Moral dilemma

I've always thought that sympathising, empathising or simply sharing sad or happy experiences is a perfectly valid way to contribute to a GN discussion.
I have never seen anyone demand that a poster should only post if they can offer a black or white straight answer to an op. Otherwise cease posting!
(I assume that's what the rather crude reference to pots and pissing meant!)

Apologies from me if I sounded rude! You didn't offend at all Misadventure. I was letting you know that I understood what you were saying about problem neighbours. Its difficult to say what you mean sometimes when writing.

Point taken annep and apologies if I've offended.
It wasn't my intention, but I didn't read the whole thread.

Now I am concerned I spoke as a mother not a step mother

In Europe a person with alcohol dependency can be taken to a centre, a family can ask a loved one be taken into a safe place, not here. Getting into rehab is s battle

I couldn't evict my husband’s child ( a grown woman I realise) especially one with mental health problems and an alchoholic.
I think I would make the cottage over to her brother and then move house yourself.

MissAdventure its not good having problem neighbours and I've been there, but they could try to think of what this lady is going through. Getting nasty emails is the last thing she needs.
Alexa you would think if they are a danger to themselves this could be done. And made todo rehab. Too costly maybe? I think the authorities just want to ignore it as much as possible.

I think it wrong to say ‘probably with other addicts’ or ‘ probably sleeps rough some nights’. This causes more fear.

And I think classing all people with alcohol dependancy the same is wrong.

annep, thank you. I can understand your marriage falling apart , and so sorry your brother died from this cruel illness.

Anniebach I just read your last post. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I have lost a dear friend and lovely brother to alcohol but to lose a daughter is so much worse. My marriage fell apart because my husband became addicted. He almost burnt our house down. He is married to a heavy drinker now and they are very sad people. It really annoys me when people give opinions who don't understand the addiction and what you go through to try to help and the heartbreak.

Are people who are intent upon killing themselves by alcohol ever 'sectioned' and admitted to residential care?

When I had terrible neighbours it actually wasn't all I had to cope with.
Mind you, mine lived in the flat above mine.

This is how I see it and you may not agree.
Sometimes you can't or shouldn't tell people what to do. That is still an answer. Daisy should really decide herself whether to evict or not. Its not a decision imo that others should make. All you can do is offer your experience sympathy and general advice and say the person must do what is right for them. As for the neighbours they should show more understanding. They must know Daisy is stressed. If this is all they have to cope with in life, annoying as it is, they are getting off lightly. As it is her stepdaughter she may not feel so responsible for the outcome but ultimately she is the one who has to live with the consequences of her actions as do we all. She must do what feels is best for her and not feel guilty if she has done as much as she can cope with.
I think some people need to calm down. Its not helpful and may make Daisy feel worse.

Annie I don’t think Notanan is judging she is just being realistic about the situation & is quite right that until a person is absolutely ready they cannot be helped. supported yes, watched out for yes but those around them are the ones who need safeguarding from being drawn into a situation they have no control over until or if & when that person is ready.

I am not a delicate little flower notanan, I am/was the mother of a much loved daughter who was bipolar and started on the road to alcohol dependency when her GP advised her to relax with a glass of wine. I took all judgemental opinions such as yours for ten years.

She reached rock bottom last November at 5 am, not drunk , she jumped from a bridge into a river.

Untill ‘experts’ like you stop treating people like my darling daughter as ‘just one of a kind’ and remember they are human beings with their own troubles just like the rest of us.

In honesty it was the likes of judgements like yours which helped my child to the bridge .

Nothing more to say to you. I hope you no longer help! people with problems, things need to move on if troubled people and their families are to receive help.

I told her to piss or get off the pot :-P not to piss off

As in, rather than just repeatedly blasting JUDGEMENTAL at me, how about responding to the posts that you disagree with with your differing point of view, as that would actually add some value to the discussion from the OP's point of view.

E.g. If you disagree with me when I say that if the DSDs addiction is at the point where she lost het children, ran a house into the ground, and is having the police round, then she is likely already putting herself in other risky situation like and/or including hanging out on the streets...
...if you disagree with with that and think that she sounds like the DSD is staying safe in the cottage then by all means SAY SO

Thats what piss or get off the pot means! Are you in the discussion or not?

I dont think I ever mentioned "tough love"
No, you didn't which is why my mention was in a new paragraph rather than directly referring to you. If you think it was pointed at you, I apologise.
she can't be THAT much of a delicate flower
No but she is somebody who has gone through a tough ordeal so maybe telling her to 'pis off' isn't necessary. I haven't called you out on asking her to quantify her criticisms, as you have every right to do so. You just don't need to be quite so foul mouthed with it. She also critiqued what Gabriella said who managed to respond in a reasonable fashion even though she has a different view about alcoholism than some of us.

I disagreed with one other poster, she didn’t throw a wobbly.

& are you saying that the OP SHOULD feel guilty if anything bad happens to the DSD as a result of her addiction?

Because that was the actual context of the snippet you latched on to. So put your money where your mouth is and say what you think if you are going to derail this thread over and over with out of context quotes from me!

Yeah EVERYone gets it now you disagree with me Annie...do you have anything to ADD to help the OP now? Some alternative suggestions maybe?

And there was context (which yiu repeatedly ignore) I was quoting where the OP felt guilt that eviction would put the girl at risk, I said that as she is already doing risky chaotic behaviours anyway the OP can not hold herself responsible. She gave her a place to stay but the step daughter is still putting herself at risk regardless.

Now leave me alone. I came here to support the OP. Unless you are going to join in and do the same why are you here?

Hell bells, I didn’t pounce on yours, I thought your post was judgemental and said so. I have looked again and only read the girls boyfriend has an alcohol problem. Not she was out and about mixing with other addicts , you also said it wouldn’t surprise you if the girl wasn’t sleeping rough some nights anyway . This was judgemental.

My thoughts do go out to you Diana, especially as thread has turned into a bit of a spat between two. Not helpful.
I have an elderly friend who has for years dealt with an alcoholic grown-up daughter. Nothing they’ve done has helped. They’ve endured physically very abusive boyfriends, theft, prison, repeated paying for rehab. He is a broken man. His wife will still not give up on her, but it is their daughter.
Personally, I would evict your step daughter but get her in touch with any useful agencies and her brother before you do. Or your twilight years will end up as sad as my friend’s. He was such a lovely sociable person. Now he refuses to go out.
Understand you feel an obligation to your late husband, but ultimately she is not your daughter and I think it’s time to think about yourself and your future.

Despite many posters saying "evict" Annie picks me out for being wrong to say so...she can't be THAT much of a delicate flower who needs you to defend her if she goes around singling posters out like this. It is not treating her badly to ask her to quantify her criticisms.

I dont think I ever mentioned "tough love" and I didn't pounce on Annie's posts, she pounced on mine, just for the sake of it, without offering any sort of constructive alternative view. Just repeatedly telling me I'm wrong without offering up what she thinks would be preferable.

I would evict her. The cottage is to provide a income for you.Sound like she has had help but rejected it.

Neighbours are complaining as she is disturbing them, and having lived next to someone like that I can understand why. This must add more stress to your life.
You must in the end do what you feel, but take into account you do not need the stress.
I have sympathy for the lady, but my sympathy extents to you and the neighbours she disturbs, and as you said her brother does not involve himself as much now as she probably will not change and he has the sense to see it.

Notanan2, what a pleasant little soul you are. I dread to think what you were like when you were working with the homeless and addicted. If your treatment of Annie is anything to go by, its not inspiring.
I know from my experience that tough love can sometimes make things worse even though it might be given for the best of reasons.