I think I am going to embarrass my best friend

Dear EmilyHarburn,
I have always had a great deal of time for the SA and was there last week, with a bumper bundle of warm sweaters and coats for all ages, something I do every year! They dread me coming because my wheelchair is a really tight fit through their door

Miep1, does your carer who is your friend have family? She lives with you is she alone in the world? I do understand how much you enjoy buying little gifts for her and perhaps it would be a good idea as someone said to make them into 12 small monthly parcels. But then how many gifts can she cope with if they are not all edible or plants or flowers?

It great that you wrapped them, however the salvation army are looking for unwrapped gifts. do you think that if you love buying things for your carer next year you could decide which ones are for her and the extras take to the Salvation Army?

I hope you find a happy solution to this problem.

Cherry tree, I don’t think Miepl meant “you” as in you personally, I think she was talking about comments received from others in a previous post (hope that makes sense). Your comment on this post was lovely and I completely agree with you.

I have just looked at your cats thread Miep1 as I missed it when it was posted and didn't comment.

I am truly sorry about the cats, having had a beloved young cat belonging to DGD run over by someone who just left him in the middle of the road, not even stopping to ask people at the bus stop if they knew who he belonged to.

miepl I have looked back over your cats that were ran over thread.
I could not have caused you any upset as I did not post a comment on your thread.

There was no trolling from me going on Miep1 but to ask for advice about giving a black bin bag of presents to a best friend who you said “would cry all Christmas morning” because she would only give you a book did sound like a wind up.
Maybe it’s the way you word things why they sound a bit unreal
Anyway the main thing is you have found that the best way is to divide and give less, so your problem is solved and I sincerely hope that makes her happy and not sad And you both have a great Christmas ...now in your words I ll FO ?

Yes, and it's always me!

Cherrytree50, thanks. By 'stockings' I actually mean bags and will separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. I asked at the beginning to get useful answers, not spite, ridicule and nastiness. I should have known better! I clearly recall being really upset by your comments re: my beautiful cats that were run over - I was called all sorts of names, troll being the most polite I will hand some gifts over at Christmas and the others at different times. I suppose I was just amazed at how many things I had amassed

meipl I remember your sad post about your little cats

I think that you feel really grateful for the care shown on a daily basis by your lovely friend and you have almost on a daily basis bought her small thank you treats.

Now you have come to wrap them you have been surprised by the amount
I agree with (I think it was jane10) who suggested a monthly treat for your friend from your little stash would be a nice gesture.
Although anything with a sell by date would be better given at Xmas.

Happy Christmas to you both

I think you know what to do. Buying lots of things (even with love) and making someone cry doesn’t seem to fit so don’t do so so much of the first and avoid the second. A few small gifts would be fine.
To make your friend feel good, don’t be so impossible to buy for. Spend a little time thinking what you would like -Chocolate, special biscuits, new socks, books of a genre or by an author you like, though even they aren’t inexpensive now. Then she can feel special choosing something she knows you will like without it having been too prescriptive.

If we could edit our posts, even for just 10 minutes after posting, a lot of clumsy replies and after-posts could be avoided. Why doesn't this forum software get a bit of attention? While I'm at it, it would also be nice to get taken to the first new post rather than page 1.

I should read every post before responding and post all in one go.

NY Resolution.

Depends on the size and significance of the ‘after thought’?

Mind you, I am guilty of posting after-thoughts, hence I often post three times in a row.

Spot on Jal ???. It also means that well meaning posters spend time and thought suggesting solutions which turn out to be inappropriate once the full facts ( or more facts) are known.

maryeliza I haven't heard of that but I can see what you mean - is it posting an outrageous OP, waiting for all the reactions, getting upset at the reactions then explaining the situation in full which may put a different light on things?

MawBroon sensible post

Miepl I am sure you mean well, but if it will upset your friend then it's best not to do it. Spread it out as you have now said you will, or buy one decent present next year which you know she needs and will appreciate.

MIEPL....If you have already decided to fill "stockings" and not a "sackful"
and give the filled stockings at different times then why ask for advice in ťhe first place ?

Can you not see why others think
"it's a wind up ?"

Hope you have a Happy Christmas

Thank you craftynan. Thank heaven someone else does the same thing I did! Are you all going to jump on her too? If so, craftynan, I am sorry. You don't deserve the same treatment as me.
And I have already mentioned that I am dividing the presents into three piles, to be handed over at other times (though I already do this!)

I still can’t see why you need to give her a sackload of presents knowing you are going to upset her. Who does that!
Save a few for her birthday, one for new year, a few more for surprise gifts or celebrations during the year.

I’m a bit puzzled as to why people think this is a wind up. I pick things up during the year and often have a shock when I realise just how much I’ve got - sometimes I even duplicate things. One of my DD does exactly the same. OP has said she has decided to fill stockings and space them out, a good idea although as others have said I might be inclined to keep some back for a birthday gift.

Basically if OP had been more upfront before asking for an opinion, it might have been more fruitful.
OP’s (over) reaction leaves me frankly
I still think making people cry is a dubious form of affection.

On MN this is called drip feeding and is much criticised with good reason

Dear God, aren't you all so perfect! Every time I come on this site, I'm vilified by the majority. My posts are not 'a wind up' and I still have 2 dead cats - but the Carer who ran them over was sacked...not only me, but several others in this area complained at quite some length about her diabolical driving (unknown to me at the time; mine was just the complaint that broke the camel"s back). I read things on here of people being nice and helpful towards others, while others take the completely opposite view. I'm used to that in real life too. But I cannot see why every time I post, I'm called names and made out to be some kind of hoaxer! Incidentally, the presents I bought for my best friend, who also acts as my carer, are particularly personal to HER - I don't think anybody else would understand where they were coming from! The majority also cost well under a pound and are more like stocking fillers. Think 50p Milky bar, not a laptop. I'd love to give her everything under the sun, as she does so much for me, but can't afford it as I pay all the bills from my benefits. Yes, I get benefits! Another story to jump on, as you all did on another post earlier. Before you start again, most of my disabilities are visible and NOT imagined. FYI -km going to buy three stocking and fill them accordingly, then hand them over when I think the time is right. I've already paid for a table at 'Crisis at Christmas', which will hopefully benefit more people in the long run than gifts they wouldn't understand. Now you can all FO and mutter righteously among yourselves. I don't give a sh+t any longer; I know there are some genuine ones among you, but they are few and far between!

My best friend many years ago insisted on a £7 limit for birthday and christmas presents (she has similar financial circumstances to my own) and she enjoys hunting around for little things to make up a bag of gifts. Basically she loves shopping. I hate it and would much rather just spend more and get her one decent thing she can actually use - buy it online and pay for delivery. I sometimes wonder if I should just say to her, ok £7 is YOUR limit but I am gonna spend what I like on you (Actually don't tell her but I usually do spend a bit more and lie about the price - pretending I got it cheaper than I did)