I am cross

I totally agree with you. Your friend obviously doesn’t respect books and definitely should not have done that on a borrowed book. Guess you won’t be lending her any more more books to spoil.

I hate bent pages in a book, why people have to do it, is beyond me! Use a bookmark, there are plenty to choose from, or even just a piece of paper. Yes some of my books have seen better days, but none have bent corners or doodles in them, no writing on the pages.

I never borrow books. I'm too irresponsible! Not that I would ever turn over the pages, but I worry about spillages and such.

I think 'mutilating' a book in any way is totally unacceptable, particularly somebody else's book. Don't lend her any more.

I would simply stop lending this friend books, and when she asks if she may borrow one, say no, as you dislike having your books returned with dog ears and creased pages.

I am currently counting the days until Amazon delivers a copy of a book, I lent an acquaintance 20 years ago, which she never returned and denied every having borrowed! As I had bought it in Tel Aviv it has proved very difficult to find again, especially as I could remember neither the name of the author or the exact title, until I was looking through an old university exam paper recently.

That little story stopped me lending books to anyone; they can read my books here in our house, or photocopy the pages they want on my printer. If they want the book, then they can either buy it themselves, or order it at the local library, but simply copying the ISBN number

Mutilating a book, any book, goes against the grain! But I do love it when other people use unusual things as book marks, especially when I get them secondhand from wherever. I've had phone numbers, shopping lists, notes, and letters, just wain=ting for someone to forget that they used a £50 note.

I am a library assistant and we get a lot of the things mentioned in these posts. I always use a book mark and hate to see corners turned down. We do get people that write notes in books especially if it is something they are studying. I have often had to wade through and rub out notes. Some people even write in comments on the story. I have found strange things used as bookmarks, loo roll, lottery tickets, cocktail sticks, prescriptions and even bank notes . Luckily we were able to find the previous borrower and return the money.

Why don't you just say "of course you can borrow it, it's really good, but please don't turn the corners down - it drives me mad"?

I have a very circle of friends. We meet up for coffee, birthday lunches etc. One friend passes on presents that she was given, that she obviously has no use for, to me. Chocolate boxes whose packaging do not look ‘fresh’, if you see what I mean. I got candles for 2 consecutive years. I feel no thought is put in to buying presents. I have dropped hints of scarves, earrings etc. But no change. How can I deal with this situation I am in.
I usually get her a jewellery item.

Well you have to ask yourself ( as I said) what are the chances that you are going to re read a wall of books? It is pretty well, nil, isn't it.
Of course I am not advocating getting rid of all the things that you love. Just be mindful that someone ( unless you do it yourself) is going to be left to clear up after you when you die.
So many old people cling on to every damn thing. It makes the houses difficult to clean, etc.its not fair on their children either.
My inlaws had and still have lots of intricate ornaments that in the end got very dirty, through neglect.
I have two friends in their 70's who have downsized to houses that are still too large for them, with huge gardens. Who exactly is going to look after their gardens, when they can', and clean the large rooms. ( their children)
Because of my experiences, I am moving from a huge house in its own grounds to a small semi detached. I can afford a cleaner and a gardener, but unfortunately as you age you become vulnerable and you can't trust anyone.
My FIL lost his false teeth after his last stay in Hospital and my step MIL lost her wedding ring and watch. My MIL lost her ring and her hearing aids. The name 'carers' is a joke.

I would urge everyone not to cling on to stuff. De clutter and move to small easily maintained places whilst you can.

As I said 'books' are heavy, and China, or anything that you haven't used for the last five years should go.
I have been sorting the photographs out, and making sure they and my files are all neatly labelled. I have around 7 books left that I love and might re read. The others have gone to a charity shop. I now read a book and then give it away or leave it somewhere conspicuous.
I have iPad with Kindle on it and ' libraVox which is wonderful.
You are fretting about a corner turned down on a book....sorry but you need to chill. Life is far to short.

