Teenagers & all night parties

Hi, we used to have this problem with our neighbours. All quiet till they went on holiday and left the teenagers on their own. We took the view it was only 2 weeks a year (and not every night). We were all young once.

You have informed the neighbour once and learned her daughter and friends had done some damage.
Clearly the parents were not that concerned as it has not had the effect you hoped for consequently this disruption to your sleep goes on. If you can put up with the noise, and it is a now and again occurrence , say no more as I can't imagine forth coming autumn /winter nights will stop their parties.Just live in hope the mother at some stage returns to a 'trashed up' property.

Any chance you and the girl's mother can come to an agreement about how late parties go on?

In Denmark, where I live, you are justified in asking a neighbour to turn down loud music and close the windows at 11 p.m. and if they don't you can complain to the police. The assumption being that those who have work to go to want to be able to sleep around 11 p.m.

Whether the girl is holding parties with or without her mother's knowledge or permission there is really nothing you can really do about it, unless you, the girl and her mother can come to some sort of compromise.

Thank you for your many and varied replies.
The girl in question is just 18yrs and has her own car as have her friends. Resulting in about 6 cars parked outside their house and my bungalow.
I did not 'tell her off' the first time,I just made it known that it disturbed my sleep.
Well this weekend 'the party' commenced at 11am on Saturday morning. Then a break when they came back at 11pm. They partied until at least 4am (when I dropped off to sleep)
Then it stated again on Sunday morning and went on until 2 am this morning (Monday) when they started their cars and left whilst shouting to each other as they went.
I had a good night's sleep though because I moved to another bedroom as far as I could away from their house.
I guess her parents must be coming back today!
What I have realised is that even though they were in the bedroom nearest my property, the windows were wide open and the boys / men have such loud deep voices. The girls just shriek to each other. Perhaps they hadn't realised that sound so easily travels.
I do have the parents' mobile number but I wouldn't ring them and spoil their holiday.
What I have also been told is that it is an environmental health issue and not a police matter. It might have been the 1st time though as the men had a full sized crossbow and they were firing it down their garden.
Yes I was young once. I also used to run a youth club for the County Council.
Fortunately, it is all quiet and peaceful again now but it was good to get it off my chest on here.

I sympathise, but unfortunately I do think that if we live in housing estates we do have to tolerate some of this kind of disturbance, particularly in the summer when windows are open. Maybe just ask the mother if she could ask her daughter to ask her friends to keep the noise down a little. Don't speak to the kids directly. We were all young once and probably a little thoughtless when it came to others. And apparently August is going to be very wet, so Windows will be shut!

I left my early 20's daughter looking after my 16 year old son once; she actually moved back home to do it. When we got back we found that she had invited a pub full of stranger for a midnight swim. We were horrified because she'd never been a party animal, had anxiety with strangers and was usually so sensible. To add insult to injury she said her brother could have a party which he posted on Facebook. Fortunately, a neighbour who was ex police, stepped in and the party didn't go ahead. If you had asked me before I went on holiday, I would have sworn blind that I had sensible trustworthy kids. I didn't make the same mistake twice which is possibly what your neighbours have done.

We have had several neighbours' loud garden parties this summer and have just put up with it. I am not sure, however, that I would be so happy with off-the-leash, unsupervised teenagers running riot. It is not acceptable to let your children upset the neighbours and we never let ours do it.

I remember when the DS was in his teens an affluent schoolmate had a party in Amersham and gatecrashers caused £35,000 of damage. My DD also attended a party at which she was plied with drink and being unused to it was seriously unwell.

Those who say that 'teenagers will be teenagers' are part of the liberal parenting agenda and I do not agree that it is the right thing to allow unformed minds and characters the freedom to try dangerous and/or disruptive activities as if there were no consequences. This is the wrong lesson to teach youngsters. They need to respect themselves and respect others too.

I am a retired teacher and have seen the dangers of adults abdicating responsibilty for their teenage children. It rarely ends well.

We had one party here. Son and friend's shared 18th. Very noisy. August. Mostly in garden, big speaker, etc we employed 2 bouncers and they had a list of names and birthdays to check teens in. We were mostly upstairs. Bouncers occasionally and discreetly turned volume down. I can't remember the time it finished but I went down desperate for a coffee and all was good fun.
We warned the immediate neighbours.
Only bad thing was son sick at late point - drinking while prepping. Wouldn't listen. Teens... it was a one off.
If someone had said anything to my son...well there would have consequences

You were a bit mean to say something to the girl. She should have gone to yours to apologise but I still would not have spoken to her like that.

