Adults childrens birthdays

I never expect to be included in anything but always always hope. I get lucky every now and again. I did once blot my copybook by nor attending a family holiday that was arranged. Hasn't been suggested since so I guess one hit and I'm out.

I always give my adult children a birthday gift even though I'm not well off. I also have 7 grandchildren so it can be expensive but I only give each grandma d child a little thing. When money is tight I focus on my own children as the grandchildren have their own parents to give to them.

Forty year olds don't really need elderly parents for birthday celebrations. They celebrate with their own friends and families. You realised that hen you didn't invite your parents to your 21 at birthday. You were officially grown up.

Sulis....i agree with nitpick and I would sell up find a nice residential home with friends I could make or better still in your will leave everything in trust to your granddaughter and leave your son a letter in your will telling him why!

I think I'm built the wrong way around! I really don't enjoy the thought of birthday celebrations, which imo seem quite over the top these days, but I know I am so fortunate have a lovely family who always visit on my birthday, or we go out. Tbh I'd be happy with a card from each of them and sit and read a book all day with a bit of cake! Usually we get together for their birthdays too and, even if they do go out with friends instead, we always celebrate near the time as well, though again I'd be happy with my own thoughts of their actual birth day. Maybe it's because we tried to make their birthdays special when they were young so they do feel it's an occasion, whereas birthdays weren't a big thing in my family. I didn't feel hard done by though as it was the same for all my friends then. I do understand that's it's important to many people so I'm very sorry you feel left out. Fortunate though to have a welcoming dd and dgd.

Sulis please start putting yourself first and don’t let yourself get treated in that way. Where’s the respect, not to mention gratitude!

I would not expect to do more than send a card and present for my kids’ birthdays but this year am having the children of one of them for the night so my son-in-law can surprise my DD with a weekend away. Occasionally a birthday will result in a big family meal at a restaurant which is lovely but far from expected. I don’t mind at all though we are a close family. I wouldn’t have wanted my parents at my birthday
celebration.

We always have a family meal (take away at mine, as I 've got the most space or we go to the Toby Carvery) for every birthday celebration but if my adult daughters go out for a drink it's with their friends and I babysit. I see nothing wrong with that, I don't invite my family when I see my friends. If children are bought up to recognise that birthdays, Christmas etc. are important enjoyable family occasions then they will want to continue doing it. When there are family splits, thoughtlessness has become the norm. I'm always expected to help out at grandchildren's parties; the other nan lives further away so comes sometimes if she can. I'm lucky I live near all my family but even if I didn't I feel I would be asked to go and stay with them at these special occasions.

Sulis, I send you my sympathy and feel very sad for you. Please think of yourself and your own needs for a change.

Franbern, I would never expect to be included in my children's birthday celebrations now that they are adults.

You mention that you didn't invite your own parents to your 21st, despite living with them. So I guess it isn't really a tradition in your family to include the parents in any birthday celebrations. You reap what you sow , to my mind.

My sons’ birthdays seem to have become three day events. One for our family, one for their friends, and one for work colleagues.

None of mine make a big deal of birthdays, theirs or mine. My daughter ignores hers and the boys might go for a meal with their families/ partner. I suppose I get more upset that they don’t bother with mine even special ones because they all know I don’t get on with their dad and hate spending the day on our own

Parties are for children. I dislike them and try hard not to attend any. IF my children invited me to a birthday party I would go of course ,..because they e asked me. But they usually know better.I have attended grandchildren’s parties in the past...to take over their pressies and catds and mostly because they would’ve been upset if I hadn’t gone. I always try to pop in on their birthdays’ and this April went to cinema with grandson cos he wanted that instead of jellies and ice cream (he was 11).My six year old granddaughter will have my undivided attention until SHE doesn’t really want me there in her big day. Parties are quite stressful and I really don’t ‘do’ them if I can help it.

We go out for a meal or have a takeaway at ours, with any of ours to be honest it’s to make sure none are alone!
Most likely we pay, that is for an6 of the birthdays ours or theirs.

I think most younger adults would consider that their own birthday is theirs to celebrate as they see fit. My DH is turning 50 this year, and we are choosing to celebrate with his parents (taking a holiday to go and visit them), but that was our choice to make. We get on well with them.

On the other hand, if your children of any age forget YOUR birthday, you can justifiably feel upset. We always send MIL a nice present, and I get DS (5) to make a card and a present himself (her absolute favourite - handmade by grandchild), and he telephones her on the day, as does DH.

From the point of view of the adult child, though, it is equally unforgivable for a mother to forget the child's birthday. One big mistake some grandparents make is to make it look as though the grandkids are more important to them than their own children are. Your own children should come first - grandchildren should be the icing on the cake, a lovely bonus, but they should not take the place of your own son or daughter.

We are off on Friday to a DD as it's her birthday and we have offered to babysit whilst she and her DH have a day out. We have babysat for weekends in the past. We love it.
We have travelled distances and celebrated birthdays with all of them. We have always been invited and included so far.
But we are very generous and have money. That will probably help in the future with GC visiting. I am sure they love us but we are well off and always pay for meals and give generous gifts.

Gosh, I’m impressed with the effort people make. We send cards to each other but mostly everyone is at work on their birthday!

I don't expect to be included. This is their birthday - they can't remember what I went through!!!!- and I'm happy for them to choose how they wish to spend it. They get a card and a present and know I'm thinking of them. That, to me, is what matters.

I live 300 miles from my DC and GC
We always exchange cards and phone calls and send present or vouchers to each other and maybe have a meal out when I visit. There is always a family lunch with DDs in-laws including cousins etc. If I lived near by I would be invited too. It was the same when my parents were alive. I'm sorry this isn't the same for many of the OPs. I now feel so well blessed.

It will be my son’s birthday at the weekend and we would not expect to be included in anything he may have planned, though for his big five oh last year we were invited to his party, as was DD and her family. He lives some distance away from us anyway, so celebratory visits usually entail an overnight stay. DD lives nearer to us, with SiL and GS, so their birthdays are usually an excuse to go out for a meal somewhere, as are ours.

My birthday is in August and so I am always on holiday for my own birthday. We go for a family meal when we return to UK. My two ds's still live at home and we always go out for a family meal to celebrate any occasions such as birthdays, passing driving tests, exam results, promotions, anything really. I usually travel down to my dd on her June birthday, weekend immediately after birthday, and we take her, d sil and dgs all out for a nice meal. Tey to make effort to go to see your other children Franbern as if you are around they may include you more. You could always invite them to a big barbecue when it is your birthday.

Is it me, or are some Gransnetters very needy? Perhaps I should start a new thread. Surely we should all be big hearted and want for our children what they want for themselves. Mind you, I have a big family network and we are all supportive of each other whatever the relationship.

Sulis, I understand exactly your situation. I would suggest that you reconsider your monetary arrangements for your son and look after yourself for a change. Thoughtlessness and selfish behaviours should not be rewarded. Look after yourself. It seems that a few on here think the same.

I wish my mother was still alive to spend time with every day, and especially on birthdays. I miss her especially on those special days

Sadly I’m not part of my children’s lives, they are there if I need them and on the whole are very good to me in many ways. Spending time with me or allowing me there time is off the agenda. I find it very sad but can only accept it.

In a way I think it's a good thing that they celebrate their birthday their own way as it shows they have become independent adults. But you have given so much to your family it nice to be included. When is your birthday Franbern?