"Helicopter grandparenting"

When any of my six are with me they are in my care and are my responsibility so I’m very much with others who have said that they maintain a very close eye. I don’t think you can be too careful in public areas, especially with younger children. We have regularly taken our grandchildren away on holidays and all sorts of days out etc., and I am very vigilant and ask them to be so with one another as well. Looking back I think that I was exactly the same when my four children were growing up and I think that they as parents now understand why I was so very watchful and mindful of what was going on and where they were at all times.

We learnt our lesson very early. DGS was around 3yr old if I remember properly and we stopped for a snack in Morrison's. I went to get some more cutlery and DH left the table I think to put a tray back or something. As I approached the table I could seen DGS wasn't there - total panic! Husband trying to find security - I was up at the front door totally panicstricken!! Ran back to cafe which was in the immediate area anyway asking everybody on the way and as we got there a woman came up and said her DGD had been watching him hide away in a corner. He was playing "hide and seek" and very happy with himself but I have never gotten the feeling of absolute terror we went through and can assure you we never took our eye of him after that but always explained why without worrying him. It is a fine balance between giving them freedom and allowing them to be confident and happy.

I agree with Bluebelle it’s traffic that’s more dangerous these days, stranger danger and bullying by older kids definitely went on in the past. Parents who control their kids at every moment of the day is rather sad I think and often leads to a lot of stress and anxiety in adolescence. I live on a small estate where kids can still play out on their bikes, scooters, skates etc in safety and it’s nice to see them running around together without an adult constantly in tow. I agree it’s more of a responsibility to care for a child that’s not your own though.

Well I thought I was closely supervise and a bit over controlled but I had my first dates at 14 and that was long ago in the sixties
I have 2 grandsons and 5granddaughters One of the girls plays football in a mixed team, one does boxing and one goes to scouts with her brother I have never separated boys from girls they have to learn to live with them in the world and girls need to be able to keep up with the boys in my opinion

In my case we did include the boys in birthday parties etc up until the age of 5 or 6 but they were pushing the boundaries so much and it was always the birthday girl that ended up crying. So they didnt want the boys spoiling the fun, as they got older the girls became much more risk averse, they did not want to go higher or hotter, especially if the boys were encouraging them.
As for young teens they were allowed to socialise with boys and obviously did at school but they were always under a watchful eye. At 16 they were mature enough to date without getting out of their depth, even then there were rules they had to follow.
They now have their own kids and they are probably tougher than I was because there is so much risk publicised.

However I do watch young grandchildren (under 5s especially) like a hawk and I do rather hover round them at playgrounds. Not so much because of stranger danger but more because I'm nervous of them injuring themselves on my watch!
I think helicopter parenting is when oarents supervise or even do homework, complain to school . all the time about treTment of their children, go with children to university open days and interviews etc. Not watching little ones at playgrounds!

I agree with every word Bluebelle -I was about to write much the same myself!

I think a lot of people have a warped sense of danger now Im not talking about young children at all but to talk about close supervision at 16 years old seems weird to me on one hand we are constantly moaning about kids not going out to play and on the other about keeping them close to you all through childhood I don’t think the world is any more dangerous today than ours or before, just that it makes the headlines DAILY it comes into your living room constantly
Our older members lived through a war playing on bomb sites ( really safe) even in my day kids went to the beach or the woods with a bottle of pop and a jam sandwich for the day There were paedophiles and stranger danger just as much as now, just no one spoke of it
The only thing different is the huge amount of traffic and children need to be taught from young how to negotiate busy roads with traffic lights and safe acknowledgment of speed and danger
My own children played out from school age but they had a boundary ( quite a small one in reality ) they always had to ask before going anyway different they were told to play together and they had watches early and use to come in every half hour to make sure they were ok I could usually hear them even if not see them as they got older the rope got longer but you cannot make them stay holding your hand or else they never learn to negotiate danger

