Would you have a disco at your wake.

Bypassing the wake (and the ££££s going to funeral directors) doesn't usually mean no gathering for those left behind. It just frees up the format by bypassing the funeral directors!

IMO your cousin managed it badly by inviting you all tooyoungtobeagrandma - sounds like your aunt didn't want that!

she should have told you all that there was no "funeral" and you could have arranged get togethers to grieve/remember her together between yourselves if you wished

"Teatime", when my aunt died she had left instructions with her cousin for no flowers, no "wake', no words spoken etc. We're not a huge family but we travelled from all over for the funeral. We were all shocked when after standing in the crem for 2 mins with the coffin, we were directed to leave. It was devastating, when the poor cousin had to explain. She's also been told not to let any of us know her wishes. I'd always got on well with my aunt and had spent quite a few weekends with her, as had my brother. In fact the day before she died, I'd driven a few hours to visit her in the hospice. This totally changed the way I saw her. It felt spiteful. She knew we would all come and it felt like such a rejection. If this is your choice, please explain why to family and friends. I don't think I'll ever think of her in the same light. Fortunately her cousin ignored one of her wishes and we did have a very quiet get together afterwards. We were so stunned though it wasn't as though we could remember her fondly and tell stories of which there were many.

Yes I would. My family have been told that if my body is not accepted for medical science then I want a quick cremation and a party afterwards where alk my favourite songs will be player very loudly while everyone dances around their handbags (like we used to when clubbing) in 70s/80s. Both my kids have agreed and air have listed my very eclectic mix of music from the 50's mostly 70's and 80's and some current stuff that I like to dance/sing to. I shall be sorry to miss it

www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/what-do-you-pay-for-2/

also FAO earnshaw see my above post

I think its a great idea, saves the family money & they can still have a memorial geathering if they feel thats what they want to do.

Ashes are still returned and the body can be viewed at the mortuary.

its a great option

Teetime have you heard of direct disposal? its cremation that doesnt go via undertakers.

Undertakers often "misssell" their basic packages to people who are essentially saying they want direct disposal and they imply that the simplest and cheapest funeral available is one of their basic ones. Its not true. You don't need an undertaker/funeral at all!

Look into it

Hm999

Thanks I'd actually seen that article which prompted my interest.
I'm not on my last legs YET but being of some use after death is appealing.
That, or buried deep under ice in Antarctica.
I don't fancy being interred or burned.

earnshaw, don't think you're at all in the minority. I see more and more of us planning a 'no funeral' departure. This is often fuelled by the high rip off costs of the ceremony itself and the 'grieving' done by many who had no contact with the deceased for ages before their demise. Those I care for are in touch pretty regularly and they know the score.

Gabriella
metro.co.uk/2018/05/28/britains-first-body-farm-looking-volunteer-corpses-7584053/

i seem to be very much in the minority here, if i had the choice i would not have a funeral at all, i just cant see the point of them, its just more grieving , and expensive grieving too, the opinion seems to be that you are giving the deceased a good send off, whatever that means, the deceased knows nothing of this because they are not there anymore, i am not religious either so wouldnt want a service anyway, i know when my mother died there was, obviously , so much sorrow and crying then you have to go through it all again a week later at the funeral

I would want everything to be joyous.
Dress code would be as colourful as you like. Eccentric would be fabulous.
I want family and friends to have a wonderful time, eating, drinking, dancing, singing, whatever they want to do.
For me, it is about a celebration of Life not death.
The epitome would be my ashes sent up in a Firework and exploding across the sky in a myriad of twinkling colours.

Oh I’m SO glad you have written this post as that’s EXACTLY what I want when I croak , a real East End knees up right from starting in the crem when I ll be brought in a coffin covered in Tardis paper and carried shoulder high by 6 gorgeous hunks , stripped to the waist with little bow ties! Lots of Bon Jovi, Hey Jude with everyone singing and the Doirs , light my fire, finishing with Schooks Out by Alice Cooper as I’m an Art teacher! I intend to have a great big disco and dancing afterwards! If you’re gonna go, go with a bang!!!!

Starbox funerals aren't FOR the deceased ,they're for the living .Part of the grieving process.

I'd love it.

I'd want them to have a good time on me, lovely food, a bar and music. Preferably my favourite pianist playing tunes from the great American Songbook.

I know tiggers - I appreciate it is each to their own but loving to dance is our own. I couldn't imagine a life without it and think it is a big part of the essence of me which is surely what our loved ones want to cherish. My dear dear mum is quite close now to the end of her thankfully long life and she wants sending off with a few good tunes with the only hymn being 'oh Mary we crown thee with blossoms today' as her name's Mary and it's quite lovely, upbeat and tuneful as hymns go.

So sad to read some of the comments.....

A person's life should be celebrated, and its not for me to say how that may be done. However, I promise you it is not the end and you will be aware of what has taken place in the spirit.
God loves us all and I just pray more people will ask him into their hearts.
Blessings to you all

I am with you "patriciageegee". Motown and Soul for me too. My mother was a dancer. I met my husband at a disco. Our granddaughter loves to dance.

Hubby and I still love dancing but these days it's ballroom, Latin and sequence so it would be fitting that goodbyes were said with more of the same.

Yes yes and yes! Our family have always loved to dance from my great grandmothers down to my ballerina DGD and I can't think of anything better to send me on my merry way than some wonderful soul and motown. I want everyone crying and laughing and dancing and remembering the best times we've shared ! And we're definitely NOT chavvy or tacky in any way - don't know what kind of a life you've led starbox if you equate the sheer joy of music and dance as such.

Gosh, how tacky...doesnt suggest the departed is missed much if their nearest & dearest are boogeying on down! No, something quiet, lovely music, and a nice lunch after. (But then I shant be there to see so guess it's less for the benefit of the deceased than that it just leaves a chavvy feel in their wake...)

I would want it over a.s.a.p. To avoid my only son pain. A bit of Faithless and Craig David would be OK and food would hopefully curry. Not planning on moving to Planet Zu Tu just yet. For those unaware Planet Zu Tu is a book I am writing about what happens to us after we die.

Hi mimiro, I love Rosalita especially that long (11 mins) live version. If I gave my kids a list of all the Bruce songs I think they should play they would be there for hours. Human Touch is the one I would want at the actual cremation if they needed anything at all. Luckily my daughter is as big a fan as me, she comes to his gigs with me when he comes to UK, my partner's taste is a bit more towards AC/DC but he tolerates Bruce.

A loved and respected headteacher died, far too young, from cancer. She left instructions for her funeral including 'Let them dance'. And they did!

I wouldn't want a disco and dancing at my wake because I think relatives and friends should be able to chat without struggling to hear each other. At my (church) funeral I want religious music, some traditional hymns and some modern ones, but I think it would be nice to play some of my favourite non-religious songs at the wake, quietly in the background while people eat and drink. They did this at a funeral I went to recently and I thought how nice it was, especially as his favourite singers/music had been mentioned during the service.

No discos for me. I've discussed my wishes ... my better half and his business partner will make my coffin and transport me to the crematorium (in the truck if I don't fit in the car - I am very petite); they will carry me with help from a few others. I am grateful that they would do this for me. Short service with a few (hopefully quite kind) words and play a short tape I've made. My ashes will go in a woods, garden, or pot with either a tree or wildflowers that are good for pollinating insects - I trust they will find somewhere I'd approve of as they know me well. I don't want people to waste money on expensive flowers so they will make a small wreath or bouquet from whatever is around at the time of my death, and if people want to donate the money will go to a local animal charity we have supported for years. Each to their own, but personally I wouldn't want to make people feel they had to go to great lengths with bizarre requests.