Do I say something ( this could be a long post)

I'm inclined to think this was a feeble attempt at a joke. Difficult to judge without knowing the gentleman. If you feel you must mention it to your friend, suggest you don't make a big deal about it. Wait until you are chatting over cup of tea and perhaps steer the conversation round to some of the issues currently in the media regarding inappropriate behaviour by celebrities. Then perhaps you could drop the minister's comment in and say you thought it was an odd comment.

Probably not the best thing for him to say especially as he prefixed it with "as a minister I probably shouldn't say this"..he probably feels more awkward about it than you should be. I would just forget about it

Inappropriate comment from a man who should have known better. I don’t see any harm in casually mentioning to your friend as to how it offended you a bit.

Petra I think my suggestion has been misunderstood. I meant that it could be mentioned in the context of how you felt about the comment - in just the same way as you would usually talk about things that affect you - with the emphasis on your feelings rather than the (to me, rather daft, but harmless) comment.

DanniRae I read it too quickly. Somehow saw wife rather than friend.

In that case, it could be mentioned but I can't really see what could be gained.

As everyone says it’s an inept attempt at a joke. The midlfe crisis car/motorbike is a cliche.
Two things spring to my mind:
1. He’s heard someone else make the same remark to loud guffaws all round, and wanted to see if he could get the same response. He may have been quite mortified when he saw your face.
2. Can you think of it as a clumsy way of showing what good friends he considers you to be? “We’re old mates, we can banter with no hard feelings” etc

Jaycee - I don't think we even know if he has a wife?

Storm in a Teacup I think. Let it go. Poorly executed banter.

I agree with most posters here. It was just an attempt at humour. It would put me off wanting to have much to do with him, but there is nothing to gain from telling his wife. I'm sure she knows what he is like and would probably be offended on his behalf.
It's creepy but there's no much you can do.
When I visited relatives a while ago, the husband was wearing an apron with a virtually naked and very voluptuous woman on it. He is obese and it was very unpleasant especially as he served standing up with us sitting so it was at an unfortunate height. He obviously wanted a reaction so we didn't give him one. Sometimes ignoring people takes away the thrill they seem to get from people's reactions and it may be that this man is a bit like that.

Men of the cloth hiding unseemly thoughts and sometimes deeds under the cloak of respectability.
I've no time for religion OR for men's 'banter'.

A clumsy joke only. Just forget it.

Petra. Silly' little boy' comes to mind.Say nothing but keep it in mind. Should this person ever make another 'comment'!! then yes I think you should tell your friend.

I think it's been an attempt at a joke don't know the age of the man but I've often come across (dare I say)men particularly over50 who when at a loss in conversation make either sarcastic or unfunny jokes

Yuk! If my minister spoke like that I would feel uncomfortable and would have when I was younger too. He shouldn't talk like that. Ministers are expected to have certain standards. I'm sure you're not the first female he's spoken to like that. I just hope he doesn't embarrass some young girl with that kind of talk. I can't advise whether you say or not. Ask your husband maybe?? I think I would have said something at the time to the minister.

Some people dont understand where comedy ends and offensive takes its place
Absolutely! Some (mainly men) think that they are being 'flirty' and in fact they can come across as sleazy.

I've lost count of the number of aquaintances who've told me to "make sure he gets lots of exercise in the bedroom" wink wink ...after my OH had heart attacks.Really? Its not something I would ever discuss with them so why would they think they can tell me what we should or shouldn't be doing "in the bedroom" It does annoy me, though I know I should ignore them too.Some people dont understand where comedy ends and offensive takes its place .

I was thinking about this today as I was waiting for an appointment and about what maryeliza said:
Also he’s not just some random male is he?
He's not just some random male - he's a minister who may be entrusted with people's innermost thoughts and perhaps secrets. It was rather a sleazy remark.

He could, of course, now be thinking 'why on earth did I say that, what a stupid thing to say'.
You could chat to your friend about him without specifically bringing that up - it could be that she thinks some of his remarks are unsavoury and she stays friends for the sake of his OH (if he has one) in which case you could mention it.

Otherwise do as Elsa suggests.

I'm going to do what Elsa advised: Let it go, let it go.

Same as Luckygirl. I'd ignore the remark but be wary of the man in future.

Pathetic joke - just forget it. I would have forgotten it a second after it had been uttered.

It wasn't an appropriate thing for him to say, but I think you should ignore it for the poor taste it was. Don't add more fuel to the fire, so to speak. I don't think there is anything your friend can do, and she might become incredibly upset.

Eglantine21
I think your right. He wanted to appear as being very modern and on the edge. He said himself "I always wanted something like this, but wasn't allowed, that's why I play golf"
I have given a lot of thought as to why I even thought of telling her. The only reason I can think of is because she is the person I go to with anything on my mind.
Maryeliza54
I think you've hit on something there: that word 'fiddling'. To me it is a horrible word especially in that context and coupled with the word 'minister'
DanniRae
We got in the car, looked at one another and said " what was that about, wierd"

Yes a minister (doctor, psychotherapist etc) does have special status which is why all professions like that have codes of ethics about behaviour inside and outside of work. This man has a trusted status and it’s clear he doesn’t seem understand the boundaries of appropriate behaviour. I woukd be far from sanguine that this comment was a one off

If you accord some special status to employees of the church I guess not.

Personally I think picking up the cudgels on someone else’s behalf is a forest beset with traps. Or expecting someone else to deal with what essentially is your problem.

But we quite often see things differently Maryeliza. Makes life interesting at least ?

Really Eglantine saying something to my friend about her obnoxious visitor is just something I would do without going into my motives beforehand. As for making her choose between him and me this would never come into my mind. I can only speak for about my life but in this situation we would either laugh/or be cross about a minister who felt it ok to say such things or if it turned out that my friend defended him then that would mean we would leave the subject and move on to other things. I would certainly not expect her to speak to him about it.
I guess we all handle situations differently and I am just setting out how it would be for me.