How our social lives have changed

paddyann, I respect your life choices, but one reason I vowed always to make sure I had an active and independent life as well as my family was seeing how my paternal grandmother's life shrivelled away in old age. She had 11 children and family life revolved round her and they were her life. But children grow up and, apart from two of her children who lived with her, the other nine ended up not living locally.

My sister and I spent our school holidays with them for three years, when my father was stationed overseas. Her family visited regularly, but, because of the distance, most visits happened every few months. She had few friends outside the family and most of these had died.

My sister and I watched her and her life dwindling away, and both of us, aged 16 and 14, vowed that we would never ever let our lives ever get as narrow as hers, even though we married and had families.

When my children were young I spent a lot of time visiting friends with children of a similar age and drinking coffee/tea, eating biscuits in each other's homes whilst gossiping/chatting. We never went to cafes or coffee shops as young mums do now.
When I was a child my mother did similar but less often. We only ate out on holiday but my mother had a social life. My father was quiet and reserved and happy for his wife to go out with friends.
When I went to big shopping areas, such as Oxford Street, with my mother, I loved having an afternoon cup of tea with her in a nice tea shop or department store cafe.

That brought back some memories Grandma70s I remember my mother going to the Townswomens Guild, Gas Federation and some chapel groups. It was a different but interesting social life then.
I remember pubs having men only rooms when I was in my early twenties, if a woman dared to go in she was met with glares and a stony silence. Happy days !

My parents had a very active social life in the '60s when they were in their 40's - they joined a dance studio and had some great nights out with friends and also entertained quite a lot. They were in business all their working lives and bought a hotel in 1970 so loved having people around them. My dad was such a funny person and all the photos I have of them they're both laughing or smiling. Prior to that when I was a small child my mum would meet up with her friend for a cup of tea where I had orange juice.

I do remember them stopping at a hotel every Sat evening for tea as we went to the caravan we had on a site about 30 miles away. They had a shop then so had been working all day. It didn't matter where we went to eat I aways had beans on toast A friend's mum used to pay for us to go out for tea in a local hotel for her birthday when we were about 10 or 11 and we used to think we were so grown up - again it was beans for me!

When my children were little there was nowhere to take them to eat other than the local department store cafe and we had no money anyway. I think families these days treat eating out as the norm be it in a well known fast food chain or a proper restaurant so children of this generation will be well used to it as they grow.

My mother never worked ,she always said looking after her family was her job.She didn't go out on her own only with dad and us.When we were all at school the local women talked her into going on one of their bus runs ,a trip out and dinner my dad was not amused .He couldn't understand why any woman had to go out without her family.
Dad died when he was in his late 60's,mum wouldn't socialise in her sheltered housing complex,she only wanted to be with her girls .That put a lot of pressure on my older sister and me .The youngest abdicated any responsibility or contact with us so she didn't have to help care for her.Now I find I do the same thing ,am happiest with my family and dont want to socialise with many folk .I dont feel deprived by being this way so I wont change it

I should add that my mother did have a social life with the local Townswomen’s Guild. She was the chairwoman/ chair, whatever they called it. She also belonged to a (classical) music club. I don’t think my father had any equivalents.

When I was a young child (late 1940 to early 1950s) I used to go to the nearest city with my mother sometimes, and we would go to the Kardomah. She had coffee, but I can’t remember what I drank. We both had toasted teacakes. The only time any of us had meals out was on holiday. I started to eat out when I was a student at the age of 18. We went to a cheap Chinese restauarant for lunch every day. This was in the late 1950s/early ‘60s.

My parents had friends and relations round for coffee in the evening fairly regularly. This involved a lot of sandwiches, cake and so on. Neither parent ever went to the pub, or had meals out together or with friends.

My DM used to go out for afternoon tea with a friend who came round to her on alternate weeks. She did home perms and other hairdos for friends which seemed to be quite a social occasion. My parents went out together for works dos like dinner dances and, very occasionally, to the cinema. Only on holiday did we go out for a meal - to the Victoria Café in St Andrews.
However, when my Dad retired and they moved south to Yorkshire, Mum acquired a social life thanks to the WI which she embraced with great enthusiasm. Dad had his men's club which he entertained with slide shows of his various travels on behalf of his company - and he became the Parish clerk.

I notice the changes for children - my grandson age 4, will hop on a chair in a well-known restaurant chain and order "Marguerita Pizza and a Babycino" sometimes he adds "With a brownie please".

I didn't even go into a hotel until I was 19. For my family it was picnics with home made sandwiches.

I really miss the way people would just turn up at my house "drop in" - it never ever happens now. On the rare occasion when a neighbour knocks at my door, I think "What's wrong?"

