My grandson

Jenpax, my daughter and i agreed that he would live with me as to stop him ending up in care, as that would of definitely happened, the morning he came to live with me was because his mum ended up losing her temper , he was refusing school yet again, so she pulled him out of bed, and practically dragged him into the car, then ended up hitting him in the face, things really had come to a head for the whole family and social services know this too. He has been through enough already and he just doesnt deserve any of this.

I hope you managed to get some advice from the charity I mentioned? If not I would urge you to keep trying. It seems that SS are legally correct if your GS was not “placed” with you by them and is therefore a family arrangement but you still have the right to have support and especially as regards his mental health, he is a child in need as per the childrens Act and SS should be assisting you to meet those needs.

I would be fuming too Flasha,and experienced similar lack of support,empathy, after my daughter died,we had to leave the area we were under which was Essex,we moved to Norfolk and the support was fantastic,but was under a court order for SGO.I cannot believe the tone of this letter,when a child's welfare is at stake,regardless of who is responsible.Buck passing at its best,I can see why you angry justifiably, I feel so on your behalfx

I am fuming his father,s name is even on the letter. He has no place to be, never mind the sheer lack of empathy and support . And yes , you have understood correctly downtoearth. thank you.

Thank you Littleflo, i will certainly do that.
I am still so angry about it.

That is an appalling letter. It has focussed totally on funding, which you have not asked for. It has missed the plea for help for you and your Grandson’s welfare.

Please contact the Place2Be, which is a Child’s. mental Health Charity. I am sure they will advise you.. I believe that the NSPCC also might help. They do a lot of support work that is not related to Child Cruelty.

My understanding of the letter is children's services for your area are saying that your GS is yours and his parents who retain PR, financial responsibility,BUT that isn't what I believe you have been asking for Flasha,you have asked for help for your GS mental health,which surely should be supported regardless of who he lived with,I hope I have understood that correctly,a child's welfare is at stake,not whose financial responsibility it is.

I am single, and this is the letter, I don't know if I am being over sensitive but I feel this has really upset me.

If you have been told they can’t help because it’s a private arrangement (not sure I understand that) are there any children’s charities in the area that you could approach for advice
If you are able to be at home I wouldn’t make him go to school there seem to be very few structures around home schooling He sounds as if he is suffering from Post Traumatic stress disorder and needs some specialist counselling
Do you have a husband/ partner to take some stress away from you Does he connect with you ?
?

flasha I have no advice to offer I'm afraid just say I hope you get some help for yourself and grandson. It sounds as though he is lucky to have you with him. Hopefully other more knowledgeable GN will be able to help.

www.kinshipcarers.co.uk

aquarius.org.uk/contact/kinship-care/
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2375731

I have done a search for kinship forums and these came up with quite a few more too. I hope this may help in some way.
Good luck

Hi, thank you everyone for your supportive messages. an update for you. sadly it seems all departments involved dont seem to speak or help the other. we,ve been to the g.p twice this week, i,ve emailed so many organisations , it seems my grandson is suffering from severe trauma, and i,ve been told that most of trauma children dont do well in mainstream school. i have an appointment to see the senco lady at his school on Monday, he still hasnt attended school all week. The most disappointing aspect of all this is that i had a meeting yesterday with his social worker and another sw, i told them that i am desperate for some help , as i mentioned in my original post it really is a sad and complex case, and if any of you would like to know more info on this i am happy to share in a private message, as i said i,m not good online and i have no idea who can see these messages. Anyway instead of the help i was hoping for from ss, 2 hours after our meeting they hand posted a letter through my door, telling me that this was a private arrangement between my daughter and i, and basically they wont help, and the letter even said i need to ask his parents for financial support... firstly i didnt even mention the financial side to them, other than to say i,ve been told this is classed as a kinship, and secondly i am fuming they even put his fathers name on the letter. i am fuming about it. so anyway it seems i have made a little progress, but it sadly it seems we still have a long way to go.

I would suggest that he definitely needs to see a counsellor. It sounds as if he's had a lot of problems in his background, and moving home is a huge transition for him. He's bound to be somewhat unsettled.

I also agree with the idea of home education. If you're not in a position to teach him yourself, would online education be a possibility? I attended an online school for Grades 9-12. I live in Canada so I'm not sure what would be available in the UK, but I strongly suspect there might be something. This way he would have real teachers and you would not have to design your own curriculum, but he could still work at home. The way my program was designed, we were just told, "Here's your assignment. It's due on this day (usually Friday or Sunday). Have fun." Exactly how we organized our time to get it done was up to us. Our teachers were always available by email if we needed help.

would home education after a period of deschooling take some pressure off?

PS, Flasha6, nobody expects an individual answer so please don't worry about that.

Flasha6, you have done nothing wrong but in order to give useful advice we need to know a little more about you and your grandsons background.
Please keep posting, lots of non- judgemental advice from those who have been through this on here.

Oh dear, i,m sorry to all that have answered i,m not very good online, and i am trying to work out how to answer everyone. think i,ve done some wrong. i am still working through all the replies, thank you everyone.

He is 12, he had a bad trauma 6 years ago, he suffers from anxieties, stress and emotional attachment issues.

Sorry he is 12 .

Flasha6...hope you get the support that you deserve,I also was awarded a special guardianship order,if this is so in your case ask about the SGO allowance,as the money enables you to provide outings and treats that may be out of reach if money is tight,also child tax credits if on a reduced income,child benefit also,at a time when you may be overwhelmed with all that is happening,you may not have the energy to look for all that you are entitled to,If I can be of any other help to you I am happy for you to PM me ...

how old is the child please? That would give us a better idea of how to help.

Thank you everyone, i am slowly getting through all your comments

Thank you downtoearth, that is very helpful

Guardian ad litem

I was awarded custody of my GD aged 4,she is now 19 and we have had to deal with each stage of her life with appropriate help,Doctor is a good starting point and a referral to CAMHS,.which is child and adolescent mental health services,however there is a waiting list,I would check if you a have a Family Action team in your area,who have been very supportive at times when we have asked for help,I in turn volunteered for them and found the training beneficial at home.Also your child social services if you have a social worker in cases where a guardian ad listen is awarded in cases of conflict act for the child and can be instrumental in getting help that is needed. If a case of bereavement a fantastic organisation called Winstons Wish also play a big part in helping with coming to terms and understanding.. ..hope this helps