However at 4 and not my child I d keep them as original poster did, engaged with me and close to hand

I took my then 4year old DGD to one of these soft play indoor areas where they have cages and tubes etc to play climb through , I was watching her every move when an obnoxious little bully was hitting her and had DGD cornered , it was awful as I couldn't get to her though I could see her, A very helpful child said to me that she would go up and rescue my DGD and bring her down, she was terrified, I never took her back there again , That happened when I could see her, it's not helicoptering, just being a vigilant Nana ,

dont ever let them out of your sight ,i feel you have to be so careful today ,with our children ,so many strange people about ,so different from when mine were babes ,we used to park our prams outside the shop and do shopping and all would be well, but of course that was in the early 60`s ,Today such a different story we dare not take our eyes off small children at all ,so sad really ,

I don’t understand your post Diane why are boys different sounds very old fashioned didn’t your girls get bumps and bruises and have rough and tumble too
I remember 40+ years ago looking out my window and seeing my little three year old daughter sitting on the shed roof with her brother and his friends ?

Nothing really new just a new catchword, 30 years a go I could have been accused of helicopter parenting, my daughters were supervised very closely. Not always by myself, often by trusted friends and that was right up to 16 yrs.
Boys, that's different, bumps and scrapes, thats all part of risk management, they don't learn that today they play computer games.

Me too, I have never let my 5 out of my sight, even including things their parents let them do. I explain my reasons to GC and they have always just accepted that Nanny is a little over protective ... nothing will happen on my watch !!

I go by what the parents are doing. At four I'm definitely there all the time but less so later. By the time he was 9 GS1 would disappear to play with friends and now he is 11 he walks to school on his own. At 5 GS2 is never out of sight.

I bet it was Katherine Whitethorn Rosina. Isn’t it strange how some things stay in our memories? ?

Purpledaffodil I read that too and have usually had it at the back of my mind! I think it was Katherine Whitethorn who made that comment in one of her columns, and black comedy or not it's worth remembering.

what ever it takes to keep them safe.

You wouldn't leave your purse/handbag unattended so why would you leave your grandchildren unattended?

I once read that you should ask yourself “What would the coroner say?” It’s black humour but can come in handy?

Definitely am, simply because they aren't my children and am therefore overly cautious, I was probably more cavalier with my own from what I can remember. Although it's quite noticeable how many parents barely look up from their phone these days when out with their children, whilst the GPs tend to be more hands on in all sorts of ways, particularly as far as conversation goes.

In a public open area I definitely keep DGC in sight. If at a soft play or an enclosed play area I do allow them to stretch the distance but keep a look out in case there is any conflict with other children.

Sounds like a perfect afternoon out with Gran. If you were Helicoptering!? you probably wouldn't take them anywhere.

Well then OP I dont think you WERE helicoptering, you were judging the situation & acting accordingly.

Helicopter parents are the ones telling them to put one foot on front of the other on the steps up to the slide instead of letting them figure it out themselves.

Sandelf - sadly it isn't just adults you have to be wary about - the Jamie Bulger case is just one example of other children being cruel to younger children. I worry over my grandchildren and like to keep them in sight when I am out with them on my own. My daughter is much more relaxed (they are 15, 11, 9) now they are older but I still feel I need to keep an eye on them if we are out in a park. My GD1's friend was walking home from junior school on her own a couple of months ago and a white van with three men in it stopped and called her over saying they wanted to ask her something. Fortunately GD1's friend has an old head on her shoulders and she ignored them and turned around and walked back into the school playground and into school. OP is right to be wary

I never let my Granddog off the lead when I take him out. It is different when they don't belong to you so yes I completely agree with helicopter grandparenting.

I always ensure they have plenty of time to racket about in the garden with the dogs, run about screaming through the sprinkler (best toy in the world as far as they are concerned) and get the odd scrape or bump at the local playground. BUT in public places (car parks, shops, etc) I keep a very firm grip.