Meltdown in the supermarket!

sunseeker, miss Adventure, and all those who grieve. Why should we feel such embarrassment when we weep, especially if in public. But we do. But its ok!! Anyone with any feeling who witnesses this would only feel sympathy and compassion.

Yes I have. I remember 4 years after mom died being in a card shop in our village, with Mothering Sunday coming up and breaking down. It wasn't even over the cards. It was over a doorstop wording which said "home is where mom is" and there I was in the middle or the shop in floods of tears.

Back in 2010 I had a set of personal circumstances finalised after 9 long years. I am not going into detail as it is a very personal family matter.

After the court case was over and we left for home, to go for the train I dropped to the floor sobbing"It's over, it's over"

Apparently peopke were looking as my husband comforted me. I couldn't have cared less. I also sobbed all the way home on the train.

Those are the 2 main times. There's been others. Neither embarrass me. If we weren't meant to cry we wouldn't have tear ducts. They are a release.

We don't feel embarrassed if sone physically hurts and in pain has tears and wails. Should be no different from emotional tears.

Bless you-

I know exactly how you feel, Sunseeker and judging by the many posts here you most definitely aren't alone. I lost my DH seven years ago last Wednesday to motor neurone disease and towards the end he confided that he'd had enough. The build up to Christmas brings me mixed feelings - great sadness that a lovely man had to get this ghastly illness but a sense of relief that he's no longer suffering.
This sounds ridiculous I know but sometimes I play his favourite music just to have a good wallow, simply because I feel like it. Time heals so they say but you learn to cope.

All I want for Christmas is you is bad for me, I lost my husband end of September 9 years ago and still walk out of shops when it's playing ?

A dear brother died through a road traffic accident 43 years ago yesterday. I still weep when I think of the shock and loss on that day. My siblings and I still miss him so much. As someone has said, it never leaves you, you just learn to live with memories. The Salvation Army playing carols in the market place sets me off every time.

We carry on, don't we?

Oh God! I came here this morning to have a bit of a laugh. Im now crying my heart out..can barely see to type. My son rang earlier and he started to talk about last year's Christmas. Our last one with DH. I never know when or where I'm going to start these heart wrenching sobs! On the street, on the bus, in the middle of o shop..Music is something that triggers it a lot. As you can see dear Sunseeker, you are not alone. My heart goes out to you and sending a big hug.

I completely understand and sympathise. This has happened to me a couple of times. Notably only a couple of years ago. The song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" always does it for me, and when they played it at a Christmas concert I broke down completely and simply could not stop crying, loud and long. My ex-husband was dying of cancer at the time.
The concert was in Exeter Cathedral.

It happened to me years ago. My mum had died suddenly aged 67. A few days later I took my daughter to school and had a panic attack. Someone walked me home but I was hardly aware of who it was. It was a horrible experience.

I do hope you have better news to give your friend, next time you meet up.

dear sunseeker,I can understand how you feel.My husband is in a care home on end of life care,so I still have him,though in a way I lost him 5 years ago.I too have been in tears in a shop,or had to get out.I found myself in tears in the card shop,as I was trying to find him a Christmas card that wasn't too much about happy couples,the verse on the one I chose made me cry.It's a difficult time of year for a lot of us,hugs to all who feel sad

Yes, I have. Many years ago I was standing at a bus stop when a mum and child came by from behind. Mum was pushing her bike and her small daughter (about 4/5) was standing on one pedal nearest mum. The child was wearing short white socks with a pretty summer dress and it reminded me of my youngest daughter (who had left home to work in Wales) being a child.
I couldn't get on the bus and walked home in floods of tears. I have 5 children, 3 girls and 2 boys and I LOVED being at home with them and would do it all again in a heartbeat. I miss them terribly even now, although of course, I do see them. We had such fun and they were so good. Innocent wonderful times. (Ex worked for oil company so we were frequently on our own for weeks at a time)
My biggest regret is the fact that they had to grow up. Daft...I know.

I had a meltdown this weekend. We were happily listening to Christmas songs and my husband mention someone who looked like my mum and I was off. My mum died new year's day 2016 and was dying over the Christmas period. My father also died in December when I was a little girl and I remember having to go out and sing Christmas carols that night and being totalled bewildered by it all!
It's strange how we are happily going along and then something triggers us to have meltdowns.

Grannysmith I am so pleased you know where your daughter is and that you have a new grandchild.
My eldest daughter walked out after a family argument seven years ago and I do not know where she decided to go.Although I email her on her birthday which is at Christmas I never get a response which hurts me so much but never get a message ' undelivered' response. I live in hope.