We moved into this house 15 years ago, not realising that teenagers lived all around us. It was hell for years, with footballers running through our garden, noise, and litter. Then they were old enough to have parties! Thankfully they all grew up and most are married with little ones. I'm glad we stuck it out.

I'd have a quiet word with the mother. Is it a coincidence that they'reout or is the girl taking advantage of their absence?
We used to have young men as neighbours. They'd go out clubbing and return in the early hours with girlfriends and continue the party on the patio, making a lot of noise. I couldn't hear them too well as I'm a bit deaf and a few houses away but it was awful for the couple next door. Eventually they moved and we were all relieved. Is calling the police an option? They might break the party up.

Get the neighbor's mobile phone number. She will probably be grateful to you if you promise to phone her when there is noise from her house, as it will help her to keep her children in order while she is away. I wish my neighbor had phoned me when my kids had a party once! I came back to find the police there. :/

I could tolerate what has happened here but if it goes on then I would need to take measures - like speak to the parents again. Trouble is as we all know alcohol makes people noisy; on Saturday night/Sunday mornings our road, which is normally quiet and peaceful, has various groups wandering back from town and having quite normal conversations together but at about 90 decibels.

Twice in one month, don't worry about it. The weather is warm, it will get cold again.

I also agree with Cherrytree that you shouldn't have told her not to do it again. You can't tell a teenager off like a child and the second party may well have been a case of her showing you that you can't tell her what to do, something that is important to teenagers.

I think you have to be prepared to put up with the occasional party but obviously you don't want this to be an ongoing problem. They are presumably all on their summer holidays so there should be some limit to it. I would probably let the second one go as 2 isn't a habit but speak to the mother if it looks like becoming a regular thing.

I'm with grannyactivist on this. Does the mother even know? Regardless of their age, if children use a parent's house for a (raucous) party, then the parent should at least be made aware of this. What do the other neighbours think?

The mother apologised on her daughter's behalf, but the daughter should have apologised also. She clearly isn't heeding her mother's strictures, and I don't think neighbours should be expected to tolerate late night/ early morning disturbances without complaint.

One of ours had an unsanctioned party while we were on holiday. It got seriously out of hand, strangers turned up and caused problems. A neighbour phoned and told us the next day (a mixed blessing), also that he had been round to everyone and apologised for the disturbance. By the time we got home the house was immaculate. It didn’t happen again. In the case you describe dolly I think I’d have a quiet word with Mum and just ask for warning of the next gathering. Maybe sleep in a different room away from the noise or, yes, ear plugs are a wonderful thing. It’s a sort of a rite of passage I think, best to tolerate if you can as long as the parents are aware and you have warning.

It isn't that often so perhaps you are being a bit unreasonable. As you are friendly with the neighbour I suggest that you ask her for her mobile number so that if things get out of hand you can contact her. My neighbours gave me theirs when their teenage son had his first party at 18 but actually everyone was gone by midnight. Oh and invest in some earplugs-wonderful things!

I agree 20 teenagers shouldn't be a problem.

The problems arise when a party is posted on Facebook.
There is then a risk of gate-crashers and things quickly escalating and getting out of hand.

^I politely spoke to her and telling her not to do it again^
If the mother had already dealt with her daughter, I wouldn't have taken it upon myself to reprimand her.

Paddyann your get togethers are in a way controlled with a family adult around, these are not and it’s different. I an not against teenagers having fun but they have to consider others. I would say why not try making a lot of noise at say 6 am when they are probably sleeping and see how they like it.

Twice in a few months is not excessive. Yes, I agree it's not nice but I would avoid falling out with neighbours at this stage.

If it happens again, say something politely.

A lot depends on how well you know the parents. If you know them well and bump into them, I suppose you could say something at this stage but I'd be wary of falling out.

I used to have neighbours like this but it soon stopped and I was glad I'd said nothing. I don't know if anyone else had spoken to them.

Having had to deal with the trauma of extensive loss and damage caused by an unsanctioned teenage party, I would say the parents need to be made aware if it's happening so I second the comments that suggest this course of action.

It’s not normal at all. Being a teenager doesn’t mean you can behave in an exceptionally inconsiderate manner. They should have respect for their neighbours’ feelings like everybody else. The occasional late party, if they must - but all night in a residential area? Never. Nor should adults.

I would ring the police.

One time I had to be away for a night I think my son, then 17, got up to something. There was no damage to the house, though, and no complaints to me from neighbours, so it can’t have been all that bad. I had always been strict about noise and not disturbing people, so even if he did have a noisy night he’d have been conscious if it and not gone on all night, I’m sure.