Meltdown in the supermarket!

A dear brother died through a road traffic accident 43 years ago yesterday. I still weep when I think of the shock and loss on that day. My siblings and I still miss him so much. As someone has said, it never leaves you, you just learn to live with memories. The Salvation Army playing carols in the market place sets me off every time.

We carry on, don't we?

All I want for Christmas is you is bad for me, I lost my husband end of September 9 years ago and still walk out of shops when it's playing ?

I know exactly how you feel, Sunseeker and judging by the many posts here you most definitely aren't alone. I lost my DH seven years ago last Wednesday to motor neurone disease and towards the end he confided that he'd had enough. The build up to Christmas brings me mixed feelings - great sadness that a lovely man had to get this ghastly illness but a sense of relief that he's no longer suffering.
This sounds ridiculous I know but sometimes I play his favourite music just to have a good wallow, simply because I feel like it. Time heals so they say but you learn to cope.

Yes I have. I remember 4 years after mom died being in a card shop in our village, with Mothering Sunday coming up and breaking down. It wasn't even over the cards. It was over a doorstop wording which said "home is where mom is" and there I was in the middle or the shop in floods of tears.

Back in 2010 I had a set of personal circumstances finalised after 9 long years. I am not going into detail as it is a very personal family matter.

After the court case was over and we left for home, to go for the train I dropped to the floor sobbing"It's over, it's over"

Apparently peopke were looking as my husband comforted me. I couldn't have cared less. I also sobbed all the way home on the train.

Those are the 2 main times. There's been others. Neither embarrass me. If we weren't meant to cry we wouldn't have tear ducts. They are a release.

We don't feel embarrassed if sone physically hurts and in pain has tears and wails. Should be no different from emotional tears.

Bless you-

sunseeker, miss Adventure, and all those who grieve. Why should we feel such embarrassment when we weep, especially if in public. But we do. But its ok!! Anyone with any feeling who witnesses this would only feel sympathy and compassion.

Yes but I didn’t call it a meltdown I called it grief. It is hard enough at the best of times but when the world appears to be going crazy and the shops are full of frantic people, the loss is exacerbated. You are OK, you are missing someone you loved. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for the kind words sunseeker. Everyone tells me the same but I still feel bad about being the misery around everyone.

My oldest friend has just taken me to our local garden centre for coffee and a bit of a shop. I hadn't been there long and I had had enough. just wanted to come home but kept going because she is so kind. In retrospect I'm sure she would have been fine if I'd said I'd had enough and wanted to come home.

I broke down one day at the checkout in Waitrose and the assistant had been through something similar and was veyr understanding. I have realised from reading so many post on GN that I am far from alone.

On my sons 18th birthday we were walking in London and a Limo pulled up beside us and out jumped all his best friends and then they whisked him away. I was left with my husband and youngest son. Even though I knew this was going to happen I still had a good cry because they all looked so beautiful.

Christmas makes me think of people no longer with us. My sister died when I was 9, over 50 years ago, but I always feel sad at Christmas thinking about her. It would have been so nice having a sister, and nieces and nephews I've never had

Sunseeker, you dont need to "pull yourself together" you need a cry every now and then, and people around you understand. Sending huge hugs xx

I understand completely. I lost my mum, albeit many years ago, at the age of 53 in December. It always seems to hit harder this time of year. As it happens I went to see an old friend today (87yrs) who has suffered the effects of diabetes diagnosed late - failing eyesight and amputated toes. I was taken aback when she said today “I’m ready to fall off my twig”. She feels that enough is enough, as does your dear friend. Enjoy your memories! ?

* I must apologise profusely for my error in getting posts mixed up.
Am new to this and not quite on the ball yet! ?

Bereavement is hard at any time of the year but Christmas and birthdays are the most difficult.
Your not alone. My son loved Christmas ? and that’s when I have to try and keep it together it’s so hard.

Psssst! Its ok, it doesn't notice. Much. hello!

Sunseeker I do understand where you are coming from.
This morning when I walked passed (Betty's) in York I felt the tears welling up.
It would have been my daughters birthday tomorrow-and each year we used to treat ourselves to a coffee and a posh cake at 11.00am. As well as celebrating her birthday it was our treat before the madness of Christmas.
This will be my second year without her, as she died at age 40 from Breast Cancer.
It amazes me just how many of us have such sad memories at Christmas time. It makes me realize that I'm not the only one who finds this season difficult.

I think your DH wanted you to know he is still there for you.

I know how sad this time can be, remembering many happy, times. My Mum and Dad always tried their best to make Christmas special as my Dad had been in an orphanage. I have no close family now. My beloved brother died in 2010 and I miss him constantly. He made Christmas special for me as he was extremely generous and always picked something that was right for you.

I will be going to my friends on Christmas Eve to Boxing Day but she is older than me and I do think what will happen when one of us goes as she has no close family either.

I am seriously thinking about getting a property in a retirement complex.

Love and hugs to all those who grieve at this time of year especially.

Does anyone know how to become a surrogate grandmother? I’m a granny to one but I want to have more kids around me. I have so much love to give. Silly I know

It’s a very emotional time of year. I do miss my dear parents and no holiday is complete without my beloved grandparents turning into our drive in their car. The more you love the more you lose

DH is suffering a(nother) bout of depression and I am trying to vet his Christmas music and films and to make life as stress free as possible. But it’s me who is bursting into tears ... Don’t be embarassed, any of you, it’s just harder at Christmas than at any other time. So many of you are coping with so much I sometimes feel ashamed of myself.

As you see sunseeker, so many of us can relate to how you're feeling. I think it just gets easier to blink away the tears, but we would never wish to forget the times which cause the tears to flow at times. They were magical moments and will always tug at the heartstrings.

I have just returned to this thread and am amazed at the number of people who have experienced the same - my heart goes out to all of you.

I wonder why we feel we have to be strong and not let people know how we are feeling? Others always think that I am strong and am coping so well - I don't tell them about the times I go to bed and cry myself to sleep because I miss DH so much.

Hugs and to everyone

So many hugs coming your way. So sorry you had to hide and fight your emotions like that. Had a meltdown in Mothercare. First time shopping after giving birth to stillborn twins. I had to change something that had been bought for my daughter. I saw twin boys looking very grubby propped up on dirty pillows holding onto bottles of milk. They were probably not as neglected as I thought but the world just caved in and I had to run out.

I lost my husband nearly 11 years ago, and still my emotions can take me by surprise.

I have asked for bereavement counselling, but, apparently there is a big waiting list. There is a real need for this service and I'm having to cope until I can get on the list at all.