Future proof your home? Or is it too depressing?

We are both 65 and hale and hearty but we are living in a large 4 bedroom house with a big garden. I dread the thought of moving but probably should be thinking of it now, while we're able. Bungalows are like hens teeth and are snapped up by older people as soon as they come on the market.

People, at any stage in life, are very bad at predicting their situation in 15 years. In addition to that, one of the early effects of many kinds of dementia is loss of insight, which is why so many people refuse to have common-sense modifications done. The message is DO IT NOW! Having looked after late husband for many years, I realise the importance of getting organised. Sort the legal side first: Wills, Lasting Powers of Attorney, Property Trusts. Next, think about where you live and either move or adapt. Finally, get rid of stuff (if you've moved, you will have probably done it already). If you don't do these things when you can, you are lumbering your kids, friends or the Local Authority. You might also find that, come that fall or illness, you are not deemed safe to go home and will be put into a nursing home, not necessarily of your choosing.

Having read many of these posts i completely agreeI just wish my husband could see the sense in doing these things now while we are still fairly able.Developing sciatica has shown me how difficult life could be in the future, i was crawling upstairs on hands and knees and sitting on my bottom to come down, not the safest feeling in the world!!! He has COPD and if he is having a bad day gets so breathless after going upstairshe has to sit to recover. Wehave a big garden which worries me too as last year it was down to me to do everything needed as he just gets so out of breath. How can i get him to change his view and see sense!!!

Can you swap with MIL?

Another consideration is to live within walking distance of shops if you can no longer drive.

travelsafar, can you ask him to help you with planning the future and ask him for solutions to the problems you both have, which are likely to get worse?
Failing that, tell him what you want done then go ahead and organise it.
Have you told him how it makes you feel, to be struggling as you have?

"We have a big garden which worries me too as last year it was down to me to do everything needed as he just gets so out of breath."

Tell him your sciatica is much worse and you now can't do any gardening either - then don't do any.
You could say your doctor has advised against it.

This might sound devious but it's necessary if he is ignoring reality.

Talking of bungalows, my folks moved to one when they were in their mid 60s, retired and still reasonably active. They hadn't particularly wanted a bungalow but it was all they could find in their chosen area.

After 3 years they decided they didn't like the area after all, and moved again, to a house. And they both said how they felt the absence of stairs during those 3 years had affected their general fitness.

I know she was particularly lucky - at least in that respect - but my mother was still well able to manage stairs when she had to move to a care home at 89, because of advancing dementia.

Rizlett, far from choosing to remain in hospital, she is eager to get out! She has only been in 3 weeks after fracturing a part of her anatomy in 3 places, if anything they are sending her out too soon, hopefully she will have plenty of painkillers with her when she is released, if she had a shower downstairs she would still need help to get into it at the moment.
We were told that she would be in hospital until she was able to cope on her own again, but after only 3 weeks she will need carers 4 times a day. We thought that we would have time to persuade her to get the shower done.
As I said before she is in her 90s and this is the first time she has been unable to look after herself . She is fiercely independent and I think that left alone she will be in that stairlift as soon as the carers go through the front door, and straight into that shower.

I guess loss of independence is hard at any age - so it makes perfect sense to really look at how you would adapt to a change in circumstance to make it easier to manage.

Hope your MIL regains her health and independence soon.

11 years ago we moved to another County and bought a 4 year old Bungalow, I was 57 at the time and my husband was a few years older. Friends slightly questioned whether we would like it but we sold our own home and rented a bungalow for 6 months whilst we were house hunting. It was the best idea we ever had, it enabled elderly relatives to visit and following replacement knee surgery a few years later it was wonderful not to have to worry about getting upstairs and I made an excellent recovery.

I think so many of the posts here give good advice - we have had a couple of conversations about what to do - we have an acre garden and a swimming pool which is a bind - never again - last year we did not open it up - it is huge effort to get the cover on or off and each day checking the water etc and we rarely go in it now.
We would both prefer to remain here in France as so many things are better for us and we love the more relaxed pace of life. However we also realise that we have family members who worry greatly about not being able to reach us quickly if we have an emergency arise - we all had a bit of a wake up call a couple of years ago when DH was in intensive care for six days.
Brexit is for us causing a lot more worry and uncertainty about what our future looks like in practical ways and also the possible effect it may have on selling our house.
At the moment we are sitting tight and waiting to see how things pan out - but after reading all these posts I did do a bit of trawling to see what sort of price bungalows and even apartments are back in U.K.!!!

I'm just in the process of getting quotes to have an extension to make the kitchen open plan with a dining area to accommodate my increasing number of grandchildren who visit often and a small bedroom at the side with a shower to make it easier for me to stay in my home when I'm older.

There's already a loo downstairs. I have a huge garden so have the space and my savings have been sitting in an ISA for years only gaining 1% or 1/2% so I might as well spend it. It would cost thousands anyway to downsize to a bungalow where there would be no guarantee that I would be as happy as I am living in my present house/area. It would only be a change of neighbours for the worse which would prompt me to move.

We moved two years ago, and found a house that will be viable later on. The stairs are wide enough for a chair-lift if necessary and we have put in an upstairs toilet and wash-basin.
We have a downstairs room than can be converted into a bedroom later on, by moving the books that live in it just now up to what is now our bedroom.
We are planning on modernising the bathroom so there is both a shower and a bath-tub and the shower will be big enough for a carer to help if that is necessary.
The steps to the outside doors can easily be converted to ramps.
The garden might become a problem later, but we have promised each other that if the house or garden becomes too much, or the public transport is reduced, we will look for something else. This will I hope be easier to do, as we are already not living in the home where we spent most of our adult lives.

