Sorry but I am so sad

Nfk, i am really worried about her .

I am in contact with MIND, they took on our drop in centre when we had to close it.

I can understand that they all need space, to be away in completely different surroundings, to help them to heal. They’ll be fine. But it doesn’t help you, especially in the short term. Have you contacted MIND?

We haven’t a motor way in Mid Wales, a lot of mountain roads,!

She has had too much loss, her brother has decided to buy a property in Cardiff next year, her sister has the daft idea of moving to Cornwall. ,they have always been very close.

mmmm thanks. I kinda get it! Geography not my strong point.

Yes Annie you must tweet like a noisy bird and get a home visit. Sad to say we have to make a big old fuss to get anything.

I'm not saying the GP will have a magic wand but he/she may be able to point you in the direction of supportive things you hadn't considered or don't know about.

My goodness! 200 miles a day? Even on a motorway it’ll be tiring. They’ll move again before long, you’ll see!

No, she gave up Halls of residence when her mother died. She is too vunerable.

Does she stay at uni? Otherwise it seems a no brainer to me that they should live between the two places, but I do see why she feels the need to move away from the town and the memories.

I know GPs are disinclined to do home visits unless they have to but sometimes you have to be a pain in their sides to get attention. The most demanding little birds get fed first and all that. I think it’s time you made a bit more of a fuss. You deserve it.

oldbatty, my granddaughter is moving north the university is in the south , distance between the two is 100 miles . This town is midway between the two. Her boyfriend works in the north, until they move he drives 59 miles to work, granddaughter travels by bus 50 miles to the university , I thought they would have looked for a place here and shared the travelling but no, he will be a few minutes from work and she will be 100 miles from university. Can you see why I am troubled ? And no you are not dim x ?

sorry Annie? dont understand the potential 100 mile drive to University?
Must be dim!

I dont know your circumstances but please go to the GP. I am not for a moment doubting that MH is poorly funded but perhaps there is something out there?
Ring Cruse maybe?

I am ok. It was a shock the little one moving , big mistake, she thinks she can drive 100 miles to university .

No local groups, have applied for a move but told no. I can’t afford a private rent . This is a rural area, the nearest Age Wales is 30 miles away . Mental health teams are divided, under 65 a team in the town, over 65 ten miles away. They do not make home visits, I can’t afford a car. Cruse office is 60 miles away . I had a down moment when I started this thread. Quite simple really - get a grip ?

Sorry Annie I’ve only just seen this thread. .

And just as you were starting to get a bit fatter too! It’s a shame both girls are moving at the same time, I think you had said one was going. I can understand why they want to move away, but it looks like your youngest will be coming past quite close, quite often if she’s living north and at uni to the south, I’m sure she’ll pop in often. 60 miles may be the moon to you but its not so far for her.

And don’t worry about your daughter’s ashes. I know someone who has her son’s ashes with her still. After 15 years. Its not uncommon. If it makes you feel better and it feels right, then it is right.

Perhaps its time to consider moving away from that bloody bridge too. There must be a way. Around here some housing with care places do take small dogs provided you can clear up after them and excercise them.

There must be some help you can get somewhere to overcome the agrophobia surely. A local Agrophobics Anonymous?! You have tried crying haven’t you? When you do get to see your GP? Putting on a brave face doesn’t work. Hysterics does!! If you look as if you’re coping you’ll be left on your own. XX

She sounds like she was so much fun Annie and it is no wonder she has left such a void in your life. It is good to remember all the good stuff and to smile whenever you possibly can.

please get some help Annie. Sorry to hear your particular church is not available but there are others?

Sorry annie I do understand. I was wrong to suggest you try and cross the bridge. As I said it's easy for me and hard for you. Listen to the advice of maw and others with a greater understanding of what you are going through. Keep focused on your happy memories. I hope in time things will become easier.

There are no church groups here now.

I will be ok, at times it’s difficult when I can’t talk about her,as if she had never existed. I don’t want long drawn out sad conversations , just at times being able to say she did this or said that , even through her illness these fun times happened . My birthday this year will be difficult, I never knew what she would turn up with, a bin bag filled with fun things and nothing that came out would surprise me but would give me cause to laugh and some things which were so sentimental. Please let me tell you this then I will shut up.
Three birthdays ago, she called from the front door ‘open the door I can’t, I did so and she was standing there clutching a very, very large object, all I could see was her legs , her hands clutching the package and a rather red face . It was a framed poster of the film Gone With The Wind, the cinama front poster, she had walked over two miles with it after bidding for it at an auction . Too heavy to hang from the wall of these little bungalows . I loved the film and she was rather fond of putting off studying - to tomorrow, I would call her Katie Scarlet when she said this , she remembered from over thirty years before . ? it’s propped against the wall in my bedroom. .

