Just need to ramble....

Just enjoy the time you have.

I am also facing up to the fact that it is now less than a year until I hit 70. Have a fabulous trip planned to celebrate this, but now worry creeps in during the wee small hours that a health issue might strike from the blue and ruin it. I know this is ridiculous but that doesn't stop the worry. And as others have said I become ever more conscious that I wasn't a perfect parent, only adequate, likewise in my working life as a teacher there were things I feel I should have done better.

What do we do about regrets?

Maggiemay69. You brave brave woman , I am so glad you have the courage to leave an abusive situation.please, please get in touch with Dogs Trust, they arrange good foster homes for dogs in these instances until you can find a place to live where they can come back to you. All my love and respect.

I am afraid that right now Tantiths post 0f Mon 09-Apr-18 11:25:45 is me.
Sorry for whinging but I cannot really come up with anything postive. I have been feeling down since before Christmas.
Yes! I have now been to the GP for some pharmacological assitance. I am waiting now for them to really start working. The worst of the side effects are reducing.
To add to this my back is playing up.
So I am having my "ramble" time.

I totally agree with Kwest.
I am 66, and have had a very eventful life in lots of different ways. I have a DH who I love dearly but who can be Victor Meldrew incarnate, and a daughter with whom I have a very tricky relationship. She lost her husband of only a year recently and I got the brunt of her grief and anger.
But slowly things got back to normal and all of us as a family of 4 try to do the 3 main things in Life which doesnt come easily to any of us- Be kind, Be kind, Be kind. Good luck with the rest of your life. Enjoy and make sure everyone around you has the best day they can courtesy of you!

MaggieMay69
I really do admire you for finally taking a stand and leaving an abusive husband.
I’m sure that the stress of all the uncertainty about his behaviour will lift now that you are out of such a toxic
atmosphere, and you will feel free to be the woman you always wanted to be.
You are so brave, but it’s better to do it now then later when age and possible infirmity catches up on you.
Wishing you all best wishes and luck?

Dear MaggieMay, I send you all my very best wishes for the difficult journey you are just beginning, but remember it's to a better more comfortable future for you. I'm sure all of us on GransNet wish you all the very best. Stay strong.

Just passed the big 70 last year, celebrated Golden Wedding as well with the family but I do understand where you are coming from I am the only one in the family not to have had either a profession or a degree, however, I had quite a fun working life whilst they all seem to be forever stressed out. I had the time to care for mum in old age and look after the small grandchildren, we travel more now. You sound as if you are doing the caring bit now and it is exhausting and with regard to mum does make you think about your future I found. If you are managing all that and you and DH are happy I shouldn't worry. The past you can't change.

Live in the moment, it is the only time we really have.
Be kind to yourself and kind to others.
People won't necessarily remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel.
At 70 people are not impressed by other people's academic achievements, just whether they are nice, good, decent people.
Treat family and friends with respect, remember to say thank-you.
What goes around comes around.
This is all simple, obvious stuff but it oils the wheels of society, community, family and friendship. It certainly works for me.
Remember, you are good enough, you don't have to impress anyone. Just be the best version of who you are and always be kind. What you give out you get back.

Many of us worry don't we? At bad moments I look back and wonder why I said that, did this, went there. I can't be the only one who wishes for a magic wand to erase all the bad stuff.
We have to try and accept ourselves and others as they are but it can be difficult. I find that the words of 'Desiderata' can be an inspiration.

I am 61 and have never felt fitter or freer. I have done nothing special with my life. I taught for 34 years, married (39 years this year) and raised two children. However, I came from a poor, working class family who went through a messy years-long divorce and was dragged around to more schools than there are school years so I consider that I have done moderately well for such difficult beginnings.

My clever, funny, loving son lives at home still and is very happy to be here with his father and I and my lovely daughter phones me every day sometimes several times. I feel blessed. I am a bookworm and can indulge myself with a book every two days and I walk, cook and look after my beloved house and pretty garden. It's all very humble stuff but the stuff of dreams really.

Do all be happy...Don't have regrets, although I say this with a myriad of them as I am in my mid 60's, with depression and anxiety, my husband abuses me, so I am leaving him finally, having to leave my beloved dogs behind, to live in a womens refuge (if they will take me in the one nearest my daughter.) I have worked all my life since I left school at 16, became a nurse, had a family, bought a home, and I now face my remaining years with nothing.
I am petrified, but I am trying so so hard to carry on and take each day as it comes. My daughter would take me in but she has a 2 bed home with four children, so no room for me sadly.
Hope I haven't bought this post down, not looking for sympathy honestly, just wanted to say that the life some may view as boring or unfulfilled, can often be an absolute Heaven. I would give anything to feel secure in my own home again.
If you want to though you can wish me luck! I have a feeling I might just need it. x Much love and luck for all.