It looks as though I am almost at odds with everyone's opinions on here, but then perhaps they haven't cleaned out as many homes filled with as much stuff as I have.

When I was a child, my Father bought a set of Children's Encyclopaedias. I still remember a section about treating books with respect with comical diagrams. However, one particular piece of advice has stuck with me. If you do not have a bookmark, cut a fairly large triangle from the corner of an old envelope. This when opened up,can be slid over the corner of the page and become the bookmark. I still use this method now and again.
Just for the record, a few years ago, I managed to track down a set of my long lost encyclopaedias in a charity shop,and they came straight home with me to relive some wonderful, albeit very outdated reading. ??.

Leave it a couple of weeks and then say that you were re-reading a favourite book and we're dismayed to find the creased pages. Say that you can't remember who you lent it to, but that you were quite upset. If she doesn't get the message just don't lend her any more books!&

I use envelope corners too. One used envelope can make 4 bookmarks and are always readily available. No excuse for turning down corners.

Sacrilege! There are two types of people in this world - those who use a bookmark, and monsters.

I have had a life-long love affair with books and I develop a tic in my eyelid (okay, not literally, but I do have to bite my lip) when I see that others don't worship the written word as I do. In my defence, I'm all things bookish - apart from being an avid reader, I'm also an author, editor, and proof reader. I stopped lending books out a few years ago (I have, um, quite a few...) because I either didn't get them back, or they came back as others have said - dirty and dog-eared. I love seeing that books have been read, but there's a difference between well-thumbed and not looked after.

If you lend clothes to someone, you'd expect them back having at least been washed - why is the same respect not given when a book is borrowed?

Bookish, run like the wind when she asks to borrow another

Goodness me, janeayressister, have you ever felt that perhaps you should take your own advice and chill? Some people do re-read much-loved books, and indeed the OP has already answered your first post and said that she does.

Like the OP , I feel very annoyed if borrowed books are returned to me in a battered state, with spines broken or with pages turned down etc.. , but even worse for me is when people who don’t return books feel insulted if they are politely reminded! From bitter experience I agree with the poster who said they never lend books they are not prepared to lose.

I agree with all of that except if its my own book I can do what I like with it! I always take care of borrowed or library books.

I once bought a book from a charity shop, and found someone had used a piece of fried bacon as a bookmark. At least I think that's why it was there.

I've got a charity shop book with a huge spider squashed between the pages.

Send a bookmark inside the next book you lend to her. Write on the bookmark ..."use me please". Draw a smiley face after the words showing her you are being friendly. Use a black "sharpie" pen.

I cannot use a library. Too many germs on grubby books. All those unwashed hands touching the pages. People read those books in the toilet at their homes. In their beds too. Yuk.

I am Very Cross.
Slightly different change of subject but still to do with books. In the latest edition of a home magazine, a photogenic but moronic 'editor of a lifestyle website' displays her Lovely Home, where she 'keeps the look neutral' (50 shades of grey) 'by stacking books back to front' on her bookshelves, spines against the back. For some time it has been fashionable to colour co ordinate books, ignoring authors, titles or subjects, but this is even worse.
Books are not lifestyle accessories!

I saw that yesterday as well eazybee. I remarked on it to my daughter who informed me that it’s been fashionable for a while. I’m afraid in this digital world we’re in danger of creating future generations who don’t know what a book is

1974cookie when we moved I found our childhood set of Arthur Mee's in the loft. I had forgotten they were there. My DS took them home for hisDDs. They love reading them as much as I did.

Well, Janeayressister, you do sound bitter and fed up. I don't know why you are commenting here because this is not a discussion about the woes of hoarding, it is a booklover speaking to other booklovers about the etiquette of book lending and borrowing.
I am glad you have found a way to future proof yourself and your home. However I have many books AND STILL RE-READ THEM! This is what some people do. So thank you for your advice, but it seems inappropriate here.