Sorry but I am so sad

oldbatty, it does work I promise you, sometimes a whole series of boxes are appropriate with each one containing an 'issue'. Again only open a box if you want to, you can leave it if you 'don't want to go there' on that particular day. It reduces issues down to manageable proportions. You start to take back your 'power' or 'emotional energy' when you do this . It is a simple exercise but incredibly empowering. Looking after your own emotional health and well-being gives you the clarity you need to then assess and prioritise the other issues in your life. I hope this helps. xx

kwest , I like the idea of the box in your head. I need one for " my parents are in denial about extreme old age and my sibling doesnt return my calls"
It is engulfing me.

I would view it from the positive- you have been extremely lucky to have them close for so long- very few do in those days where people move about.

Anniebach

You might see if maybe a recreation therapist or occupational therapist could suggest something for you. A rec therapist specializes in helping people make the most of their leisure, and an occupational therapist might be able to suggest something that would allow you to knit in spite of your arthritis. Your GP might be able to make a referral for you.

Keep a little 'grief box' in your head. Allow yourself to open it for maybe ten or fifteen minutes every day and during that time feel free to acknowledge and experience whatever feelings that come up for you. When the time is up mentally put the lid back onto the box and agree with yourself that you will not open it until the same time the next day. This technique allows you to experience your sadness but it also give you permission to 'let it go' for the next almost twenty-four hours. This frees you up to explore new interests and to find out who you really are in this new phase in your life and it means that you refuse to be defined by your 'loss'.

I was puzzled by lawless ?, I have retired from voluntary work, did it for many years . I need to find new hobbies, wretched arthritis has stopped my favourite pastimes.

We use FaceTime a lot, I have had guided tour of the house in this town elder granddaughter is renting and also viewed the apartment with younger granddaughter when she was viewing with the estate agent , they FaceTime from their bedrooms when at home, even when they were in halls of residence . Never know when they are going to pop up ?

Sorry not lawless ... I mean “yourself occupied”. Lol typo

Hi Annie
Do your grandchildren use FaceTime ? Can they show you how to use it also ;0) ...
I know this has helped many of the ladies I know who are now grandmothers ......also ...can you keep your lawless occupied in between with hobbies or even voluntary work .. something for your enjoyment also ?
Good luck ?

Boundaries Annie -thinking of you++

Oldbatty, I need to do the same, thank you x

Annie, nothing like your circumstances but we had to do that with my son, who lost his way at University.

It was tough because he was making some very poor choices. I backed off and he sorted himself out.

Me at 19? listen to my parents then do exactly what I wanted to do. I have said to my younger daughter- my grandson is so like his father, elder granddaughter is so like her mother, no idea who the little one is like !

There comes a time to step back and accept they will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. I think that time has come with my grandchildren.

(Is your granddaughter a chip off the old block? Quite strong minded, pushing herself too far trying to help others? What would you do if you were her?)

Sorry Annie, I wasn’t suggesting your granddaughter contacts MIND, I just hoped they might be able to help you manage your agrophobia so your can better help her. Nothing deep. I suppose I find it hard to believe the lack of proper care, understanding and support in your area.

Both she and her sister refused to talk to the high school councillor when their mother became ill,both really dislike discussing things apart from with each other, me and my younger daughter , they try to protect their father because they think he has been through so much worry over my daughter , I have explained he doesn’t need this.

ah OK.......I see....but struggling with course, feeling vulnerable and putting pressure on herself ,of course are not indicators of a person with MH issues. They may however be indicators of a person needing a listening ear?

But she hasn’t got mental health issues Oldbatty. Thank you for your concern x

Universities, I think have wised up to wellbeing and MH issues. Annie, you feel she wouldnt talk to strangers......I wonder if she could?

I know you are heartily sick of me banging on but I feel you are so burdened and low. Please, please see a GP. I hear you loud and clear about the difficulties in accessing support but please consider the alternatives? You cant shoulder this alone.

Willow, I suggested she changed to a university only 38 miles from where she will move to, same course. No, must be Cardiff - as her siblings did !

Annie just a thought but would it be possible for her to transfer her course to a uni nearer to her new home? I can understand your worrying about her - she has been through such an emotional upheaval in the last few months and now starting out on a different path which is another pressure you're bound to be concerned. As they're on summer break now I think and she won't start back until Sept maybe she could apply to change. I know my own granddaughter was having to travel the 25 miles back and forth to her uni when she and her boyfriend moved back to her family town for the new job he has which was bad enough. It probably depends on the course your GD is doing but might be worth mentioning.

She has three mornings of 9.00am lectures, her father thinks as she is starting her second year next September she will have fewer, he has told her when she starts back for her second year she has to stay at the family home when she has lectures .she has just told me she doesn’t want to disappoint him, seems it’s the third child problem, she wants to do as well as her siblings, her father would understand

Annie, just catching up with this. Does your granddaughter go into university every day? Many students on Art or Drama type degrees do but those doing eg English, History or Science degrees don't need to be in daily. Having said that, I can see why you're so worried about her. Look after yourself x

I have explained what is available Nfk, nothing, the mental health dept is split in two, over 65’s have to go ten miles from town . I did check with MIND, there are no support groups. No way would I suggest my granddaughter go to MIND, she Is not mentally ill, she is an 18 year old who has fallen madly in love with a 21 year old and he with her, I am sure if she had to choose she would choose being with him and give up university, she hasn’t told her father she has to start her course from scratch next September. I am really worried about her . The boyfriend has been with her through the death of her paternal grandfather and her mother. She refuses to listen to me, her sister or my younger daughter, I feel guilt not telling my son in law but I cannot break my promise to keep their secrets. No way would she talk to strangers .

Perhaps they may come up with ideas to help your agrophobia and help you help your granddaughter. Can someone come to the house to help and advise you? Term finishes soon for your granddaughter and she can most likely study at home so won’t be facing the journey every day. Then she’ll have the summer to be with her boyfriend in a completely different place and get her head straight and heal. She’ll be ok. Your priority is to get yourself fit and well again. Can you persuade her to ring you say three evenings a week to reassure her you’re ok (really the other way around!) and chat about her course, the state of the world and inconsequential stuff?