Firstly, congratulations on your big birthday coming up.
From an outside view- credit for your contribution to education and inspiring lots of children.
Comparing ourselves to others sets us up for disappointment.
I’m so different to my sister who has 2 degrees and now writes as a critic. I’m very proud of her but jealous a little but realise actually I don’t want to do that. I work in a school and local food bank and at the moment quite forfilled. Sometimes I think I should be doing something more exciting or accomplished but at the end of the day- the only opinion is yours. What would you like to do if nothing could stop you? I’d like to travel more.

When friends reunited was a going concern , I looked up a couple of school friends to see what they had done with their lives, well, one had (or said she had)! Was working in New York as a lawyer, the other had travelled the world and now was living in Australia with husband no.2'. I was in my 50's at the time, I hadn't done anything exciting in my life , married an older man at 20, had my first child at 24 followed by 2more 4years later, I remember thinking how boring my life must seem ,and it did unsettle me for a while I will admit, but now I wouldn't swap my life for any of their lives , we celebrate our golden wedding this year with a small party with my wonderful family and gorgeous grandchildren, the grass is never as green as it looks over the garden wall, and I have no regrets, We both have minor health issues but we keep taking the tablets and doing our excercises every morning ,

Sallyann1 Be proud of EVERYTHING you have done; raising children, working, looking after grandchildren etc. I often feel, I have never actually achieved much in my life too. But fact is I HAVE! I have great children and grandchildren - biggest achievement I ever did was being a good mother!

I will never be on the walk of fame, never be remembered for my paintings, poetry, cooking skills etc but it doesn't matter.

I get these random thoughts that I need to do something...but what? I now find I am content and happy walking my dog more than anything else. I am happy that I can still do that as so many of my friends are not able to get out and about so I am thankful for that.

I have had a very erm colourful life with a lot of different challenges (sometimes when I post I think people must think I am just making it up, cos have been through the mill) Now, I feel content and happy with my lot but I still get panic attacks, thinking I need to be doing something else?

No, I don't........and neither do you. Be happy the way you are. Enjoy your life, your way. x

I think I felt much more stress and anxiety when I was younger. I gained in confidence as I grew older. I certainly relaxed more after I retired. What will be will be. There's not much I can do about it!

ginny that “speech” is lovely - very pertinent and very true. Thank you x

The older I've become,seem less able to cope with stress/anxiety etc..get pins&needles hands&feet,neck hurts,tension,tummy ache(a lot cos stress pretty often last few years) when younger I would have shrugged it off,can't now and scared of what effect it will have on me!..oh..am 65

It is the feeling that the best of our lives is past that gets me . There will be happy times but never again will be young , carefree and full of plans for the future .

When I was asked to make a short speech at my DGS Naming day this is what I said. I think most of the sentiments apply whatever age you are.
Surely if we are remembered with love and affection by friends and familythen we have had a life well lived.

Oh thank you Azie09 - you absolutely hit the spot there. I feel absolutely in husband’s shadow - I’ve even thought what people will say at his - and my - funeral, and how less “successful” I will seem (I know - ?? - I’ll be dead; it won’t matter) I feel I’ve worked hard in my job, tried to do my best with children and grandchildren, but haven’t done interesting or exciting things that they can be proud of. I very much value kindness and loyalty in others, so I know that one can be appreciated for such attributes.

I'm in the same boat as you Sallyann, married to a busy, successful man. I feel a bit in his shadow. I have interests of my own but don't necessarily have labelled achievements as such and have spent much of my time loving and laughing with family and others and enjoying alone time. When it bothers me, I tell myself that however successful or prominent or competent a person is, in 5 or 10 or more years, they will likely only be remembered by friends and family and being a loving and kind person is the more important than worldly success.

Good post jayh I agree completely.
The only positive thing to be done at the moment ( growing older I mean) is, if at all possible, moving somewhere that will suit you as you age.A flat, a bungalow etc and in a village with regular buses and anenities and clubs, or a small town.If you leave it too late i.e. ill health, it probably won’t happen.

I am not, naturally, a worrier, although, obviously, some events or potential events in life have caused me sleepless nights but I am very much with Grannybags mother and I will, with permission, remember her summary as summarising my attitude to.

I am nearly 75. Looking back over life, it has had its successes and failures, I have made mistakes, sometimes been ashamed of my actions, but what can worrying about them now do? If there is something I can do to remedy my wrongs I should do it, but otherwise whats the point of endlessly mentally rehashing them. More productive to try and work out why you have started worrying so fruitlessly about what is long gone.

No-one has a perfect life. Every life is a mix of triumph and disasters, large and small. Accept it.

Thanks annsixty, jayh and Grannybags. Good advice - and much of the time I can be rational and think (of the past) “Well I did my best” and (of the future) “I will make the most of this decade / be mindful / be grateful” etc And not anticipate problems, and worry. It’s in the middle of the night that doubts and uncertainties trouble me!