When we get mad at our OH

paddyann I could almost have written your response! Throughout our 40 years of marriage we have very rarely argued and have a very happy and harmonious relationship. That is not to say that we always agree, but we listen to each other and either reach an agreement or agree to differ. Yes, DH has habits that irritate me eg. not unbuttoning his shirts when he takes them off so that I have to do it before they get washed. But I'm sure I do things to irritate him too but he never complains.

Everyone's remarks re driving amused me. DH was a driving instructor for over 30 years (he taught me to drive) and his driving is still smooth, considerate and safe. But the one thing that bugs me is when someone cuts him up and he just reacts appropriately, calmly and quietly. - no abuse, swearing or hand signals. Whereas I am seathing! I'm far more likely to curse, yell at the driver, use the horn and hand signals! I know it doesn't change anything but it makes me feel better. How can he be so calm about it!!

I think the reason we get on so well is humour. We laugh a lot together and at each other, and if ever I get cross about something DH only has to make me laugh and the mood is broken, normal service resumed. It's worked for us for forty years and I hope it always will. I have had several friends who have had tempestuous marriages, frequently arguing and fighting and I know I could not bear to live like that.

Sending hugs Shesananna

grannyactivist, it was the same in our house when I was young and nobody was really given a voice. When arguments were finished, nobody spoke of it again until the next argument so nothing ever really got resolved. My DH is from the same background as your DH so he was quite astonished at the way our family handled things. However, it didn't take me long to realise that his family had proper relationships rather than battlegrounds so I started to take the same approach as him. We rarely fall out but when we do, we try to remember we are a team, not a tug of war.

I was amused by the parking comments. My DH to a ‘T’. He will drive around the car park, often twice, then choose an awkward space that he parks in quite badly. To be honest it is usually I who drive now but he still insists on telling me where to park. Of course, on principle, I don’t.

Sorry Shesanana

Sheenana
The first step is always the hardest.
Well done you for taking it, here is hoping that soon it will be onwards and upwards.

Although some Grandsnetters have been quite light hearted on this thread many have their own trials and tribulations going on behind the scenes (as it were)

My husband usually says " what is my opinion darling " when asked a question.

DH asks why I was never became an MP.
He says I could argue the hind legs off a donkey.

Don't men usual answer a question with... 'probably, but I had better ask my wife'

Hi Shesanana - Please don't be embarrassed by having a little cry at the doctors. My doctor has a box of tissues on her desk within the reach of the patients. People go to the doctors when the are having troubles - either physical or otherwise - and doctors are used to it.

Well done for going and, as you said, taking the first step in asking for help. I send you my best wishes for sorting out your troubles whatever they may be and I am sending you some to, hopefully, cheer you up!!
Love Danni x

I bought a lovely sign in a bric a brac shop when we were away a couple of years ago. It reads:-

I’d love to agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong

We don’t argue much, but occasionally if he’s really driving me mad, I might look over at the sign....

We've only been together 2 years so no history of any major arguments. I'm naturally non-confrontational and he's the quiet thoughtful type. Only once I got quite cross and told him to just give 5 mins to be on my own after that all was fine. He's very loving and sensitive to anything that may upset me.

When I read all these responses I realise just how bad things are in this household. Just got back from the doctors where I embarrassed myself a little by crying but at least I've taken the first step in asking for help.

Great to see so many Gransnetters in a good place.

I could never have an argument with my husband because he would take his hearing aid out.

Married for 10 years, can honestly say we have never had a row- mainly because DH won’t discuss anything, consequently nothing gets done and nothing gets resolved. It’s almost at the end of the road.

DH won't argue!
It's infuriating, he just says "okay, if you want to/think so/need to/etc.
Just occasionally I wish he'd stand and argue rather than being so bl**dy reasonable!
He does sometimes need a bomb up his backside to encourage him to get jobs done, garage tidied and so on, but as a general thing, we laugh our way through everything!

My DH and I used to argue, although not a lot as he was such an easy going character. If ever we were at the sulking stage (me ), he would say or do something silly and funny and I would end up laughing and the argument forgotten

I will also say that there were times when we couldn't agree on where to go for a holiday so we would both do our own things and once we both away in in neighbouring countries doing our own thing and thats not boring.

Not true DanniRae, we don't argue, if I disagree with something he is saying I will put my point forward calmly and will stick to my guns if I think I am right. If its a point about decorating the house, our hallway for instances then hey what does it matter its his home as well as mine and I have had the main say in the colour scheme in many of the other rooms. Life is to short for disagreements and it only puts your blood pressure up.

Hear not here

I get really irritated when he “homes”in on my territory and interferes with things I’ve been doing in my way for years. I can still here my father saying “That boy’s a b____y Saint.”
I used to retaliate with “ It takes 2 to tango.”
After 44 years we must be doing something right though, mustn’t we?

In 35 years, only real arguments have been when driving. Thank goodness for SatNav, a real marriage saver!

I don't argue with my OH (we don't live together which makes it easier)
My rules in my home, his rules in his. If either of us don't agree with something, whether a visit, job, discussion or anything else, we agree to differ. If he wants to go someplace and I don't, he may well try persuasion but won't pursue it past a certain point and vice versa.

We accept each other's right to have a different opinion, most of the time.

Neither of us sulks - we have flaming rows occasionally ALWAYS the other one's fault! If you believe that, ladies, perhaps I can interest you in buying the Eiffel tower cheap?

Most issues we can discuss in a civilised manner, but now and then one of us boils over. It does no harm, as we have similar tempers.

Mr R is exactly the same about parking. No matter how many spaces there are he continues to drive around until he finds a space that he has trouble getting into......Crazy, eh?

We have ding dong huge rows!! I'm very easily angered by H...
This a.m he went into town(just a leisurely trip)
I did a cookathon..made/making lentil dhal,carrot&coriander soup,sweet potato & chickpea falafels etc..in comes H.."I'm hungry am going to make egg mayonnaise" me" you don't know how to make it" H "yes I do.." gets the Mayo out and a dish,then an egg and said "does the egg need cooking first?" aàaagh bloody useless...