Weddings not like they used to be?

Big change from the very proper "kitchen tea" of the early 1970s when you got very excited about an afternoon tea and some tea towels. The "bucks night" tended to be a little more exciting as my now ex-husband ended up in Casuality with various injuries including fractured ribs.

I expect many of you will disagree with me - but what annoys me is that the young these days supposedly can't afford to buy a house, but they are willing to spend thousands on just one day and possibly a far flung holiday.

Most of us didn't have these expensive modern weddings, but we did manage to get on the property ladder.

I think it’s more about the wedding then it is getting married and spending your life together.
Hen do’s, stag weekends away.
Where does the excitement of being married come into it.

Like several other posters on here, my wedding 37 years ago was all about my parents. My mother planned it and the guests were mostly relatives - older ones at that, I don't remember any cousins being asked. The reception was in a hotel and was the usual 3 course meal with cake afterwards. Fast forward to 2011 when our son got married it was all planned by the happy couple & involved a church ceremony followed by a tea party then later, the groom piloted the pair of them in to a local village hall by helicopter for a hog roast & live band. The following year, our daughter had a traditional church wedding followed by a marquee here at home but it was all their friends - DH and I had to beg for a few of our friends to be invited, even though we had made a substantial contribution to the event. All decisions on colour theme, food, drink, band, photographer etc were made by the couple. I hate organising things so I was quite relieved although with hindsight, I would like to've been consulted a bit more! But I felt like that about my own wedding! I do like weddings with sweet counters & photo booths though. The strangest one we attended recently saw the bride change 3 times during the proceedings, each dress more lavish than the last.

I have a friend who commented that getting a wedding invitation was like getting a bill! She was referring to the cost of present, new outfit,travel to the venue, accommodation etc. as the wedding was not local.

We have been to all sorts of lavish weddings over the years, but one of the nicest we ever went to was at a couple's home. We had Karaoke on a big screen in the living room, took drink, had plenty home baking etc in a marquee, then best of all a burger van arrived to do the catering! (That was a gift from their friends who owned it!) What a great day!

Maw - both my sister and my brother (who were divorced within a year o the marriage) said that the moment they realised they had made a big mistake was at the reception! Very sad really.

It's hardly surprising that they can't afford to get on the housing ladder! The considerable deposit had been spent on the wedding!

The hen/stag parties was usually a p. ss up the night before . Not themed and often abroad as they are now. You went to the wedding service, followed by the reception and then the bride and groom left for their honeymoon. The car that took them to the train station, airport or their own car decorated with tin cans and a sign reading Just Married. The guests either went home or to the local pub. That was expensive enough.
No one seems to enclose a wedding gift list with the invitation now. Often an additional note is popped in asking for vouchers, cash towards their honeymoon etc. The wedding is often held in a 'venue' , I haven't been to a church wedding for over 20 years . The wedding seems to go on forever. I went to one that had a cocktail party for the guests first, followed by the service, followed by a champagne toast in a lovely courtyard then the reception . I was pretty plastered by the time we staggered home and worn out we had been on the go since midday .

Generally the bigger the wedding, the shorter the marriage. I do not think that all, or even most, brides have these huge weddings, It is just those that do make a disproportionate amount of noise about them and so do the media and the wedding venues.

In August I am going to the wedding of the daughter of a friend, It is going to be a church wedding, with a reception in the adjoining hall and no more.

When I married for the second time we chose a registry office some two hours away as we didn't want a fuss. Our parents, his mother and my two children. Friends and family could come if they really wanted to, but weren't expected to do the journey. In the end the registrar said she had never had so many people in her room! We all went for a meal afterwards then people went off shopping etc. Everyone enjoyed the day. When my girls married we gave them each a deposit on their houses but said their weddings were up to them. They had lovely low cost days and we were happy that they both were able to buy a house. (we are not well off and the deposits were not enormous but made the houses possible for them) We do not attend weddings anymore, even nieces nephews, we don't enjoy going and people know not to invite us.

It can work the other way too . My first wedding ( forced) was a (phoned on the morning) taxi to the register office , a quick ceremony (6 relations there) a bus back to the local pub where the six of us had a pub meal and then home to my old bedroom at mum and dads house. It lasted about 2 months .

