Would you have a disco at your wake.

My dad's wake was held in a friend's pub, it was a lovely atmosohere. But when someone said that they kept expecting him to walk in at any minute, it almost broke me. He'd have loved it.

Teetime..........How you choose to go is, of course, your own and maybe circumstances have led you to this decision. However, be aware that funerals play a very important role to those left behind and allow them to chat, share memories and find closure before moving on with their lives. Psychologically they play a very important part in society so please think carefully before you deny loved ones this opportunity. Totally none of my business, just saying.

We all cope with death differently of course. Fortunately in our very small immediate family we all feel the same and we haven't had formal funerals for mum, dad or my daughter. It works for us. For my daughter we gathered together with all of her friends and recounted all the fun and laughter she brought us.

I'd prefer something quieter such as afternoon tea or a fish and chip lunch, depending on the time of day. But still, I won't be there, will I? It'll be up to my loved ones to do whatever they see fit.
I don't plan to go for at least another 25 years (not that I have any choice in the matter) but who knows what the fashion will be then?

I must add, each to their own of course.

I would escape a disco in my current state of being, so not keen on the idea

Last month i went to my BIL's funeral. Is it wrong to say that i thoroughly enjoyed it? For the first time in ages all 5 siblings were together in one place and it was wonderful to catch up with them and nieces and nephews. The funeral was sad and tears were shed and then we went to the 'reception' where there was plenty of food and drink and peaceful atmosphere to catch up and renew. I had a better time than i usually do at weddings and birthday parties as i was able to converse with others and not just sit quietly because i couldn't hear myself think, let alone speak!

When DH died we'd been living abroad for many years and so he just had a smallish simple funeral locally. A few months later we had a "memorial reception" back in the UK; but as I explained, it was really a memorial cocktail party, because that was what DH really enjoyed.

How I agree Nelliemoser I was brought up as a Methodist and love singing all the old favourites. We don't hear them so much now sadly.

Although I'm generally not terribly extrovert, I do love dancing and it can be guaranteed that, even at the age of 68, I will be one of the first up on the dance flooor.

I would not be at all upset if this was what my family decided to do. I would hope that they will miss me and shed a tear or two but, having done that, I think it is healthy to have a chat, a drink, a song and even a dance to remind us, however sad we are, that life goes on.

I do think, though, that it is quite important for people to make others aware of how they feel about these issues, to save any difficulties or disagreements. I don't care what people do - whether they wear black or bright colours, make stipulations re flowers, etc. etc. I would only ask that expense is kept to an absolute minimum and that there be a non-religious service.

I think I would probably go for a humanist ceremony, but having said that I would like all the best Methodist hymns I could find.
Which just shows how confused I am about my religious affiliations if I still have any?

Mother has left very elaborate instructions, totalling about twenty thousand pounds.

My OH s wake was recent , it is usual here to call the visiting of the house before the funeral , The Wake . We have moved house 6 months ago and the village turned out in force , mainly to see the new residence , OH would have laughed ! We had a Luncheon in the Village Church Hall , and I must say that all the visiting and tea drinking really helped us to cope with his death

Why not? I couldn’t care less what happens at my funeral - stick me in a bin bag and throw me in a river- for all I care! I won’t be there I won’t know!

But have organised several funerals for close family/friends and have abided by their requests. All different.

Don’t feel there is any right or wrong tbh

I'm with Jane10 and MawBroon. Jane10, I don't want weeping, wailing and tearing of garments but I definitely want hymns to be sung. (and Jerusalem of course) . I would appreciate the words of the Church of England which are beautiful imo.
I've been to too many funerals recently where there were strict instructions to wear bright colours, humanist services. I'm not complaining, my friends were lovely lovely people, I wore bright and joined in the listening to poems and pop songs- but, I missed the Church of England service, the beautiful words, the singing - I know, I'm old and set in my ways xx

I’m with Jane10, weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth will be the order of the day!

After my Mother in Laws funeral, when there was just immediate family left (around 20 of us) we went back to our house and had a lovely party with fireworks, she would totally have approved and enjoyed it.
I should add that it was November 5th and her Sons birthday.

For the longest time I had my funeral planned, I wanted bright colours, a horse drawn glass carriage, a huge party , a bouncy castle, party food and probably a fight !!

Now I’m nearer to needing a funeral I have toned down my plans . I want the actual funeral to be as cheap as possible ( I’ve decided that bit is a waste of money) , but I want a family party , I’ll skip the bouncy castle and a the fight !

But I want ‘Ain’t no sunshine’ by Bill Withers, and ‘I’m feeling fine’ by Michael Buble.

My only other requirement is flowers and lots of them !

Oh gosh I want weeping and wailing and rending of garments etc. None of this 'wear a bright colour' business! Will probably have to hire professional mourners of course due to lack of potential attenders.
I must say that I absolutely love singing 'Abide with me' at full volume at funerals. That might be my only stipulation. I don't want to be an inconvenience to my family. Cremate me and throw my ashes in Loch Etive. I don't want to take up space anywhere.

Both of us have donated to science so no service and wake for us we are however having a rememberance service conducted by our local Priest followed by a family meal and get together as and when decided by our DCs.

GrannyGravy13 that made me laugh,My late mum loved Jim Reeves version of Moonlight and Roses and she wanted it played at the crem.We couldn't find her copy so ordered one from Amzon which promised to arrive on the day.It didn't turn up.The crem kindly said they would find the song for us and lo and behold they playe it...BUT the Daniel O'donnel version and she couldn't stand him.I honestly thought she would haunt me over it .The Jim Reeves one turned up the next day .

I hope mine's not like my sisters wake. We left at 3pm and everyone else stayed in the pub and drank too much. It ended with the wife of my sisters 3rd AC losing her temper and screaming abuse at the other 2 AC and their ACs. It spilled out into the street and was a very embarrassing time for the 2 victims and their families. They haven't spoken to AC3 or his wife since. My sister would have been devastated

Oh yes - I really hope so.

I am the only one left in the family with any religious beliefs. Have chosen my favourite all time song (Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum, warned DS2 if he plays the Gareth Gates version I will haunt him!!!)

I hope they have some quiet recollections with family and friends, buckets full of prossecco and party till dawn ????????

I agree with Paddyann remembering the good times as well. I have no problem with a disco, it wouldn't be my choice but each family has different memories.
As others have said my choice would be a good meal and a bottle of wine. ( each) .?

I've been to several wakes that started at luchtime with a sit down two course lunch and lasted until late in the day.Its how most are here in the West of Scotland .Probably because there are few of us who dont have some Irish blood .Its not disrespectful to have a drink and dance if thats how the dear departed would have liked it.My late mother was known to complain about wakes where it was sandwiches and tea and where people stood around with long faces .Remembering happy times is all part of grieving too.