Feeling sad

Sorry, that should read "meandashy," NOT "melancholy!"

My heart goes out to you, melancholy. But I hope you can support your friend in her decision. She has brought much to your life, now, I hope you can bring more quality time to the end of her life. Just my thoughts.

There comes a time which is the right time for everyone to let go - DS's best friend (23) fought a brain tumour for several years, but eventually just decided when he got shingles he'd had enough. We still miss him dreadfully, but no more pain, no more struggling. Enjoy what time you have left together and make sure that when she does go, you remember her with love and laughter. The friend was Salvation Army and his funeral and memorial were a true celebration of his life with jokes and silly memories throughout the whole day. Bless you and your friend. DH, MIL and myself are all feeling the effects of various health conditions and it's a question of whether any of us will be here this time next year. What I'm hoping is that MIL will go first, because she won't cope with losing her son before her (even though we've tried to prepare her for the possibility and I'm determined to make it through to support DS.

lionpops I've also just finished reading 'Being Mortal'. One thing I felt was that it must take a very great deal of courage not to continue to be treated. meandashy, I hope your friend has a quiet and peaceful end, and is able to fulfil her wishes as her life draws to a close.

She knows her own body and what it can stand as long as she gets the right pain control. Laughing and enjoying her last times can be good pain relief. Brave lady with a good friend. It will be hard for you to watch but be strong.

Very many best and supportive wishes coming to you both. You have started grieving but what a great chance you have to tell your friend how much she has been valued.

You are so kind Meandashy to support your friend. She has every right to refuse more medication and, as others have said, she won’t have made the decision lightly. God bless you and all her friends and I hope you have some lovely memories for after she’s gone.

I'm sure your friend gave the matter a lot of thought and has made the decision that is right for her, and she is fortunate to have supportive friends like you to make their last days, weeks or months more bearable. It can be a lot harder on people that make this decision and have to then battle opposing views from friends and relatives. Love continues even after death - I hope when the time comes her death will be as peaceful and painless as possible. Keep being a good friend, laugh & cry together, and be there when she needs you. and thoughts for you, for your friend, and for your granddaughter

I am sorry to hear that your friend has reached this stage in her life, but it sounds as if she has accepted something which is in a sense probably harder for you and the others who love her to accept.

Thank you for all your kind words. You really are wonderful support.

Nendals I'm very sorry to hear about your mum ? xx

Being able to see someone through to the end of their choice, is such a wonderful priviledge. You would far rather that for her than anything else, celebrate your friendship and the opportunity you have been given.

i think a lot of people see it as a quality of life because the treatment isn’t working. It very hard for family and friends to accept this but we have to respect their wishes. It’s sad I know.
You can be a great comfort and support to your friend.

Sad for you as you will be losing a valued friend .....but at least you will have some time to enjoy your friendship a bit longer ...and happy for your friend that she has had the courage to make that decision. It does take courage ...and she will value your friendship as she goes towards her goal. It is lovely to have time to share her wishes about her life and perhaps her passing too ....she has time to arrange everything as she would like it ...so much better when you can do this than have no warning and no time to say goodbye and prepare friends and family ......you sound like a wonderful friend and she is lucky to have you...don't be sad, try to laugh each day, and enjoy the time together you have left ! I love the song Seasons in the Sun ....if I were having a funeral I would chose that ! bon courage

I’m so sad for you, losing someone you love is desperately sad, however your friend has made her own decision based on what she is going through and what she can expect to happen in the next few months. A very difficult time for all concerned. In the future you will be able to reflect on what is happening right now and bless your friend for the wonderful times she shared with you and the meaningful lessons you have learnt just by knowing her. Take care of yourself.

Very sad. I read the book
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande,it is by an American but I couldn’t put it down. He is a medical professional and it outlines his fathers progress through the medical system.
Having read it I would do just what your friend has done.
I think I won this book so my normal read is Crime Fiction!

My SisterIL is almost at the hospice stage.
They are amazing, it’s a Douglas McMillan hospice and they seem to think of everything to make the situation easier for everyone.
They have even promised to pull out any stray hairs on her chin if necessary! I’ve sent her a good pair of tweezers for Christmas! Not insensitive, we’ve had a good giggle over it.

A very close friend took a similar decision and she was relatively young. It was very upsetting, but her choice and I had to respect that.

I think this is the most difficult decision that many of us may ever have to make. Life is precious but only those who have a terminal condition can know what it's like to feel that it's time to go.
Treasure your good memories, I'm sure there are many. Try to see it as a privilege to be able to do this instead of dragging on for years.

What a brave lady your lovely friend sounds. I hope I would have her courage in the same circumstances. All you can do is make the most of your time together. My special best wishes to both of you.

She sounds a wonderful, brave lady.

Her soul will fly free xx

I totally agree with what you say about having some precious times to share. A few years ago I read a book called The Luxury of Time by Jane and Mike Tomlinson. Jane was told by her oncologist on her cancer diagnosis exactly what you said. The point he was making that with knowing you have a limited time left, you can use that time to be around your favourite people sharing those precious moments where someone who dies suddenly cannot,

This must be so hard for you meandashy. As I support the right to die, it's not easy to hear from someone about to lose someone they care very much for this way. I'm glad your friend has you because she won't have taken the decision lightly and it will be harder for her without the support of those around her.

I lost one of my best friends in similar circumstances when she was only 40. Her brain tumour had returned for the 4th time and she decided not to go through surgery again and chose palliative treatment. Seeing her was very difficult, but we laughed a lot - some of it was black humour.

I would like to mention something else about my friend. Near the end unexpectedly she became very poorly quite quickly and decided to go into a hospice. She only wanted her close family to see her there. So make the most of the time you spend with your friend just in case this happens to you. I'm glad she has your friendship and you're in my thoughts.

Nendels I am sorry to hear about your Mum. Even when you know it's the right thing it's still hard.

I am so glad you can support your friend. Quality of life at the end of life is so very important. I do hope you will be able to create some marvelous memories together. and although you will miss her terribly when she dies I hope you will feel proud that you had the courage and compassion to support her to enjoy her remaining days.

I hope you will be able to draw comfort from all the lovely memories you will have. A difficult time for you, but I am so glad that you are there for your friend. .
Nendels, a sad time for you, too.

My Mother has just died. Her funeral was on 14 December. She refused to go to hospital and she refused further treatment. She did not have quality of life and she wanted to die and be reunited with my Father. It was hard to stand and watch, but it was her decision and what she wanted.
I now have to focus on wonderful memories.