GillT - I think the same when I watch Escape to the Country.....are these retirees mad taking on a thatched cottage and moving to the middle of no-where searching for peace and quiet because their home town of Ashford or Croydon is too busy and noisy??? Do they think that by doing this they will be able to by-pass old age? Moving is stressful at any age - but some of these individuals who are featured on this show are just doubling their future stress levels by looking forward towards their "older" retirement years with both eyes firmly shut and the logical side of their brains disengaged!

In a time when longevity and health and fitness into extreme old age is more and more common. I find the enthusiasm of GN members to start making arrangements in their 50s/60s to restrict their living conditions and interests because they might be ill and infirm 20 years further on deeply depressing.

Admittedly I come from a family who live long and fit in mind and body, I have 2 aunts, widowed and in their 90s still living independent lives and easily managing their homes. One has moved house twice in the last 5 years, the last move, only last year was, from Kent to Cornwall, She has recently been joined by her seriously ill daughter, who she is caring for.

Obviously some people enter retirement with health problems or have reason to expect it within a decade so getting your house infirmity fit and adjusting your life is understandable, but not the majority.

I agree MOnica - it does seem to be wishing your life away!

Monica, you may find it depressing, but I find it sensible and practical. . You never know what the future will bring and if you will become infirm. I didn't expect to go into retirement with health problems, I had such great plans.
I believed I was indestructible and thought I would work forever. It was such a shock, as I was totally unprepared.
I went for a routine hospital appointment, planning to go back to work that afternoon. I didn't. My consultant advised me to phone my boss and say I would be off for at least six weeks, at the very least.
After being off for a year, I was told that I would never be fit to work again and that my condition was progressive.
I'm getting my house in order now , before it is too late. I have no wish to go into a home in the future and am doing my dammednest to make sure I don't.
I have a friend, who had a stroke abroad without any warning and is now needing constant care. His whole house is like a building site, whilst it is being adapted for accessible living and he is in among all the building work.

I disagree Monica - once you have "all your ducks in a row" for your retirement living arrangement (maybe not doing this in your 50's but closer to your 70's) then you are free to devote all your energies on the activities and pastimes and that give your pleasure, keep you fit and active and socially connected with new and old friends as well as family. Rather than restricting your life, it open up new possibilities and broaden your horizons. It's all in the mindset.........

Marydoll and pauline42, what you say makes absolute sense to me. DH & I are hoping for decades of fit and active living, and our downsizing is all part of this. I'd rather spend my time having fun, than trying to keep on top of a "difficult" home. Carpe Diem!

Our bathroom now has a shower ,bath was taken out so much easier, we=live in an apartment which we have decorated through except gds who needs to have her room decorated.
H says he won’t decorate anymore now, just a paint and tidy up.

My DH & I lived in a large 4 bed house with large garden. DH retired at 65 & soon after I took Early Retirement at 50. Over the next few years we were finding all the maintainance of the house & garden was becoming more of a problem, DH had bouts of severe depression. We decided to put the house on the market, between putting it on the market to moving took 7 weeks.

We chose to move about half way between my DD & his DD, I had been looking on-line for suitable properties for a while. We chose an approximate area & arranged a few viewings. Found a lovely Park Home, 2 bed, smaller garden, en-suite & bathroom. There were a few steps but we could manage them ok so no problem. Huge clear out, we still took too much stuff

About a year after DH died I put my Home on the market & began property hunting again. After just over a year I got a cash buyer so I arranged removal company & storage for everything I was taking (again far more than I eventually needed). I was fortunate that I could stay with DD for a couple of weeks. 2 days after I moved I viewed a property, fell in love with it & here I am.

I am again in a Park Home, work had been done for previous owner so I have a wet room, raised toilet seat (from OT after a stay of 5 weeks in Hospital with pneumonia) & shower stool.

I have a through lounge/dinning room which has meant I could keep my dinning table which accommodates my DD & her family if they come for lunch. I have a small settee & my tv plus my display cabinets.

My kitchen is small but enough for one. I only have a single bed as I wanted a wardrobe, dressing table & chest of drawers, I could have a 4' bed but M&S didn't do one to match. I had new wrought iron railings installed at both doors as I have steps down to garden, mostly raised beds & concrete paths (en-even but that's a job for another day). I was 59 when I moved here but after 2 moves in just over 3 years I don't intend moving again. only problem would be wheelchair access, steps to front door are fairly shallow as they had already been changed.

I think "future proofing" either in existing home or moving is something we all have to consider as we get older, location is also important, I have a shop/post office within walking distance, doctors surgery has a group of volunteer drivers that you can book for doctors/hospital/dentist etc appointments, good bus service & lots of shops in my home Town.

I see it as ensuring that I can keep my independence as I get older not depressing thought. My DH was reluctant to move but with gentle persuasion he agreed it would be better to downsize.

I do have sympathy with your viewpoint MOnica and you are lucky to belong to a family with good genes, but I think Marydoll is right that none of us know how we will be as we age, and although we may live healthily and with a positive outlook, the unexpected can suddenly jump up and bite us. Which is not depressing but just realistic. It is true that we are living longer but unfortunately not necessarily in good health. I looked this up on an interesting site Ready for Ageing Alliance. Years to be expected in good health, Male (deprived area) 52.2. (More affluent areas) 70.5. Females 52.4 (deprived) 71.4 (affluent areas). Certainly made me think.

Monica - I totally agree with your point if view. I have no intention of doing anything but staying put. I wouldn't have the money or the space to make any alterations to my little house and the stairs keep me slim and a bit fitter than a bungalow would. Maybe I'm burying my head in the sand but I'll just take my chances.

I shall be looking to reduce anything I may struggle with as I age, because I remember the absolute misery of the last few years of my mums life, for her and us.
We were virtually estranged by the time she died, because we were worn out and so was she.

Same here MissA.