Iis it unnatural to love your partner MORE than your children.

I think that children should always come first regardless. I love my DH but I’d survive just fine without him and vice-versa. I value my independence and don’t like the idea of a co-dependency type partnership, although I can see it with some of my friends who will clearly struggle when one of the partners dies first.

Love is love.

It is not “more” or “less”.

I’ve never understood “I love you very much”. It’s as if our love should be metered out.

For those that have difficult relationships this is a non started especially if they have left or want to.

I have obviously got this wrong. After my first child was born my husband asked me who I would save, if the house was on fire, him or the baby. I said the baby without hesitation. Maybe that explains why the relationship didn't last. I still put my children first but I'm happy on own.

Of course it’s a different kind of love, but in my experience the instant and overwhelming love for my 3 children far outweighed anything else I have ever felt in my entire life. Altho I am very lucky now in my life, I have never been lucky enough to ever meet my Mr Right, just a couple of Mr Wrongs ! My 2nd husband constantly tried to make me choose between my kids or him .... he was on a losing streak just for putting me in that position, as if it was a game for his ego, totally disrespecting the bond I had as a mother. I told him this, but when his company collapsed and he hit the bottle, his behaviour worsened ... I divorced him for mental cruelty.

You cannot chose to love one person more than another....We don't control this emotion. We can't even love our children equally....

I’m sorry, but as soon as I had my first baby I knew that I could never love my husband as much as any of my children, and after three children that feeling remained. If had to choose, my children would come first.

Completely different kinds of love.
When my children were born, and indeed my grandchildren, the love that gushed out of my heart made me feel that it would pop out of my body.
Love for your partner comes nowhere near in that particular intensity.

Love isn’t a choice, I didn’t choose to love my husband , and I didn’t give thought to -I must be my own rock, I just loved him .

When our first child was born I was quite shaken by my feelings for her, it was overwhelming, this wasn’t a choice.

I think it changes over time:- Partner - baby - children - and partner again. I also think your brain does it for you no need for advice.

There isn't a man alive I would put before my children. Your children are part of you physically and emotionally forever. I loved all my children instantly with my whole being when one of them died I left something of myself behind never to be recovered. My husband was very different and ended very badly I don't miss him at all my life is better without him

As long as love is unconditional that’s what really matters, children, mothers,: friends and husbands, all important to us. The trick is to make everyone of them feel special to you. Your lucky to have a good marriage and it’s working for you. I do hope though that gone are the days where the man sits at the head of the table and rules over all, demanding your attention above all others.

I think the love you have for your children is a different type of love to the one you have for your husband.
Sometimes when we have our babies we are so taken up with caring and protecting the baby that husband sometimes feels neglected. Yes, caring for children and doing housework and cooking is tiring but a kiss and a cuddle would make him and hopefully you feel so much better.

Surely you cannot 'choose' to love one more than the other. Love is an emotion. It flows naturally.

As others have said it's a different kind of love. Having said that I think it was always important to us to make time for each other right from the start and that still stands. When our children were very young we had them in a regular routine, bath story, bedtime and that was it, the evening was ours. I knew plenty of other people who allowed their children to rule their lives at that age, constant bed hopping, always sleeping in their parents' beds, we didn't have that unless they were ill. My husband had two children already, late teens, when we got together so his knowledge of parenting was already in place, I was a complete novice and hadn't really spent time around young children. Parenting has different stages, some more difficult than others, teen years with one of ours would be a period I wouldn't choose to repeat. Inevitably, children do occupy your time and thoughts whatever age they are and like most, I never stop worrying about them. When they are young it is easy to lose sight of the need for adult time, because being a parent can be all consuming.

I often have lunch with a friend who never does anything "together" with her husband, holidays, meals out, cinema, absolutely nothing, not because of a lack of money either. Right from the start they always made their only child their raison d'etre, so if they go out for a birthday meal, she comes too, similarly they will go away for a few days together it will never be the two of them. She's in her late 20s now, so I'm thinking from her point of view tagging along with one parent or another isn't good for her. I'm also struck by how many times my friend will text her during our lunch out meet ups, given she will be picking her up at their local station later after her daughter's daily commute to work, having driven her to the station in the morning. It's like she's still at school

Now that the 'Who to save in a fire' or 'who to put in the life boat' scenarios have been raised, I find that I can answer them immediately. Our 3 DGC are 9, 10 and 11, no longer babies but with their whole lives before them. Therefore they come first, DDs next, then SILs. As for DH, he cannot function without my constant care, so either we both survive or we die together.

I can't really comment I split with my ex years ago, so the children have come first for years. One thing I would ask, how do those of you who love their DH/DP best relate to their daughters? I only realised as I grew older that my mum regarded me as a rival and did her very best to ensure I didn't get too close to my dad. They were very young when they married and had children, so I do understand, but regret that I let her manipulate me so much and didn't appreciate what was going on at the time. I wonder if this is a problem others have struggled with?

"I agree with Elegran there are different kinds of love" - that's my view too.
I think the love for our children is the strongest, because it includes a protective instinct, often a parent will give up their life for a child. Maybe a way of keeping the human race going.
Would you give up your life for your husband , or wife?

And if your child's fit and well and 42 and your partner's disabled?

I think what most of us are saying, BlueBelle, is that we love all our family equally, but give priority to the one who needs our love and care the most at any given time. In that family, nobody's second best. Love is not finite, and every new member of the family brings their own love with them.

Pretend you have one child and one partner there’s a fire and you can only rescue one ?
I would rescue my child go back for the partner but the child first

I agree with Elegran there are different kinds of love and its no more or no less important for our partners and children.

Yes I had two loving parents also,they were together from being 16, until my dad passed away at 80.I once when only young remember asking mum who she loved the most me or dad, I was an only child, without hesitation she said the same but different. When I got married, she told me to look after my husband, but always put the children first.I always put my husband and the children first, and even now there's just the two of us at home, I put dh before myself.I have to agree with Bluebelle though I love my children more than anyone else .

I find this so sad that people grow up feeling they are second best, it’s wonderful to find a partner that you are so exclusively in love with that you feel no one else exist, but how very very sad for the kids Gillybob thank goodness you had a sister
I cannot imagine loving anyone more than any of my children, they would never ever come first because my children would need me more than any partner and it would be an inbuilt loving protection
It’s interesting that your Mum needed you and your sister after your dad died paddyann but didn’t need you when she had him I find that so sad
Looks like I m the only one here who could never love anyone in the world more than my kids

My own mum and dad were a bit like yours Paddyann met as teenagers and were together a day less than 70 years mum died soon after dad and I can imagine her thinking ‘hold on you re going nowhere without me’ Howere I never ever felt second best to their love I felt both protected and loved me equally

Annie ????

My parents were always the centre of each others universe ..they were brilliant parents though .When dad died mum was angry with him because he always said he would never leave her.They had been boyfriend and girfriend since they were 12 years old and he was months off 70 when he dropped dead in the street .
She never recovered from his death.She relied on me and my sister for company and help and everything else care wise as she got older .My GM was the same she lost my GF when she was in her early fifties and lived until her mid 80's as did her mother before her,widowed very young . .None of the women in my family ever had men friends or remarried
I always say I'll be the same ,you cant improve on perfection .