Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

I have some old sparkly thongs and bras, shall I hang them around the bar? Some flashing lights would set them off a treat.
Hmmm who’s on the cleaning rota for today, this carpet is sticky and who’s that lying across the bar covered in glitter, is that you Chewy?

Right as that idea has frightened you all off, I'll start with intertwining Christmas lights with a string of hops as we know that is what you have to do first. Yes I know its very early but these are just ideas for now so don't panic.
The hops will give a nice festive/beery smell that is oh so common in the Argy.
Marydolls fishnets intertwined with tinsel next?

Ooh now there's a plan, let's get a huge Xmas tree and add our individual decorations and we can guess who chose which decs. Marydoll should def provide the fairy, who remembers the Birds of a Feather fairy??
I will put my mind to decs but as this site seems to crash after 30 seconds I'd better go

Splurt... cough...choke.. gurgle... sorry that's just me choking on my quadruple gin and advocat at the thought of you being an angel marydoll. Next thing you know, you'll be asking to sit on top of the Argy Christmas tree. ? Mind you that might not be such a bad idea ? Keep you out of mischief ?

Put that Plumber down Marydoll and stop distracting them by walking about in your see through nighties ?
No wonder the kitchen is taking forever!
Is that your cunning plan? Mmmm!

The problem is, I'm not a lady.

Sorry I'm up to my eyes in it with these kitchen renovations.
The guys are taking forever, but I think I may be distracting them. ?.
You all thought I was an angel. ?

By the way, where is Marydoll?
I bet she's whizzed off with the Air Marshall for a few days!
Don't blame her, he's a charmer all right and knows how to treat a lady, only the best of everything when you're with him.

Oh Doodle look what you've done to the Captain now, jabbing him with your spurs. Marydoll will not be happy if you've put him out of action.
I'll just have a quick half of Rum and Black to warm me up before I go back to the Sewage Works.
Oh! Go on! Make it a pint! Nippy out there!

Silly me I didn't mean ladies, I must have been drunk again.

What ladies would that be meno? No ladies here just bronco bustin cowgirls Yahoo! I've got the Captain saddled up and going for a gallop round the bar. I don't think he's too happy though, he keeps bucking every time I jab him with my spurs ?

My site keeps crashing so a full response is not easy but loving the banter ladies

Saloon doors burst open and in struts... Doodle ( I think I might need a new cowboy name) ?
Hi ho Silver, hit em up move em out Rawhide, I've got my spurs on and my lasso in hand. Any eligible men in the bar tonight are all mine. I've got my trusty steed outside ?(made out of an old sock and a broom handle) and I'm ready to ride. Well I would be if it wasn't so cold outside......and so dark.... did I hear you mention a drink buffy ?

That's good!
Do you fancy a swift pint of Bishops Finger with a Creme de Menthe chaser.
Bit naughty I know but we keep out own licensing hours here at the Argy.

? That cheered me up!

Oh! Don't come that old Chestnut ffin!
Vivid imagination, you say, you can't pull the wool over our eyes that easily!
Anyway, I've heard you're now bff and spent the rest of the night downing huge Poteen Cocktails and cackling at the end of the bar.
So all's well that ends well.

You have a vivid imagination Buffy or mistook me for someone else. I don’t do fighting.

Omg! I knew that this would happen!
Day6 came through the saloon doors, like Clint Eastwood, looking mean.
And the music stopped (like it does).
Her snake eyes swiveled to ffin and next news, they're screeching and hissing and rolling around the Argy floor, pulling hair and biting.
It was entertaining for a while, then a couple of punters tried to pull them apart and I chucked the ice-bucket over them.
Big Jim is holding them apart outside.
What a to-do!
I need a large fish bowl of brandy!
To calm the nerves.

Yeee haaa

It’s a showdown folks! Clear the bar!
Day6 and ffin are fixin’ to rumble! ( it could be all the pernod and Guinness chasers) it’s all kickin’ off here, someone is going to explode!

Am off to the cellar, tell me when it’s over.

Have had the saloon doors fitted just for you Day6 but leave the mule outside please!
What will you say when you burst in then?
‘This bar ain’t big enough for both of us’?
‘Of all the bars in all the world etc’?
‘I got two big ones here, and I ain’t afraid to use ‘em’?
‘You gotta ask yourself one thing punk, do you feel lucky?’
??????

Well if we do make a fortune then I think it's all down to me for being the hamster who tried it first (I know it's not a hamster but I can't spell ginny ? ) I suffered for your wealth. My backside has only just started to cool down. Those people at the spa don't know what they're in for. Talk about detox, it will blow their socks off. ??

Argy’s the only place I can glower and rage. Best place for it!
Not likely to be chucked off GN for being obnoxious in here ?.
Saloon doors & attitude ... perfect!

She's a tough customer all right Day6, I'm trying to subdue her with copious amounts of strong spirits. We can't have someone in a rage and glowering all night.
We don't want it "kicking off* if someone takes exception to her surly demeanor. It is an "her" isn't it? Hard to tell really with all that facial hair and face tatoos!
And yes! we are flogging the Green Stuff at extortionate prices to them posh lot at the Spa.
We're going to be rolling in it!

Oh Buffy well done! Can we flog the spinach and ferret droppings cocktail at extortionate prices?

I shall slide a bottle of red eye down the bar to angry ffin sitting glowering at the end. (No, not her end glowering.. Not like a silk worm - more like a tough John Wayne.)

Could someone please fit some cowboy saloon bar doors to the Argy now? I'd quite like to burst in and stand there in the doorway in silhouette, looking mean. Do we sell cheroots? I am going to drape my pink fleece throw round my shoulders to cover my sparkly crop top. If it hides the midriff bulge I could be mistaken for Clint Eastwood. Or Brittany Spears.

Sorry! The smell is from what we call a "back surge" at the Sewage Works!
The boys back there are doing their best to sort it!
It's all down to Doodle and her unfortunate problem with Menos Spinach Punch.
Might join you in a swift pint of Poteen before I go home to get my "glad rags" on for Friday Nite at the Argy.