My Dad used to go out on Thursday evenings to play dominoes in the pub with 3 of his old school friends.
I think Mum used to look forward to such evenings of relative peace and quiet, although he used to damp the fire down before he went out. Mum would then open it up again after he’d gone out.
They never went out for meals, but Friday nights was for going to the pub in mixed company. My grandpa lived with us so babysitting wasn’t a problem.
I don’t remember Mum ever going out with other women but she did enjoy a natter in the street with some of the neighbours or with my aunts when we called round on a Saturday afternoon to visit my Grandma.

My own social life is very different and one of the things I love about my life now is that I’ve got the time and money to see and go out with my friends as often as I like. .

I can never remember my parents going out together of an evening whilst growing up apar from the normal family get to gethers for weddings/christenings etc.
I never ever saw women going into local pubs etc on their own you where talked about by the local women if you did that.
I have always gone where I liked without any objection from Mr glamma he has always encouraged me to keep a wide circle of friends.
Going out and holiday with friends etc has never been a question with him.
I always felt sorry for my mum as she was at my dads beck & call all her life although she never went without she never really enjoyed her life as I have done.

My father was an army officer - and that comes with an active social life, so my parents socialised a lot, both separately and together. Most of their social lives centred around the Officers Mess and sports events and a fair number included us children. Cricket matches, Curry lunches etc and |I would be so BORED. I have never watched a cricket match since I left school and went to uni!

As a young family, we could not afford to eat out on any kind of regular basis. It was for birthday and anniversary treats only.

We eat out a lot more now and we will go out for lunch or dinner at the drop of a hat but I have never got the hang of constantly stopping for coffee or drinks when you go shopping. I shop. I go home. I then sit and relax with a drink. It seems such a waste of money and a waste of time to sit in a supermarket cafe or a Costa or Starbucks and drink the really disgusting coffee they serve in huge buckets that are twice the size any reasonable person can drink.

My parents had several pubs with restaurants when I was growing up, consequently we ate in the restaurants most days. To me it was exciting going to my Grandparents houses and eating in!!!

Have always met up with friends for lunch, dinner, coffee etc.as do my AC. Have always taken C out for lunch dinner, and continue this with GC.

I appreciate that this was not the norm, but it,was my normal and my C and GC's normal. I know I am fortunate to be in a position to do these things.

I wonder which came first, the eating places or the desire to eat out? I seem to remember that food and the places to eat it were pretty dreary in the 50s and 60s. Department stores had cafeterias, but otherwise there were few places for lunch in my town. ( Of course, it was different in London if you were well off.)
I remember being amazed as a child in a British Restaurant seeing a man ordering liver and gravy and boiled potatoes, my most hated meal. I couldn’t understand why a grown up would choose to eat food like that, and vowed that when I grew up I would only eat puddings in cafes.

Apart from social attitudes changing, there’s many more opportunities for places to lunch or have coffee.
In my village, of around 4000 people there are 3 pubs, all serving food, ranging from the ‘good old local ‘to a Gastropub.
Two restaurants, open from 11 am. and 3 tea shop/cafes. Also the golf club does coffee and lunch.
All are thriving!

You’re Iggy, we all eat out and have coffe in cafes far more than in previous generations. I remember when I was a teenager Berni Inns had just come to Birmingham, and we used to have birthday meals there. Even when my children were small in the 80s we didn’t eat out much, because it was too expensive with four children. Now my children eat out regularly with their children- I think they have more disposable income than we had.

I remember in the seventies, we were holidaying in North Wales, my parents with us. We went over to Anglesey and stopped Mid day at a pub, my father and husband brought lunch out to the car for my Mother, our little girls and me , no way would my father have entertained the thought of my little girls going into a pub.

My mother would never have gone in a pub on her own! My father nearly died of shock when I went up to the bar and bought a round.

Sorry about so many typos, it wasnt me, honest M'lud.

My mother was born in 1904. Woman had to lleave their job on marriage and she was married several years before I was born.
I dont think she ever went out on her own apart fron
visiting her own mother and helpinh her.
My GM wasnt old or ill, it just seemed the norrm for daughters to do this.
As a child all I remember is the routine of everyday with no variation on which rooms were cleaned on which day, washing the hard way on Monday, ironing in Tuesday etc.
She never really changed all her life, thank goodness for our lives today, and labour saving devices which give us so much freedom ,they really are a social gamechanger.

yes, things have really moved on Nan haven't they?
my own Mother did go out and about, and was a working Mother, a fulltime secretary, so was independent, but always juggling money to pay bills [as Father was 'off the scene'].

we were taken to cafes when money allowed, and the cinema and theatre [which were miles cheaper back then.]
Friends were only invited to the house for tea and a biscuit.