How did the war influence our parents and how they brough us up

Thank you for starting this thread. It is fascinating hearing all the different experiences.

Luckygirl, I don't really know if the war had an effect on my mother - more so the family life she had.

She was, and still is, not affectionate towards me, my sister & brother. Brother has nothing much to do with her, but my sister and I have supported her throughout her life since my father died 40 years ago.

Despite marrying again within three years of his death, she has a 'chip on her shoulder' citing all the things she missed out on and couldn't have because of the war, but has treated herself every year since.

I find her a very difficult person, who can find fault in everyone and everything when she sets her mind to it, which is most of the time.

I am now at an age where I simply cannot be bothered with this behaviour. She will not change.

My mum was born in 1920 and was in the London Fire Service in the Blitz. She came home one day to be told by her mother that she was evacuating so she had to find somewhere to live. She joined the army where they taught her to drive 3 ton lorries - she was a tiny 5foot 2 inches. Then she went to Northern Ireland driving ambulances. After that she went to Essex where she met my dad who was an officer in the army. They married so she had to leave the army and live with his parents. After the war my dad went back to uni to get a teaching diploma by which time they already had me. He got a job in London and we were desperately poor living in a small flat. Despite all that my mum and dad were very loving and caring. My dad died recently but my mum is still alive although she has forgotten all her amazing experiences which I find sad.

My mum was only 7 when war broke out but dad was prisoner of war in Burma under the Japanese .
He never spoke about it-they were told not to as it would upset their families--until just before he died.
He was a lovely kind man but now I know what he went through it breaks my heart.

My father was in the Merchant Navy during the war and to he was loving and generous when on leave. Mum was lovely, she was one of those people who could turn her hand to anything, so clearly the war did not affect them. Some people are just not very nice, war or no war!!!

To all intents and purposes, I didn't have a father until I was 5. He was away in the army in the UK from 1942 to 1945. My parentsmarried in 1942 but saw each other for leaves, occasional holidays where he was posted and odd weekends and managed to conceive two children, then in 1945 he was sent to India/Pakistan, first as part of the operation that defeated the Japanese and was still in the country for partition, returning in late 1947.

I am not sure that it affected their parenting in any way. The stress of living in south London during the blitz and during the V1 and V2 rocket operations ruined my mother's sleep for the rest of her life and made her more of a worrier than she already was, and she admitted that adjusting to married life, having lived apart for the first seven years, bringing up two children as a lone parent for 5 of them was not easy. But they got through it and were devoted to each other.

As others have said our parents generation were not a generation of overtly affectionate parents. But my abiding memory of my childhood is of feeling utterly secure, knowing my parents would always be there for me. No matter what I did, or how I offended their standards or morals, they would always stand by me and support me.

My Mum was about 14 when the war started. To this day (88) she is still “make do and mend” and won’t throw a thing away. She is well off, but sometimes when I go to pick her up I am aghast at what she has on, old or repaired clothes, and at times I’ve even told her that if she dosnt go and change I’m not going out with her. She does have lovely clothes as her and Dad were ballroom dancers, so always well turned out and dressed up ! Her house is full of stuff she never uses, but it’s all saved “just in case” !!

Luckygirl I had to double check your post to see if I'd written it! Our family histories, and experiences, are strikingly similar. This bit "^My mother was in the land army, and TBH I think she rather enjoyed it and was bored and frustrated when she left. She certainly had a huge chip in her shoulder about women's role in the world - and this definitely influenced her poor relationship with my Dad. We children were caught in that crossfire.^" is uncannily similar.

They were the generation who could not spend; they saved everything because who knew what the next shortage would be. My parents recycled long before it was invented; nothing went to waste and very little went in the dustbin.
I think my mother enjoyed the war; she had a good job running the local food office, her own car and a good salary. She had me at the end of the war but kept her job until the food office, and the nurseries, were closed down and she was reluctantly transmogrified into a housewife.
She was determined that I would have a good education as a step to a career, and was a firm believer in women's equality, for which I am eternally grateful.
My father regarded the war as an interruption to his job, in retail, and never saw a shot fired in anger.
I don't think either of them lost anyone close to them as a result of the war, which must influence people's views.

The "not spend" bit definitely resonates with me. My father chanted the "waste not, want not" litany ad nauseam. We never ate out in any way at all - "why pay cafe prices when you can cook it yourself?" I marvel at my AC as they happily go off for Sunday lunch somewhere, or off to MacDonalds after school - not something that would ever have happened in my family. I do think that has rubbed off on me - I cannot bear to see anything wasted and frequently have to bite my tongue in order not to be a total pain to those around me.

I was also intrigued that I was surrounded by children of my age at school and not one had lost a parent in the war, and they mostly had a full complement of GPs.

I forgot to mention that my mother in particular was brought up in a very Victorian way. Definitely no kissing and cuddling. I don’t really remember her kissing me until I had my first child. This didn’t bother me at all. I knew perfectly well she loved me.

