My friend’s husband is full of self-importance

There should be a thirty second rule for general conversations. After thirty seconds a red light comes on and it's someone else's turn. Do it twice and the ejector seat takes over!

Some people would be fine with this as they are interested in others and listen as well as talk but the real bores drone on and on. I am seriously tempted to bill some of my acquainatnce for what they have wasted of my attention and time.

It can be very difficult to “divert” a storyteller. My husband tells a good story, and is usually very amusing. Unfortunately, he has a tendency, on occasion, to completely take over the conversation, which I find embarrassing. He is impervious to hints! My problem, not his, I suppose ?

Bridgeit - As you said you do in an earlier post, I also preface my fascinating recital of anecdotes with 'I might have already told you this ...' Either I have very kind friends or their memories are as unreliable as my own!

I think this is quite common,especially when they haven’t quite settled into retirement, but you say he has been retired for some time, so there could well be an underlieing medical issue, has he shown any signs of being less confident or capable than he used to be ?

Maybe the poor man doesn't feel he has any other achievements apart from his job. We have a friend who worked in two jobs during his working life and played sport as a young man. So his main conversations centre around these 3 subjects. But he isnt bragging at all. It's mainly noticeable when in the company of other men who have had a much more varied life than him.

If I am to be brutally honest with myself, and having been brought up a catholic I have heard about examining ones conscience, I find myself repeating anecdotes I realise I have told before. It tends to happen as we age, I remember older relatives doing it too.

Any chance that your DH and your friend's who mercifully get on well (that is far from always being the case, I may say) could take up a new mutual hobby, go bowling together, play petanque, join the local political party that suits them, so that they have something new to do and discuss?

Thank you for some very interesting feedback for me to reflect on. The fact that he can be very entertaining and likeable means my DH and I continue to enjoy his company. It’s just a shame when the ‘my job was so important and I did it so well’ cloud descends. Coping mechanisims are obviously the way to go ....

I think Willow500 may be right, it could be a sign of early dementia.

Gabrielle G your suggestions on Vicky Mildews friendship problem raises the question of the way we do things, you suggest a retaliation response, which I sense would be the action of an enemy not a friend. However, I think what your saying is that this can't be a very sound friendship is VM finds this man so irritating. The way to deal with it, should not be to change the man, it should be to reflect on just what sort of friendship it is. I think this couple deserve more from a friend to be frank.

Do you think that this man might miss his past life, and has not much to contribute when your all talking about your busy lives, therefore he goes to what he has done and the things he seems to miss.

Other people have said here that perhaps you could make a joke about it and maybe he will pick up on it.

Your friendship sounds tenous if you cannot cope with this mans 'self importance' as you describe it. So perhaps you should re-consider what this friendship means to you and is it worth putting up with someone who so clearly irritates you.

The other thing I noticed is that you say it has "washed over" you in the past, why is it not washing over you now it may be more about you than him. I wonder also why you expect this mans wife to "rein him in".

From what you say I would suggest that you really should consider revisiting why you are friends with these people. The very least that a declared friendship should have is that you like your friends, and they should be able to expect that, at the very least from a "friend".

If you can't hand on heart say that you like them both faults and all then your not being true to either this couple or yourself.

I do it too, and my DH, in fact most of the people I know well repeat stories. When you have known someone a long time they are bound to repeat stories because you eventually run out of things to say. I think you could say with a laugh and smile "oh yes, what that when ....." to indicate you have heard it before but to get up and walk out or say anything hurtful and blunt would be really unkind. I certainly wouldn't want to spend any more time with someone who was so rude to me or my DH so the worry about listening to stories again would be gone..for good.

Thank god for a balance of common sense and humanity , Elegran, lemongrove eat al.
The world according to GabriellaG does not appeal one jot.

I think I go with Elegrans option.

Or even better, say (with a smile) "Oh yes, I remember you telling me that. It was very funny. Was that the same man who . . .?" and bring in another of his many repeated stories. Remind him that he has told that one before (and the other one!) but without implying that he is a boring old fart and you are not going to sit and talk to him any longer.

If you find someone boring or repetitive then just remove the audience i.e yourself. Just get up and say, 'oh, I 've heard this story so many times before, I'll take this opportunity to go and make us a cup of tea.' Some people may not realise they've told this particular story to 'this' audience or they may not care and just like the sound of their own voice but you do not have to endure it!

I do have to try & remember who I've told things to, friends in different circles & family. My DM (89) often repeats things but equally she will ask if she has already told me. I suspect this man has lost his purpose in life since he retired, perhaps he can be persuaded to find some new interests or has he always been a bore?

Boring as it might be but at times you have to go along with people who like to reminisce, and not always due to the onset of dementia but are feeling the loss of that which had been part of their life for so long but not any more .It is an age thing and no doubt I have bored others with my past
If that tedious find other friends

When my old school friend and our DH's get together - we repeat the old stories - probably exaggerating a little more each time and killing our selves laughing at our wit.- the DH's roll their eyes but we ignore them and enjoy ourselves

Ask him how he fills in his time now is retired and suggest he takes up a new hobby from re-living his past

Truth hurts, MawBroon GabriellaG does it?
Hurting people whether by what I say or what I do has never been part of my upbringing or indeed inclination.
I see no need to humiliate or embarrass this man or his wife when there are more tactful, indeed friendlier ways of behaving.
By all means be upfront- perhaps someone who is ASD or manifesting symptoms of Asperger’s might approve of your course of action, but I believe that friendship, tolerance and understanding go a whole lot further in easing social interaction and ultimately being happier people.
But you go ahead and be truthful
You go ahead and hurt people’s feelings.
Sadly something we see all too often on GN.

MawBroon

Truth hurts or is at least uncomfortable for some people to hear. If he hasn't got anything interesting going on in his life since retirement, why bore other people with stories well past their sell by date?
In the workplace, he was somebody
At home he's lost that kudos.
IMO, it's ok to tell a long-standing friend that it's time to change the record.

When he starts on one of his diatribes, I gather you know them/him well enough to say (with a smile) 'Ok ---- ( name) have you no recent stories to tell us, because I can recite those old chestnuts of yours backwards?'
Said pleasantly, I can't see it causing offence. His wife must be sick of hearing them but probably switches off.
Alternatively, recite a very long-winded version of something you have previously told them. Make it as boring as possible.
I'd excuse myself when he started and not come back until his mouth stopped moving.

I sometimes get the feeling I might have somethings on GN before. Does that count. Can you recycle a topic?

Yes Teetime, I thought that too - people who are confident and feel OK about themselves, don't need to show off. So what's going on underneath maybe a fear that his worth was in his work, and now he is unsure if he is worth much. It is much easier to accept behaviour of any kind, if you can see that there is probably something underlying it, and in this case it may be uncertainty about himself. This may make it easier for Vicky - as you've known him for some time, it may not have been easy to see that something different is going on now for your friends husband.

Rufus, there are other men on this site! You are not alone!

Kittylester; Thanks for your assurance, but they don't appear to be in the Shed.

Ta-Ra, and Good Health