Thank you x

Love the description of all your things Annie and can understand all the memories and think that you are really blessed to have so many. You do know deep down that your new house has nothing whatsoever to do with all this stuff happening and it is a blessing that you are in a much easier place in which to live. It would all have happened anyway. You will eventually cope with everything but you have to give yourself time. Just as Maw says - and I would counsel at least a year before even beginning the thought processes necessary before doing anything. The trouble always is that things keep happening so you get little time to make those adjustments in your mind's eye.

Oh Annie you have had so much to deal with in such a short space of time no wonder you are finding just getting through a day hard.

I am angry on your behalf (I know it won't help but ...) that there is virtually no help or support for you from any of the agencies we always thought of as being there to help.

As for feeling angry with yourself - you need your energy to take care of yourself. seems like life has given you a real bashing you don't need to be doing that to yourself.

Please work at being kind to yourself not angry with yourself.

Are there any GNers near where you live that can come and visit you?

Nothing will take the place of you DD or your lovely GD's but may be a little company from someone who has some understanding and compassion for your situation may give you something to look forward to.

Please keep posting, if all us GNers can do is reply to you at least you will know there are people out here in the cloud that are wishing you well.

Take Care and I hope there is some way for you to change your situation. xx

Maw, I can understand your G.P advising that. My house is filled with so many memories of her sense of humour, I have so many owl things around, she found so many fun things, owl key ring, door stopper, owls made from wood, coal, leather, even a photograph of her kissing an owl, there are ten ceramric house plant pots in the living room for my indoor garden, a nightdress with Tigger on the front! a set of three owls she said represented me , her and her sister, one, laughing two are grumpy, yes she was the laughing one, A peace Angel, these don’t make me unhappy, even an indoor iron water feature which makes me dash to the loo if in use, she thought this was so funny. The bridge would block all these lovely memories out.

I think you are right not to force yourself to do anything, Anniebach
The time may come when you feel you can face it, but not for a long while.
If you can try not to focus on her last hours that would be good though. It can only cause you pain.
I find myself going back and back again to those last hours of Paw’s life and while I also have fond memories of the DDs, SILs and his sisters all holding hands round his bed as we said the Lord’s Prayer and the Grace, nevertheless it is very distressing. Try not to dwell if you can. My sympathetic Dr on Tuesday recommended (which I have done already) having happy pictures of Paw all round the house so that those images will embed themselves in my mind. She also said that she was brought up in N London in a Jewish tradition of waiting one year before even thinking of “moving on”. Getting those anniversaries, the “first” everything past, marking the year of his passing with the family and setting the stone and then taking that deep breath.

Anniebach you say the church has closed. Are there no church people left around or is there a house church group? I’m clutching at straws here and desperately hoping that there is someone local who could try and help. There is also Bereavement Councilling or the Samaritans. A difficult ask I know but they might know of other options. Sending you love and prayers and will add you to our prayer list.

I just can’t go to the bridge, I know I should but at times I have thoughts of her standing there at 5.00am, so dark and she was so alone, can’t get past that , the man who tried to save her said she looked confused and couldn’t\wouldn’t speak. I adored her . In my house I can think of her here laughing , I want to hold onto this. I know it’s wrong, I never locked the door at night in case she needed me,i still cannot lock it. I am wrong not allowing her to be interred but I want her to come with me , not be alone in the cemetery. Suppose I am not ready to let go.

Sorry

If all you did was post meme threads then there would not be so many people posting on them trying to support you annie. We are here for you as we have always been. Although there is little we can do in our virtual world we do care and know that all you have been through has brought you to this low point.
I wish there was something we could do to help. Your DGDs sound lovely and although you will miss them it sounds as though they intend to keep in touch.
annie I know why the bridge holds such sad and awful thoughts for you but your DD is now at peace. She loved you and I cannot believe she would want you to be trapped like this in your home. I fear to suggest it but is it possible that you could try and face that bridge (maybe with some flowers for your DD) and know that she is free from pain now. I know this is easy for me to write and so hard for you to do but I wonder if it is your only way forward. I pray for you to be given the strength and help you need x

mmm Annie, sometimes when we are in a spin mentally we cant think straight.

Undoubtebly support for MH issues is much depleted.

Do you have a nice ,calm friend or relative who can help you make sense of this predicament and move forward.

There must be some help out there....perhaps you are polite and minimise your distress?
Can you make a list and go to the GP and refuse to budge until somebody offers something?

Anniebach do not waste your energy being angry with yourself, you have nothing to reproach yourself with.
Do not be annoyed except with “fate” - you have had the rawest of deals for a while and I just hope that somehow fortune will smile on you before very long

Hell, this is yet another meme thread