Things that you wish you had done in your 40s and 50s.

I wish I'd divorced my husband before he destroyed my self esteem.

I wish I'd not accumulated so much stuff, but as a working Mum, the home and housework weren't a priority back then. Now, every trip up or down the stairs needs prior planning and tidying up takes ages.

There was a Queen concert I regret not going to. I was 35 or so, the kids were tiny, but ma parents were staying that week. I thought it would be rude to go out, when they had driven halfway across the continent to stay with us. Or rather, I thought they would think it rude, especially to go to a pop concert.

Now I am a Granny, I wouldn't mind if Ds and wife went out when we came to stay, and would love the chance to babysit. In fact we have done that once with each of the DGC - we were forewarned when we visited DS1 and family in America that they were going to a wedding on the Saturday and would be leaving DGS with us, and the others asked us to come for a long weekend as they had no one to babysit when they both went to work on the Friday and the childminder was away.

So perhaps I should have got tickets for that concert. Freddy died the following year.

Kathsue, me too!!!

In my early forties I injured my back by lifting something heavy the wrong way. I could have got away with doing the same thing when I was younger but I should not have done that then. I would like to have gone through my forties and fifties free of back pain so my advice is, if you are still that age, and haven't got a slipped disc, be careful how you lift things.

What about you lucasart?

I wish I'd continued to go on to get a full counselling qualification. I did well in the first year but the final 2 year course was very expensive and I didn't feel I could commit the amount of time and money needed to counsel and be counselled as I was still working (in a job I hated). Perhaps I should have just bitten the bullet and done it, to hell with the cost.

seacliff and kathsue I sincerely hope you have not let the behaviour of these men continue to hurt you and have now recovered, or are on your way to recovering, your self esteem.

I wish I 'd divorced my husband and then gone to have 12 happy years with a kind intelligent man - holidays, theatre, books.
Ah but I did!
When he began to get needy and became desperate to get married I realised I didn't want that.
Reader, I did not marry him!
He has remained a family friend and is a spare grandad to the wee ones!

I'm 69 now - I wish I'd left my ex husband in my 40's instead of limping along into my 50's. I was such a doormat ! Better late than never they say, but I wish I'd had the nerve to give myself the gift of freedom 10 years earlier than I did.

I honestly don't think I have regrets from that age, I've always tried to see the positive in everything I've done although when I was twenty I wanted to go and see my favourite racehorse run at Folkestone who eventually I owned but I chose to watch my boyfriend (later husband) play cricket and yet he didn't really care but my horse won and I really wish I had gone to Folkestone

I did leave my husband and spent 10 years on my own. Whilst I do not regret leaving the marital home and starting again I wish I had been a bit more adventurous. I could have travelled, moved from the town, changed jobs but I didn't. Now I will never know what might have been, a sliding doors time for me.

Wish we had travelled to a few exotic places instead of always the safe European option but we were financing our children through university etc. Now we are trying to make up for lost time but are in our (very early) 70s and not as fit as we were. Could do with short flights and not too much walking/climbing and a bit of relaxation...have done it all the wrong way round, but hope to get to India in the new year. Watch this space.

Wish I had left my husband sooner than I did. Better late than never and I am happy now but don't have the money to do the travel I wish I could still do. However the peace of mind is priceless.

I wish I'd had the money to get qualifications for the job I was doing.

Nothing at all. I just take life as it comes and do not deal in 'if only's. I am sure there might be some if I was put through third degree interrogation, but my mind doesn't work that way.

I do at times, not often, wonder how different things might have been if I had accepted a marriage proposal when I was 40, perhaps it would have been miserable , perhaps my life wouldn’t have been so centred around my two daughters and I wouldn’t have experienced much loneliness, yet I quite possibly wouldn’t have had such a close bond with my girls. I think I made the right decision , my life may have been easier, it may have been even more difficult. I have only had these thoughts since my darling daughter died.

No regrets - it was a wonderful time of my life - married my second husband, got a degree via the Open University, changed into a rewarding career. Still had my daughter at home. Glad I didn't realise how awful empty nest syndrome is - despite being so busy and with lots of friends, hobbies and a lovely husband, and a good relationship with my daughter, I still miss not seeing her as often.

I know it sounds daft but I would have loved another baby in my early 40s,
I had always wished for 4 children but it never happened.
We had the chance of buying a house 8 miles outside of Hexham when I was mid 40s and we changed our minds at the last minute I always wonder how our lives would have panned out if we had made the move as I love the area so much.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I’d done things differently, but I think there’s no point in regret.
No one deliberately makes a bad choice - we mostly just do what seems to be the right thing at that particular time in our lives.
I came across this article a few days ago which might help anyone suffering regret.
Don’t be put off by the hyperlink, it’s more about forgiving yourself for what you think are mistakes you’d made in the past and how people act from an instinct of self-preservation.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201402/bargaining-your-past-creates-regret-in-the-present%3famp

Echoing those who have said they would have divorced a decade (or two) before they did, and with self esteem still functioning.

It seems to be something of a common issue.

No regrets. I thoroughly enjoyed those decades. ?

My 40s and 50s were not the 'best days of my life'. I was working full time to fund both DDs through University and missing them a lot. We could not visit them (or take other holidays because I was also 'caring' for My DM, MIL, FIL Aunt and Aunt IL who were in and out of hospital over several years until they all died within a year of each other and coping with my own health problems - an endless menopause with severe bleeding, restless leg syndrome and clinical depression.

I did manage to complete the 2 year Counselling diploma but 2 years later was made redundant at 52 when the local Council slashed our funding. I managed to get a couple of low paid clerical jobs to keep us solvent until I reached retirement age.

But my 60s were a wonderful decade. Free of caring responsibilities, I completed 3 modules at Uni (just for fun and to prove I could do it, crossed Canada on a shoe string with DH and elder DD, enjoyed a Mediterranean cruise for our Ruby Wedding and other wonderful holidays abroad, welcomed both DDs when they moved back to live near us and soon presented us with 1, 2, 3 DGC in rapid succession, leading to a busy new life of childminding, voluntary work and political activity.

All change again in my 70s with DH's illness which means a very quiet but stressful life mainly at home. No point in having regrets, it is just the way the cookie crumbles and we have to make the best we can of each phase and seize whatever chances for happiness that come along.

I wish I had the courage to tell my DM and step-father, ”enough is enough”. If I had walked away then I would have saved myself another 30 years of aggravation and heartbreak.

My dad died weeks before my 40th birthday so I spent the next almost 13 years caring for my mother .I dont regret it or anything else though.I did everything I could to make sure she had a good life even though my son was just 5 when dad died ,and I had a teenager too.
I dont have regrets about anything to be honest ,its just life isn't it? You do what you have to and get on with it as best you can .I have a happy marriage, two great kids ,4 fab GC ,so whats to regret /

I was juggling a job as well as looking after DC and elderly parents so there was not much time.

I wish I'd travelled much more in my 20s and got married a bit later.