Mixed feelings , not meme

The man said he has a family who are important to him so he is not alone.

they do Anniebach she has people drop in every day some more than once..but they have their own lives and children so her kids have to take some responsibility for her too.I live 45 miles away and dont drive so I cant be there every day .I will say her kids are amazing and happy to help when needed as this boy is .Sure its difficult but where theres no alternative what do you suggest? Putting the boy into care and leaving the dad to his own devices?

BlueBell, when I posted the description I didn’t know the interview was on line, I was trying to give a description of what I saw.

I am really trouble I felt some anger , it would not have made any difference if the father was dressed in ermine robes. The child was distressed .

I m with you all the way Anniebach and yes I m pretty sure Id have felt the same however he was dressed perhaps even more if he was well dressed as I d have expected him to have a better intellectual understanding
I think it’s awful to rely to that extent on the little lad

I may be unfair to the man but I was uncomfortable that although he has a family who are important to him he seems to have chosen his son as carer, can a child really support severe anxiety and depression, difficult for adults to understand but a twelve year old? Does a twelve year encourage the sufferer to fight back against the depression or give his father only what he wants to hear, I don’t know.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt my childhood was abusive just because one of my parents needed care.

I think I was incredibly fortunate. Nothing I missed out on was better than the the relationship I had with my mother.

Having said that I’m not impressed with support groups for young carers. The ones I’ve seen offer “time out” sessions with other young carers. Firstly there is no practical provision for releasing the carers so that they can go to session, secondly on their time out do they actually want to be with others in the same boat, talking over their problems in usually a quite institutional setting?

Not my idea of a fun break!

If you really want to feel less judgemental towards the father, perhaps ask yourself if you would feel differently if he had been smartly dressed, with no earring. Or would that make it worse?

almost a form of child abuse.

Local authorities in some areas provide support specifically for young carers. One I know of offered group work support to children caring for drug/alcohol addicted parents. Mental health issues are often the reason children find themselves in the role of carer (parent?).
It’s horribly sad, missing out on childhood and education, living with constant worry.

words fail me!!!

He speaks of his family, doesn’t seem to be a wife , surely a mother would protect her child from being a carer. I am sure he must have been offered help, he doesn’t work so must receive benefits so must have had a medical diagnosis.

I am not clear about what adult family is available in this instance - is he divorced and a sole parent?

I know that when you are very depressed it feels hard to behave in a caring and rationale way as you feel so utterly dreadful. But the authorities cannot now claim they do not know about this situation and help should be offered to the whole family to allow this boy to go to school and pursue his interests.

Paddyann, such a pity your three grandchildren and their mother don’t live in caring community , I am sorry

Depression is a horrible thing not something people ask for .If this man is suffering from it badly then he wont be thinking straight and wont realise what effect its having on his son.Three of my GC are classed as young carers ,their mum has multiple health issues and she's confined to bed a lot of the time .Her OH works away 10 out of every 14 days and she depends on the kids to do things around the house and help her when she needs it.She's not doing it out of badness ,there just isn't any alternative .Maybe a bi t of compassion for a man who needs help not criticism .maybe the COMMUNITY could help where they can and free the child up for some time of his own.Its not rocket science its common sense

Such a sad situation for this youngster to be in I can sympathise with people who have problems like this but not at the detriment of a young person such as this boy,he should be out and about with youngsters of his own age and his father should be seeking help for the both of them,the boy looks well cared for I must say and congratulations to his dad for this and his father certainly looks well fed.

Eglantine 21.............you are so right..........and the story you quote is not too different from one I could similarly add........
One tends not to think of home life because to each of us its the "normal" we know.
So I do see your point.

Can I say Panache that it’s not just “these days”. My adoptive mother became quite badly disabled when I was 8years old. Nobody even thought that anyone other than the family would be responsible for any aspect of her care. The health service was very much in its infancy then.

It wasnt until much later in life that I realised how different my childhood had been from that of my contemporaries.

My mother was an absolute star, the best ever person in my life, and I never thought of her as disabled. That sounds silly now but there were just things she couldn’t do that we did for her.

I do feel for this child though. Living with someone who is depressed is very, very difficult even for a mature adult.

Thanks for the link Annie. How very sad.

Thank you for providing the link Anniebach...........in deed heartbreaking......in fact hearing of all these young carers in Wales alone, truly is deeply upsetting...........and there are seemingly no answers at this point.

Certificates if anything are almost an insult.
Both need help.......and now.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-44306700

Here is the father and child

It has really distressed me , the child was holding back tears and struggled to speak, the fact the father was so openly willing to say the little one could do more than others and it was because the child looked after him he was still alive , there was no mention of a mother. I could have been calmer if the father couldn’t walk but the thought of a twelve year old calming an adult when the adult was anxious , calming someone with anxiety is difficult for an adult .

The child was awarded a certificate, he needed to be held close not a damn certificate. What is day to day like for this child who should be carefree .

Panach , they are in Gwent.

I can well understand your feelings Anniebach.

In fact the fact that item of news came via Wales angers and upsets me even more.

I would have liked to think parents would think more of their young children than put them through such obvious stress.
It is absolutely shocking and to know such a thing is happening here under our noses as it were.
Has the father no regard for the well being and education of his very young son?
Does he not realise there are folk whom will understand and help him with his depression etc?
Though sadly again these resources are very limited and so many are left wanting.
Whilst yes a beautiful picture of family love on the one hand...........but also a young life is being wasted and put through un necessary suffering.
So deeply sad.
Our young carers should be given proper assistance ..........sadly so much lacking in our society these days.

However,are there answers to these questions?

A dreadful situation and one I fear which is more common than most of us ever know.
Both the father and the son need help,it should never be an either or.

It doesn't bear thinking about Annie.

Oh Annie don’t be ashamed! In my professional life in education young carers and their families raised the most conflicting emotions in me. On the one hand you have to respect the love they have for each other but I got angry at the impact of that love on young people who don’t have the resources to deal with it. With our impoverished systems we are robbing these children of their childhoods and damaging their futures. You’re right to get angry because young carers are amazing and should never be taken for granted or exploited!