My father was more cuddly when I was little, as a reaction against his very strict upbringing. I suspect this didn’t stretch to my brother.

To this day I am not keen on the routine kissing between friends and acquaintances that seems compulsory nowadays.

That was much the same for me Coconut when my Mum died and I cleared the house I found many presents I had bought her still wrapped in tissue paper, nighties, cardigans scarves , jewellery etc. All unused, unworn. Money hidden round the house as she didn't believe in cheques and liked to pay cash for everything. My mother was by no means hard up so I can only assume this was post war thrift.

My Mum was severely affected by the war as as she was married for one week and her husband was sent to El Alamein and was killed a few weeks later.
She met my Dad some years after, however, she was the youngest girl of 12 children and her life was spent doing what she was told to do by her sisters who were nearly 20 years older, she suffered badly from depression all of her life.

My Dad never spoke about the war, he was in Burma.

They were both very loving parents, but my mothers family treated her like a skivvy until they died.

I think her attitudes were formed by her family rather than the war.

My Mum was in London and my Dad in a reserved occupation on an Essex farm. Until they married in 1943 my Mum worked in a factory and often talked about standing on a bridge to check her parents house was still there when she returned from a shift. After they married they moved to the farm. my dad was in the Home Guard so often out at night, he rarely mentioned it and didn't want the medal issued at the end of the war. There were near misses, I remember hearing about a roof falling on my Dad when a bomb exploded close by and them both being machine gunned walking to their home.

They were resilient, calm and hard working people who were self sufficient emotionally and so not overly demonstrative. Born after the war I felt both loved and secure, boundaries were clear and there was fun along with the need to work in and out of the home. They were a strong team, unfailingly supportive of each other with quietly shared goals which were all about security for the future.

Food, a roof over our heads and good shoes for me were the top priorities. There were few luxuries, a rare treat was a drink while we were out, meals simply didn't happen except at Christmas when my Mum and I had a shopping trip and a sandwich in a small cafe. They would be horrified at what they would view as the waste of money now when our young ones ask for food and then don't eat it.

They were always careful with money, it was important not to be in debt, my Mum died first and my Dad became very distressed as the little capital he had dwindled. We were never allowed to help him, pride and a belief in self sufficiency wouldn't allow.

Their belief in the family unit was strong and clear, they taught me to respect others, to be kind and to work hard. I absorbed their belief in the importance of having a safe, secure home and enough to eat. They shared my delight when the day came and our mortgage was paid - no one could take our home away.

I wonder now what they didn't say about their war time experiences.

My mum was fabulous. Warm, caring, loving and I think she was so eager to create a perfect family home because she never had one. Sent away to a strict Catholic convent when she was 7, she spent all her time there as her parents had split up and neither of them visited nor was she able to go home to either of them.
She was there for 10 years, left at 17, got a job dealing with bonded warehouses then met her first husband who was in the Australian navy. Long story short, he 'disappeared' and mum later met my dad who was in the RAF and we lived on a USAF base...no shortages there
Mum never worked again until dad died. I suppose I never really appreciated our happy homelife until I was a mum myself.

During the depression, my DM stayed at home and helped her mother out while her sister and two brothers went out to work. She met and married my Dad at the beginning of the war and was always reluctant to spend any money on herself no matter how much my Dad urged her to do so. She was a good home maker, managing to make nice cakes with wartime supplies. Dad was in the Home Guard as he was in a reserved occupation, so we were never without our two parents. Even though Dad had a good, well paid job and inherited some money when his father died, Mum was still good at make-do-and mend. She made lovely clothes for me and my sisters from remnants of material sold 'off coupon' by a gentleman who came round with a big suitcase full of lovely cottons. I can't say that this ethos has really made its mark on me, though one of my sisters is much more like our Mum, despite being quite well off herself.
On reflection, we were a very lucky family.

Cornergran
"Their belief in the family unit was strong and clear, they taught me to respect others, to be kind and to work hard. I absorbed their belief in the importance of having a safe, secure home and enough to eat"
That resonates with me too.

My Parents were both 13 in 1939, Dad lived in a small Lancashire Town; Mum lived in a small Yorkshire Village about 7 miles away.

I was born in 1955, Mum had to give up her job as a Solicitor's Clerk before I was born, Dad always worked. We were fairly self-sufficient, grew lots of our fruit & veg. Nothing was thrown away, re-cycling everything possible. I still carry this on & am astounded at how much food my DD wastes & the times they eat out compared to my childhood. Our parents definitely weren't as "touchy feelly" as my generation & today's generation. I had a wonderful childhood & still have a great relationship with my DM (she's 89 now)

Mum was 18 at the start of the war and working at the local provincial market NE town's steel rolling mills as a secretary having trained between the ages of 14-16 at the local Pitman's College. She was ace at shorthand! She was also in the fire watch team. She lived at home with her widowed mother, a seamstress. Her oldest sister was teaching, had a baby in 1942 and had to go abroad, leaving her son with her mother and sister (my mum) to raise. Mum's middle sister was in the WAF. Mum was also involved in some national savings campaign and went to a garden party at Buck House after the war as reward for raising a large amount of funds.
Mum was a warm and loving , though self effacing, woman. Very efficient and organised and had an inner strength. After the war she met and married dad, a foreigner, and moved to London ad 6 years later, I was 7 and brother almost 1 yr, she was off to Africa! She found it hard to adapt to colonial life especially as many other ex-pat women were 'middle class' . She loved to play with me and my brother, we read together and spent ages doing crafts! She was house proud and was a real mix of both female leads in The Good Life! She could be mischievous, was a great dancer but tried hard to do things 'properly'! I think the war built up my mum's resilience and her open mindedness. She hated injustice, racism and snobbery!

