sad & lonely

I agree that friendship now is a quite different thing to how it was years ago. Socialising used to be home based and so was more intimate in a way. Now, it’s all about meeting up somewhere for coffee, or having meals out. It’s lovely but I don’t think you really get to know someone in a close way. And I also agree that it takes time....years...to really get to know someone. It helps if you choose activities that you’re deeply interested in, I think, because you’ve got that common bond right from the start. Keep going!

Its true times have changed, years ago I seemed to be at endless coffee mornings when not working now I meet friends at the tea shops that seem to be everywhere. Even staying in the same area doesn't always ensure lots of friends as people move on to be near family or for work. You are doing all the right things not sure what the answer is in this fast, busy world we now live in.

I felt lonely when I moved to my DH's home area leaving my home 500 miles away.
I joined some groups and found other incomers like myself who became friends.
However I can still feel low on occasions.
I have started a couple of groups too.
I wanted to play badminton and needed at least four to hire a court so put up a notice at the library and asked for people to sign up. They did and we still play many years later.
I wish you all the best for making new friends.

I think it depends where you live, also times have changed Most of my friends suggest meeting outside the home I can’t remember the last time anyone knocked at the door for a coffee on spec, but I made a new friend the other week she’s from ‘opp north’ and first thing she said was pop round for a coffee any time

I was in a similar position a few years ago. I have joined groups and could easily fill my week up with activities and meetings if I chose to. I have met a few people that I would like to get to know more, but they, like me, have a lot to do and family committments. So it is a slow progress. I think it takes years to make a good friend unless you are lucky enough to click with someone straight away.

I have now decided that I will be happier if, instead of seeking friends, I do something useful, such as working as a volunteer . There is no shortage of options - old people, disabled, new mums and others, all needing some support, usually short term until they have found their feet. . If you forget about making friends and do something useful instead, the friends may happen along the way and you will immediately have a connection rather than just a superficial passtime in common. But even if that doesn’t happen, you will probably feel happier and more satisfied with life.

3 years is a good length of time to meet new people, but friends are more difficult to make. You are doing all the right things so keep on and be open to new ideas. I did read somewhere that you can only count real friends on one hand, as opposed to people you know so perhaps don't expect too much.

I think the nature of socialising has changed in the past couple of decades. I've lived in my area on and off for about 20 years. When I first lived here I would invite people and be invited for coffee to peoples houses.

Today, it's much more likely to be an invitation to meet up at a coffee shop or similar and people don't just drop in any more.

Keep plugging away, Ziggy, there will be someone out there, I'm sure.

It does take time - we have been in our new place nearly 2 years and I would not say I know many new people - certainly not whom I would call friends. But I still have lots of contacts with old friends as we did not move very far.

I think you have to bide your time - that is one of the problems with moving when you are not in the first flush of youth - time is a commodity in short supply!

Please don't let it get you down - just stick at it and friendships will develop over time.

Don't completely write off the church groups, Ziggy. They probably have lots of activities - from women's groups to flowercraft courses, musical groups and regular walks. These are not restricted to regular and/or enthusiastic church-goers, and their ethos is to welcome everybody who joins. I have always found pleasant people in church organisations and if you meet the same people week after week as you walk with them and get coffee at a watering hole you may find them gradually turinng into friends.

The committees are always in need of volunteers - step forward if you are interested, or keep very quiet at the back of the room if you are not!

Real friendships do not develop over night and perhaps you are trying too hard?
Sounds silly perhaps, but things like this simply happen and develop when oft lease expected, and in the strangest of circumstances.There is certainly no hard and fast rule.

However I think you need putting out some feelers,find some clubs or organisations you find something in common with,reach out and invite people in for just a simple "getting to know you session,a tea or coffee meet"......some point you will find that one that "clicks"....and once the ball starts rolling, believe me it can run away fast and furiously, with you being the centre of the attention!
But first things first.
Get out into these areas where these people meet and hopefully, there will be other interesting groups besides the religious ones you have no desire to meet.
Being morose and down hearted will send off the wrong vibes.

Come on,put on your glad rags and get yourself back out there,keep plugging at it,but don`t make this fact "the be all and end all" of your life...............just let things happen, nice and naturally.
Show them you are worth knowing by being friendly,attentive to whatever is being said,be interesting yourself, and make yourself available for all and any meets.
Good Luck!!

I now what you mean Ziggy I was here for about 2 years before I made any contacts and I would say after 8 years I still don't have many close friends although one of those I met through Gransnet so definitely keep going on here and think about coming to one of the local meet ups. Keep trying new things and you will eventually find some like minded people if not perhaps close friends. Good Luck.

I guess you just have to keep on keeping on with the groups. Have you invited anyone to your home or to meet for coffee outwith the groups?