I am cross

I never lend a book I'm not prepared to lose.

Completely agree with all points. Have had a lightbulb moment. Make a lovely card bookmark with the rules printed on it.
Do not fold down page corners.
Do not write in margins or elsewhere in the book.
Do not use the book whilst eating.
Please return the book to the rightful owner.

Pop the bookmark in to the book as you hand it over. That might help especially if libraries do the same.

I stopped lending books after I lent one to a friend and it never returned. I lost touch with the friend and as the book was out of print I was unable to replace it.

Then, out of the blue and thanks to Facebook, the friend contacted me. We met for lunch and much to my surprise and after about thirty years. she returned my much loved book!

Not unreasonable, I never turn corners down whether it is my book or not. I would tell your friend she can borrow if she stops doing it and uses a bookmark. I just refuse to lend favourite books as I have had too many not return to me in the past, happy to lend ones I don;t care about any more.

My parents told me not to turn page corners, or write in books, possibly because all books were potentially shared with everyone else in the family. Mind you I did write my name in biro in an ancient book of common prayer underneath the original owner's beautiful copperplate script. I've matured since then...
If every reader of the book turned the corners down they would fall off. Or is modern paper less brittle?
I remember a friend's father who would not allow spine-cracking of his paperbacks, which made them a little tricky to read.

Lost so many bookmarks in the past so now use a paperclip, never drops out, neat and tidy. Would never turn down a corner in a book.

I used to belong to a book club a few years ago and regularly would buy books, a neighbour of mine would always say "I can,t wait to read that after you". After lending her several books and always having to ask for them back I simply stopped lending her them as she seemed indignant....saying but you,ve read it already! So now I only lend within the family. I belong to our library and am quite shocked by the state of some of the books, folded down corners, people who have decided to proof read the book themselves and written what they think it should be, people who eat a lot while reading and dribbles of food dried on pages. Luckily this is only a small proportion of the books and most of them are kept quite clean, our library has free book marks placed in all areas so there is no excuses to spoil a book by turning the corners down.

Maybe it is my age, but when first having/reading books, in the early 1950's, my siblings & I were taught to respect all books, (they were not as plentiful or available as nowadays).
So, that message has grown up with & stuck with me.
I always have, & still love books, so agree with the OP.

You're not being unreasonable!
I now never lend anything!

I'm afraid I'm an 'up and out with it' type of person and would say something next time. I'd try to be tactful though and say it kindly, something like ' would you mind using a book mark. Some people turn the corners over it but it spoils the book for me.'
I'm notorious for speaking up amongst my friends and they are still my friends.

When my DD worked in a village library she discovered a few unusual bookmarks! A rasher of uncooked bacon and on another occasion an unused condom. They joked about needing rubber gloves to check in returned books!
Yes, anything can be used as a bookmark!!

I agree with you entirely. Next time you loan her a book put a bookmark in the book to give her a hint. I make my own from leftover craft card and laminate it. You could write on it “Ouch!...please don’t bend me at the corners”

I would be cross she is showing you no respect.
I also keep some books I have books in my collection from my nan’s which she kept like new

I always use a bookmark - and these days various Charities send their own whether you want them or not, so no excuse! I use the library a lot these days as have discovered large print and hate to find corners turned down or page numbers ringed. But this week it was a first when I kept finding hair as I turned over the page! At first I thought it was human (ugh) but as there was a lot and very soft I think it was a long haired black and white cat who must have been sitting on the readers lap as she/he read the book!!!

I totally agree with you, bookish. It’s very inconsiderate to fold down corners in someone else’s book. I agree with FarNorth: in your place, if the friend asked again, I would tell her I wasn’t happy about the folded corners and ask her to use a bookmark (or paperclip). I would offer her a bookmark. If she did it again I wouldn’t lend her any more.

Bookish
Certainly not. It is your property and should be respected.
I would now refrain from lending and advise others of the local library and Kindle.

That is just disrespectful but I quite often find that with things when you lend them. I once lent a drill to someone who burned it out and the bit because of the way they used it. They replaced the very cheap bit because it was a new one but refused to replace the drill because it was old, in their eyes. I was not impressed.

I've given up lending books, they are never returned willingly and if I remind it is taken as a trust issue. I keep a stock of bookmarks to hand (recycled Christmas cards!)

Done with lending, one important hardback book that I emphasised I wanted back has disappeared and I can't remember who I lent it to last. The person I thought says she gave it back.

At times I would like to turn a corner down but know I mustn't and there is always something around ro mark the page without damaging it. Never write. I like paper books but mostly read on my kindle where you can add notes or highlight to your hearts ♥️ content but I don't.

Have you asked her not to on your books?

You are quite right to be offended. One can do what one likes to one's own property but not to that lent kindly by others.

I'm a librarian and hate when people fold down the corners or write in the margins. Highlighter pens are a big no-no too. Things found in books? Once when I worked in an American library I found a big wad of chewed-up tobacco someone had used as a bookmark.....

I prefer electronic books anyway. I can annotate and bookmark as I please, and it's only got my germs on it

Well I feel shamefaced to admit that I do turn down corners as I'm forever losing book marks. They drop out and I lose my place or I put it down when reading and it disappears (fou nd one down the edge of the sofa recently.) To me books are meant to be READ and not displayed in a bookcase in a pristine condition. A well loved, often read book should look a bit dogeared in my opinion.

However I am speaking of my own books and I would never do this to a borrowed book. I take great care of books I borrow. I did lend a brand new (unread) book recently to someone in my book club which she returned in a dreadful state. Sorry, she said, I read it in the garden and it rained. . (It looked as if it had been dropped in a muddy puddle). I haven't lent her a book since.

I never write in books except my own text books .

I hate it when people fold the corners on my books. I'm very fussy about who I lend a book to after a few bad borrowers . One person returned a book after my nagging for its return after several months. She had not only folded corners but taken off the dust cover , and had written comments on several pages. In ink no less !!! So I'm very wary about lending books to people , certainly never to an acquaintance. I'm a pain in the arse really as not only do I give you certain rules 're my book but after a month deem you must have finished it by now. Where is it ?

I do like my kindle for all the reasons others have outlined. For the poster who said I should get rid of them all anyway for the sake of my children I am afraid I can;t agree. These books are my treasures and yes I do read them again. I am no hoarder and my house is very uncluttered so I don't think a wall of books is a big thing and it brings me a lot of joy. Are we to rid ourselves of all the things we love because one day we won't be here any more? (I do understand you are writing from the position of having a hard time clearing your FIL's house though)