My DS2 got married in a registry office last summer. No rings, no witnesses, no flowers, and even the handful of family that turned up was too much for them. The bride's father paid for a very nice meal in a restaurant in the evening.

They are, however, having a huge party in May for all their friends. They have booked a place out in the wilds for a weekend. People will be paying for their own accommodation and bringing food.

The main thing is that everyone gets together and does what they enjoy. There will be lots of sports activities and, looking at the guests who have put their names down so far, there will definitely be an impromptu choir and lots of music-making round camp fires.

My friend got married a last summer, and it was lovely because it was so casual.
She wore jeans and a t shirt, then we all went to a carvery, where we paid for ourselves.
It took away all the angst about shoes, dresses, and all that stuff.

I too work in the wedding industry and see every type of wedding from the quickie in the Register Office with just their children attending to the huge event at a stately home with all the trimmings and a few and do you know what, they are all happy and all enjoy their day. You cut your cloth according to your pocket, my own son and his wife took a second mortgage out to pay for their wedding and son number two is now planning his big day, he's far more involved than the bride is at the moment!

I have never heard anyone say, well that was a bit disappointing, I wish we had spent more.

The best/worst I ever heard was of a marriage that didn’t make the end of the reception.
A big travellers’ wedding erupted into fisticuffs almost as soon as they got there from the church and deteriorated into a pitched battle between the families!

I have known a couple of marriages that were over before the bride's father had finished paying fot the wedding day.

My DS lives and married in Australia. We travelled (DH DD and family) to join them but there was not one photo of the wedding party or family. Just DS, DIL and bridesmaids and groomsmen. We were so upset and disappointed that we had nothing to show for the day.

My daughter’s second marriage was a delightfully different occasion. They had a midweek register office ceremony with just the most immediate family, followed by a simple meal in the garden of their local pub/ restaurant. All lovely.

Then at the weekend, a party starting mid afternoon for friends and families, in a field, with some outdoor games, and food all brought by family and closest friends, decorated by a friend, brother was DJ for the evening and there was a pizza van towards the end.
Cost a fraction of a posh hotel do, was totally informal and everyone had a contribution to make. I loved it and so did everyone else.
I can’t abide all these new expensive unimportant extras eg chocolate fountain, favours for guests, free cameras on the table......and hen/ stag do abroad costing the Earth. Totally unnecessary.
I guess the cost is the main factor that puts people off getting married. They get together, buy a house and have children and cannot afford the extravagant party which is the wedding, when a simple ceremony will do.

marydoll I couldn’t agree more with your point about seeing all the young people at weddings now. I think it’s wonderful that young couples now don’t feel the need to invite virtual strangers just to appease people (when I married there were people present that I barely knew, but was obliged to invite as they were friends of my parents etc).
I too also questioned the point of having a photobooth at weddings, until I attended a ‘do’ with one last year. A great time was had by all.

It seems there are such great expectations of everyone involved in today's weddings. Guests to spend a lot on gifts, travel long distances etc. Hen and stag parties which last over long weekends. That is before we start on the bride and groom.
One of the nicest weddings I have ever been to was held in a village church, the bride walked to the church from home and the reception was held in her parents garden.

But why should weddings (or anything else) be the same now as perhaps 50 years ago? My wedding was not like my granny’s, my mother’s or my daughter’s.

paddyann that is fascinating. You must have seen many changes. I do think there is a line between making sure that guests and the couple have a wonderful day and going completely over the top. People may remember a lovely meal or a great disco where they were having fun but I can't believe that in years to come they will be saying how wonderful someone's wedding was because of the photo booth or the magician. These things are not cheap and in many cases the money can be far better used for their life afterwards. With the divorce rate at one in two or something like that it seems silly to bankrupt yourself for just one day although obviously couples don't think of it in that way at the time!

We had to wait until I was 21 because my father wouldn't give permission. Then I hurt my back so when I was back at work we just got on with it and arranged it all quickly before the end of the tax year. Everyone was sure I was pregnant, I wasn't.