her actions and start her on the road to recovery. It is difficult to get someone into rehab though and incredibly expensive if you have to pay for it.

I'm so sorry for DaisyL, paying the emotional price for caring about an addict, for her stepdaughter and especially her stepdaughter's children. I think it demonstrates that the power of addiction is greater than parents' love for their childen. I can't imagine that the glasses of wine that I used to enjoy could have the ability to stop me caring about my child. It must be a terrible force indeed.

Then, even if the addict beats their addiction, they have a battle to live a normal life in a society where alcohol is everywhere and where they will always be condemned for their 'weakness' and/or 'choice' to become addicted to a substance that most of us commonly enjoy.

I'm too wily to bite the bait.

* many more, not a many more.

NanaMacGeek
I think you might elicit a many more answers to your problem if you started another thread about addiction to pain relief.

GabriellaG, how do you view someone who has been prescribed opiates for pain by their GP and then become addicted to them? I'm just curious.

Anniebach
Drinking to excess is NOT an illness any more than an habitual user of drugs has an illness. You may like to think it sounds better than admitting that someone is an alcoholic but the bare truth is that neither of the above are illnesses. They are habits that have knowingly been allowed to escalate.
I feel sorry for people who can't face facts unless packaged in words that sound more acceptable.
When you do the 12 steps you are not allowed to say 'My name is X and I have an illness', you say '...and I'm an alcoholic'.