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Are you any good at keeping secrets?

(58 Posts)
Newquay Thu 05-Apr-18 22:55:16

A youngster I know shared something with me recently. She didn't want anyone else to know. I was able to make sure she is safe and all has ended well thank goodness. I find the best thing to do is simply not think about the matter ever again-yes realise I'm not doing this now! It helps I suppose in that my whole working life has been in confidential matters. I have to be very careful if I mention anything (not secret!) to DH cos he just makes inappropriate comments!
How does anyone else deal with this?

sarahellenwhitney Sat 07-Apr-18 10:29:44

Listening to what you are informed is 'secret' will not be secret once you are given this information.I would refuse to listen to any chit chat were I told ' keep it to yourself '.

Coconut Sat 07-Apr-18 09:35:31

I can keep secrets if I have to, confidentiality was paramount in my career. However, I have had to make some extremely difficult decisions at times, both personally and professionally.... and have had to weigh up the ramifications before speaking out.

pollyperkins Sat 07-Apr-18 09:34:28

Hmm - I have to admit I find it very difficult. If Ive been sworn to serecy I do my best not to tell but usually confide in DH. He is better than me at keeping secrets.

Saggi Sat 07-Apr-18 09:19:04

5 years ago I was told an horrendous secret which totally floored me and changed my whole opinion of the meaning of ‘family’ . I longed to tell somebody but knew I couldn’t .... anyway my hubby would not have believed it or me...and would NOT have been able to keep his mouth shut. He is THE biggest ‘foot in mouth’ person I know! Anyway this secret and a couple of serious but less deveststing ones will go with me to the grave. People know they can trust me absolutely...but sometimes I just wish they wouldn’t bother telling me stuff...it’s SUCH a burden sometimes!

janeayressister Sat 07-Apr-18 09:13:01

Well yes and no. There is gossip and there is malicious gossip. Both involve secrets in a way.
Everyone gossips.....yes the introverts amongst us might howl and protest ...but only if they have never gossiped EVER.
Gossiping IMO is a human condition.
Malicious gossiping is another matter altogether. You need to learn at a young age about this one and NOT to do it.

If you ( Person C) listen to a secret from person A, ..such as ' I told B that she looked fab in that dress but actually she looked like a bag of spanners.
Then this gets repeated to 'B' by you, as in person 'A' said.... then this is nasty and malicious and will start World War 3.
If you inadvertently do it, then you are in danger of getting a good slap.
I am not wonderful with secrets but I am very careful with malicious gossiping.

chicken Sat 07-Apr-18 09:02:08

A friend, in great distress, told me something over thirty years ago and asked me to keep it secret. I've never broken my promise and never will.

Marydoll Sat 07-Apr-18 08:40:02

I was in another city, when I saw my friend's son walking by, holding hands with a young man. He looked so happy, but I pretended not to see them, as I wasn't sure if my friend knew her son had a partner. I told no-one I had seen them.
A year later, my friend told me her son had told the family he was gay and had a partner. I then told her I had seen him.
She asked why I hadn't said anything, but I said it wasn't my business and as she had never said anything about her son, I wasn't sure if she knew.

frankie74 Sat 07-Apr-18 08:30:33

My closest friend has told me that she knows she can tell me anything because I'll never remember what she has said grin

Liz46 Sat 07-Apr-18 07:49:14

morethan2, I am the same. My job entailed keeping my mouth shut about people's personal details. I was complaining to my daughter (a qualified counsellor) that, when I am on holiday, someone always tells me her problems - at length and in detail! I remember standing in a swimming pool absolutely freezing but feeling unable to stop the lady who was pouring her heart out. My daughter replied that I am a good listener. At least I am good at something!

morethan2 Sat 07-Apr-18 07:17:42

Yes I’m good at keeping secrets. Like many of you in my former working life it was part of my job. My colleagues used to tell me there was somthing about me that encouraged people to open up. What ever it is I wish I didn’t have it. My family and friends tell me things I really wish I didn’t know. It makes them feel better but carrying other people’s emotions can be a heavy burden.

LynneB59 Fri 06-Apr-18 21:15:35

I've worked in the healthcare profession for 20+ years, and have been told many secrets over the years (some by people who hadn't even told their spouses). If anyone was at risk of harm, abuse, etc., I'd tell someone, but I'm good at keeping secrets otherwise. (I've kept a few of my own - haven't we all?)

varian Fri 06-Apr-18 20:12:38

Many years ago I was told by a friend that she was having an affair with the husband of another friend. The affair did eventually peter out. I told no-one except my OH and we both kept that secret for thirty years.

Fast forward to a time when my friend was divorced and this chap was widowed. They rekindled their old relationship.

Another friend told me, saying did you know she is seeing X? I said "that's surely old history" Then I realised my other friend didn't know about the old history so it all came out. I don't feel guilty about that disclosure. Thirty years is a long time. The relationship didn't last and was never damaged by whet I said.

phoenix Fri 06-Apr-18 18:29:33

I couldn't possibly tell you wink

Bridgeit Fri 06-Apr-18 17:54:29

Yes I can keep a secret, but I do find it a bit of a burden, 1. Because it could be really bad. 2. Once you know it, you can’t unknow it so it can prey on your mind.3. It may be something that could have consequences for others. I believe I am a supportive friend , but sometimes it’s best not to know.

goldengirl Fri 06-Apr-18 12:30:38

When I was a teenager I retold a secret without thinking and understandably was berated for it by the person who discovered my, in effect, disloyalty. Since then I've NEVER told a secret and I NEVER make promises I can't keep - or think I won't be able to keep. I'm known amongst my friends and family for this - which some find frustrating but I learned a lot from being mortified by my teenage carelessness. It was a very hard lesson!

henetha Fri 06-Apr-18 12:18:52

I would never tell a secret, just because I know how much I would hate it if someone betrayed my secrets.

gmelon Fri 06-Apr-18 12:15:28

If OP would care to IM me with a deadly secret then we'll find out.

Grannybags Fri 06-Apr-18 10:54:37

Yes I can keep secrets and get annoyed when I'm told not to say anything and then find out everyone knows anyway! I don't like to gossip much anyway so I don't find it difficult to keep quiet.

ffinnochio Fri 06-Apr-18 10:21:12

Yes.

I wouldn’t even have alluded to a ‘secret’ on an open forum.

Anniebach Fri 06-Apr-18 10:14:23

I have a thing about betrayal , I would never share a secret.

Teetime Fri 06-Apr-18 10:01:42

I feel very honoured if someone entrusts me with a confidence and I wouldn't break it. I value the trust of others. Conversely I probably would only tell a very few people anything confidential to do with me. One of those special people I met through Gransnet.

harrigran Fri 06-Apr-18 09:47:45

Yes I can, I have been doing it for years. I have found that telling some family members is tantamount to renting a billboard.

aggie Fri 06-Apr-18 09:40:29

I am hopeless at keeping my mouth shut sad I can keep a confidence if asked , but my filter is wonky and can let stuff out if I haven't been asked to be quiet . I tell people not to confide in me !

lemongrove Fri 06-Apr-18 09:33:15

Yes, it’s important to keep a confidence.I also think it helps if you are good at forgetting things once told!grin
Sometimes I feel slightly offended though if a friend asks me to keep it confidential ( what? Will I run around blabbing it out to all and sundry?) I would naturally say nothing after all.

merlotgran Fri 06-Apr-18 09:02:28

Am I good at keeping secrets?

My lips are sealed.