Though it doesn't help you with your concern, I do so envy people who have actually made it through life in a good partnership. You should be so proud of that and also feel so lucky. There are many good and easygoing people, and I include myself as one of them, who just never found a partner who truly appreciated them. When I was first married, I used to walk down the supermarket shopping aisles and see women accompanied by their partners, while I was accompanied by my three children and no husband. I often used to wonder, 'what have they got that I haven't?' Sad but I got through it. Look upon your relationship with the greatest of pride and enjoy your future.

I now rely more and more on online shopping and not just at Christmas. I feel so isolated in stores when I observe families shopping together It is not their fault I have these feelings of resentment but it is not healthy.

I broke down in Tesco when my husband was waiting for open-heart surgery four years ago; just suddenly burst into sobs, couldn't stop - the checkout lady was so kind, mopped me up and made me smile. Even now if she spots me she always asks how he is (full recovery, absolutely fine).

Rosina, your mention of your Dad and the scent of cigars brought my own dear Dad back very vividly. My parents were really hard-up but every Christmas Mum bought Dad a nice cigar - it's the smell of Christmas for me, and if I catch a whiff there's always a little tear too.

'Stardust' was my late husband's favourite song and. sadly, it's played all the year round, not just at Christmas. The pianist at a hotel we visted for lunch always played it when we walked in and he told me that every time he plays it now, he will think of him. That made me burst into tears there and then!

sunseeker Yes I have had many a melt down in public.

My best friend had multiple health problems and she came to me one day and said I'm ready to go I have had enough.2 months later she passed.Such a wonderful woman and still miss her but my DH helped me cope bless him. Unfortunately the powers that be decided to take him suddenly in January this year.So both my 'go to' had gone. Shopping I went to pick up liquorice which he loved stupid me next thing rushing out the shop and my friend loved beef jerky (ugh)which I used to buy her.So usually I smile at the memory so what was that panic attack about felt a fool as though everyone was watchi g.

I always find Xmas songs very nostalgic, for different reasons than you. It’s that age old ideal scenario of all our loved ones all together and “simply having a wonderful Christmas time”. I also have had to disguise the odd rogue tear in public, so you are not alone ?

Oh Sunseeker it is those little things that take us back isn’t it?
Don’t be ashamed of your grief, I’m sure most people can relate to it. Just reading your post made me teary, It’s 20 years since I lost my Dad but still, all of a sudden I find myself crying. I hope you have a family to share your Christmas with - it’s a difficult time of year when all kinds of loss are thrown into sharp relief. Hugs to you xxx

How sad for you. Emotions get triggered sometimes when we least expect them, but there is nothing wrong with tears. I 'saw' my darling Dad in a supermarket some months after he had died. I looked up and he walked across the end of the aisle. I rushed to see but he was gone - or the person who closely resembled him had gone. My tears flowed then, and they still do thirty two years later with music that reminds me of him, and the scent of cigars.... we are all so vulnerable because of love, so take heart - you are not alone.

Oh Sunseeker you poor lady, that is so sad, and reading your post brought tears to my eyes as that song affects me in the same way. I have been separated from my husband for nearly 9 years and have no idea of his whereabouts, but there is hardly a day goes by without me thinking of him and wondering if he is alright. Separation is another kind of loss but there is no closure. I hope you manage to have a happy Christmas with him in your thoughts

Dear Sunseeker, I am so sorry. Christmas is a difficult time for many of us, and it has to be remembered that not everyone is having M&S Christmas – far from it, but you can’t get away from it. Many are struggling to afford it, but don’t want to let the kids down. Many have to put up with relatives they can’t stand. There never seems to be enough time during the frantic preparations beforehand to enjoy seasonal social events – it’s a big run up to nothing. Then of course there are those who have lost someone, or are apart from those they love at Christmas.

I’ve now been estranged from my daughter and grandson for 5 years – long story. I’ve tried everything (don’t get me started on Grandparents Plus), but the first Christmas, in 2013was the worst. I was working in a charity shop, and having to put up with the Chinese water torture of the Christmas songs – I think the one that finally triggered me was, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day”. I had a meltdown saying, “I hate bloody Christmas”, and walked out never to come back, which was dead embarrassing. So you’re not alone.

Not the same but similar - I have just ordered a bouquet for my daughter & her husband - nothing unusual in that you may say. BUT we are estranged & I just discovered that she had a baby girl at the weekend & I did not even know she was pregnant (it is her 3rd child). I could not speak to the florist through my tears & had to put the phone down. The world is full of sadness...