DH's father was in a reserved occupation - building tanks at Vauxhall's Luton plant. My DMiL often described the time, shortly after her marriage when the Vauxhall plant was subject to a targeted and prolonged bombing attack. The plant is in a valley and from their flat on top of a hill she stood and watched the bombing, with one phrase running through her head again and again 'My husband is down there, my husband is down there.....' Thankfully he survived unscathed, otherwise there would have been no DH for me.

Again I do not think the war affected their parenting, that was far more affected by the uncertainty of DFiL's work. Car manufacturing was seasonal work, I can remember the car worker strikes of the 50s and 60s for a guaranteed week and guaranteed wage. DMiL was a teacher so her wage was regular, but money was very tight when DH's father wasn't working and was reliant on a day wage for casual labour, if he could get it. and DH is still scarred by his mother's tendency to economise on school uniform, not buying proper footballs boots (a game DH hated anyway) and not always having exactly the right sports gear.

I suspect my MiL had a different war experience. She had 3 children, a husband in the RAF (engineer) in N Africa and Italy. She was living in Sth London. The 3 kids were evacuees in Wiltshire so a tough war for her. She worked throughout the war once children were evacuated. DH was a demob baby and a bit of a surprise. MiL was 41 when he was born 10 years after his closest sibling! There were regrets..just about to buy a small house when war broke out and so stayed in the 4 rooms (shared bathroom) they rented in an Edwardian villa until rehoused in 1966 to a top floor flat opposite Wandsworth nick where she died aged 98. She was also loving but also quite reserved & what at one time was described as 'respectable working class' ..always tidy and well presented, housework done, dinner cooked. She was lovely!

My mum and dad were both in the RAF in the war, which is how they met. Mum’s family were from London, and my aunt told me once they all thought dad was a country bumpkin (he came from Reading). I think it must have been the same aunt who told me mum worked as a cinema usherette before joining up, and how she had to walk home during an air raid. Neither of them spoke about the war, at least until mum died, then dad told my brother and myself a few stories of when he was in France,sleeping under a lorry and waking to the sound of Germans marching past them.
I don’t think mum was a natural mother (something I only appreciated when I had my own children), we had most of our cuddles from dad.

My mum was in the ATS and enjoyed the freedom away from home. Her wages were her own, she was mixing with young women from different parts of the country and had a 'good war'. She said when the men started returning from the Japanese prisoner of war camps, they were housed at the opposite end of the camp but there screams and sobs during nightmares could be heard everywhere. When she returned home after the war, she announced she'd no longer tip her wage up to her father every week, to receive a small amount of pocket money. She decided she'd pay a certain amount of housekeeping to her mum instead. grandpa was shocked but accepted this. Her plan was swiftly adopted by her younger brothers and sisters.
My dad was in the Home guard then a Royal Marine. Like almost everyone else's father to my knowledge, he rarely spoke of the war. He did say that Hitler had to be stopped. Both of them talked about the Labour government after the war, the introduction of the NHS and how wonderful that was.
Both my parents were physically and emotionally warm and demonstrative. I felt safe, no one hit us and being shouted at was a rare occurrence. Dad could 'have a word' and mum could give you a look. Despite the absence of hitting or high levels of discipline, that was enough.
Happy days, very lucky.

All very similar stories how our parents coped with war and made the best of what they had, in many cases that was next to nothing. In 1940 after Dunkirk everyone was terrified of invasion by the Nazis, thankfully it didn't happen to us we were never occupied.
But the rest of Europe was and we've all heard of the forced labour, deportations and persecution that the civilians had to endure. Memories are long and on the continent they have a completely different view of a United Europe compared to most of us.

My parents were EastEnders so the Blitz had a massive effect on the whole extended family during (repeatedly bombed out of their homes) and post war in terms of housing and jobs. Dad joined the Navy at the start of the war and absolutely loved it wanting to carry on afterwards but was not given that opportunity. Mum was in the ATS and sent to Leicester which she liked too- she would have liked to stay in but as she had got married during the war that wasn't allowed. I think what really affected my parents was the fact that there was no housing to be had so we moved to Clacton to rent a cottage which an Aunt had wangled for them which they both hated - Mum more so, Dad always made the best of his lot. My brother hated it so much he joined the navy and Mum then went into a dark depression which she took out on me. Not a happy childhood.