For those needing a smile ??

Where there's a will..... there's a long lost family

absolutely fabulous thank you

I love these - have had a good chuckle.
May I offer a naughty one which I heard?
‘ A bird in the hand is no better than a lark in a bush ‘
‘

Fantastic Maw - made my day!

Thanks a lot Maw they are wonderful - all of them, and I haven't laughed so much for a while!

Groucho Marx was famous for these too. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.... but this wasn't it!" (Maw made a typo btw, they are paraprosdokian)

I loved these Maw!
Would you mind if I spread the word?
They brightened up my morning, sometimes this is just what we need in these days of Brexit gloom

Thanks Maw I have loved reading them. Brilliant.

A friend of mine filling in a form when attempting to take out a Life Insurance policy was faced with the two following questions:

Have you ever been admitted to hospital?

If so, did your stay in hospital lead to any significant change in your life?

To these she answered truthfully to the first: yes, and to the second, yes, a son.

Probably not the answer the insurance company expected, but a really good reason for wanting a life insurance policy.

Thanks Maw for a really good laugh.

No 10 was my favourite too. Thanks, Maw, these are very funny!

I love no. 10 about men with a beer gut ?

When one door closes, another one shuts".
Absent; My version is more dramatic;
"When one door closes, another slams in your face."

How about;
"Some people say a problem shared is a problem halved."
"Others say a problem shared means that two people now have a problem."

They made me titter Maw thank you

Another one is "When I want your opinion I'll give it to you."

I'm not sure that it is the same thing but my father, to my amusement, used to say, "When one door closes, another one shuts".

???Loved the examples but would struggle to pronounce the word. Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. ?

No wonder Winston Churchill loved them, he had a wicked wit. My favourite story is the exchange between Churchill and Nancy Astor who apparently loathed each other. Nancy Astor said to Churchill that if he was her husband she would put poison in his coffee. He replied that if she was his wife he'd drink it!

Reckon 2 & 3 could be very useful Maw!

They are funny Maw I've never heard of Araprosdokians either, cheered me up.
I like the hospitality one too Jalima

Thank you MawBroon
I've heard one or two but most are new to me

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Brilliant! A few made me laugh not just smile, that's got to be good ?.

Doodle. You can find the asterisk sign by hitting 123 then a new key, #+= , appears above it. I expect Maw would prefer the double gin though.

Thanks Maw. They made me laugh. Like no 8. I filled in a form once that asked what to do if my DGS had an asthma attack while he was on a school trip. I put dial 999.

Love them all. Thanks Maw. Sorry I can't make you bold you as my stupid iPad won't let me get the asterisk sign. Also can't provide the double grin to go with it. That's a double grin not a double gin.

Brilliant Maw. Raised a smile.

Loved no 9 and 16 really great