Taken for granted

I think I'd have offered to pay, but I'd have been surprised to be asked, if that makes sense!

We have always had Christmas dinner here and the family usually just bring wine, which is always gratefully received. This year the DC are insisting on bringing more - the girls are each making a pudding for lunch and DS is bringing the beer, and they are each bringing a buffet item for tea. It'll be very gratefully received, not because of the cost, but from the point of view of saving me time and effort. Perhaps they've noticed I'm getting on a bit.

My DS and DiL invited us over for dinner. We all ordered what we wanted from a take away menu and we were expected to pay our share!

We take the whole family out for Christmas lunch and pay for it, we return to DS and DILs and I provide and prepare the food for an evening buffet. I would not have it any other way, Christmas is a very expensive time for young families.

That’s definitely not on. If you’re invited for dinner, any dinner, then you shouldn’t be paying. Yes, it’s fair enough to suggest you bring some wine, or some other contribution, but that’s all ?

I'm now going to have a nice glass of Rose' before I retire lovely ladies. cheers and Merry Christmas one and all xxx

I don't think it should be interpreted as taking you for granted. Just try and enjoy Christmas and forget it - it is one meal on one day and you have 364 more days next year to get along.

If you were being extremely extravagant & insisting on including certain items then I would say it would be fair to contribute, but if you were buying the usual stuff then I think it is very unreasonable for you to have to contribute. If you can't bring yourself to say anything , then just be forwarned to make things clear next year about what should be paid for by each person . merry Christmas ?

Oops, didn’t think first comment had posted.

No , not true. My family are always happy to make their contribution. Nobody makes a note of who spends what.

We are lucky that most years we all spend Christmas together. Money does not change hands but everyone contributes by bringing part of the spread. I suppose we probably spend more as I enjoy cooking and baking so anything that can be hand made is. I’m pretty sure nobody makes a note of who has spent what.

I think that AC always think that parents will pay for everything ( unless they know that you are hard up.)

Well - it does seem a bit strange. Are they struggling financially at the moment?

Sorry. Better off.

Seems a bit unfair to me. Unless you're rich and DDs struggling that is ??

We are going to DD for Christmas dinner and we have paid for everything. My Husband says that we've always done it and all the time we can still afford to then he wants everyone to have Christmas on us. If I was on my own or if money was tighter then that would be a different matter - if our DD actually had the cheek to ASK for money we would have told her where to go!

We’ve been asked to DD2’s home this year with her in-laws. We’re taking a pudding a a bottle of red. Oh, and the crackers I bought in the sales before I knew we’d be going out. I expect the in-laws will bring something too. They’re quite hard up but would never ask for money, or accept it.

Oh dear. Do you mean your DD is hosting this year and asked you to contribute? If so, seems a bit unreasonable unless she is very hard up. I usually ask my DD what we can bring, which is what she does if they are coming here, and I have in the past paid for the turkey when I knew she didn't have much spare cash.