Alone at Christmas.

Vanatic,It might be quite positive that you will have some peace.Maybe look at some old photo's and relive the times gone by.My 36 alcoholic son will come for a few days.My sister,her 12 and 28yo sons will come for Christmas dinner.My husband hates my son and pretty much everything else and makes negative comments about everything.He switches lights off,the drier,the heating.He cannot bear to spend any money.We used to have great christmases when I bought and organised everything.Waves of fear flow over me all the time,anticipating the atmosphere.We are 69 and it is such a waste of our lives.

It’s interesting how most people have assumed from the post that Vanatic doesn’t want to be on her own... BUt maybe she does! We have so much drummed into us by the media about how Christmas Day should be...and we all follow like sheep. I would do whatever you would like, given that your family aren’t around for that day-it’s just one day-if you’re religious no doubt church will be a big part but otherwise, it’ll pass like any other.

I don’t post often on GN, tend to lurk more often than not but this thread resonates with me. Not alone as DS will be with me but very difficult for both of us as DH passed away on the 13th and the funeral will not be until the 27th. Christmas was always a big thing for DH who loved every tradition we had built up over our 40 years together. First night alone last night was so strange and I ended up going to bed at 8 pm as I couldn’t stand the silence downstairs.

The best way through is to accept it is a different Christmas to previous ones, spend the day doing what you want, if you want to stay in bed and cry do so. If you want to be with people find a charity who needs help, the day will pass .

I don't mean this harshly and so understand how you feel, and there is GN ?

Last year was the first Christmas I had ever spent on my own. Wasn't really looking forward to it but two of my friends who also live on their own and myself decided we would have Xmas dinner at a local inn. So pleased we did, The Harbour Inn at Axmouth did us proud and we are going again this year.
I admit opening presents on your own isn't so nice. Sometimes we have to make our own enjoyment.

Have you ever thought of offering your services to a charity who serve meals to the homeless.? They are always in need of help and none more so than at xmas.

The worst year I recall was the first year with my ex - we decided to be alone together, had a small duck and saw no-one. After that we always went to my parents'. Now we spend it at home and my MIL comes over every day for Xmas week - we pay for 1-way taxi, she pays the other. Suits us all!

A friend of mine volunteers in a church, on Xmas day, and thoroughly enjoys it.
Of course they would welcome you if you would prefer to be waited on.
You can google in to all the local churches and see what is on offer.
They are very kind, and even offer lifts,if you don't have a car.

Btw, Vanatic, I'd like to pinch your name! I'm a camper van fanatic!

I've spent a few Christmases alone. A couple of years ago I was fine until I sat down to the Christmas dinner I'd prepared for myself - I just burst into tears! Next time I'm on my own for Christmas it'll be a ribeye steak and chips! Try not to get too hung up about it. As someone said, the day passes quickly just like any other day.

I don’t think saying poor you is that helpful just underlines sadness The day is what you make of it if I was totally alone I d volunteer to help at Sally Army or similar My friend travelled to be part of her family last year She didn’t bond with the sons in laws who were all very loud and drinking heavily she had a long tiring journey and felt she didn’t fit in at all things were done differently and at different times everyone stayed up late quite noisy and intoxicated when she wanted to be tucked up This year she chose to spend it on her own and is so looking forward to just pottering around and cooking herself a nice dinner in her own home
It’s a day like any other all the hype about families is just that, hype the most family rows happen at Christmastime don’t worry you re missing out on the Happy songs around the treelook after yourself and do exactly what you want to do with your day xx

I've just done the 600 mile train round trip to family. As I have to rely on public transport (train) I prefer to do it the week before it all begins. I do this as husband never wants to come. Christmas is just the two of us. We don't bother much for the actual day, it's more about the nibbly things for the evenings. I've made my own mince pies inc the mincemeat and the cake. I'm the one who buys and wraps the presents plus the Christmas cards,tree etc basically everything. He just brings the grumps !!

for Venus, Annie and all of you bereaved this Christmas.
And for Vanatic and others who not by choice will be alone at Christmas.

Yes, it is 'just another day' but it must be so hard to push aside the feelings of loss and loneliness. As others have said, come on GN on Christmas Day - there will be people to talk to here. You will all be in my thoughts.

I am so sorry you will be alone this Christmas but it's not so bad. After being the host at Christmas for most of the last 50 years I love being able to do just what I want on Christmas Day. 3 years ago my DH had left and my darling Mum had died in the space of 3 weeks so my daughter insisted I spent Christmas and New Year with them. It was so frenetic all the time I was glad to get home. Last year my DH was back and we made no plans for Christmas other than I cooked two joints of meat on Christmas Eve so we could at what we wanted. We had a lazy day and it was lovely. I am not a Christmas person anymore.

You won’t be alone in so many ways.
I’ll think of you and toast you.
There is so much impossible social pressure put on it. On reading the posts I think of my poor mum. She always had to troop up here from London, and in her nineties she was begging reprieve ‘it’s only a day’ she used to say. Three of my friends insist on being Xmas refuseniks. And I salute them. We all have to find a way to survive the impossible day.
I have a rule ‘if you can get through it and nobody cries’ - bloody triumph.

Sorry to hear you will be alone at Christmas, sometimes it is the thought of it, but in reality it could be an enjoyable day for you. Spoil yourself with lots of little treats and your favourite TV programmes, maybe a good book if you enjoy reading. Think of it as just one day and it will put it into perspective. So many people spend every day alone. Christmas is,nt always a stress free day even if you are spending it with others, often tensions create problems and some long for the day to be over. A few years ago a someone I knew was going to be on her own after her relationship broke down. We invited her to join us for the day but she politely refused. She said "I,m going to do something positive about my Christmas and she did. Arranged with the local Salvation Army to help out serving the Christmas dinners at their centre to local homeless people....one of the best Christmas days she had....put things in perspective for her...and every other Christmas now she volunteers to serve the meals. It has put the whole meaning of Christmas in its right place for her.

I have been without my husband for forty years, it was very hard to come to terms with. I had our little daughters, my parents, three sisters but still missed him.

This year I have to accept a different Christmas , no sisters, daughter 2 long distance away and daughter 1 is dead , I ache for her , so this year will be the hardest ever to bear, no choice , just have to get through it.

Hi maybe volunteer at Salvation Army on Xmas day you won't be alone then xx

Hi annsixty... I'm with you here! My kids and grandkids will be with us as usual..... and if it wasn't for them I would be alone ( not physically , but mentally) my husband bores me to death...all he cares about is football and how many of the 50 live matches over the Xmas period he can fit into his oh-so-busy t.v. scheduling. And if it's not football it's trains and railways. He only hands the remote to me when none of his greatest viewing desires can be realised!! And he actually calls it as me "having a choice". I wonder if you have the same 'thoughts' as I do annsixty?! Have a peaceful day ...I will think of you.

There are usually local people serving Christmas lunch to those on their own on Christmas Day. Often churches. Another alternative.

annsixty - WHATEVER is 'the traditional wash'???

I will be travelling from London to Cornwall to stay with my daughter and her family - feel exhausted just writing that, but she doesn't want me to be alone. I lost my husband four years ago and it hit me badly because we were inseparable - Christmas just emphasises that.

I have Christmas alone sometimes from choice, it is fine.

If you fancy some human contact nip out out to a carol service, treat yourself to the best of the telly, fab food, good book and enjoy the day.

I have had some terrible times at Christmas, lonely in a group of people.............make the most of it.

I will be surrounded by 14other members of our family, so not exactly alone, but no Paw - what more can I say

To all of you whether “alone” or “lonely” it will be hard, but I hope you can find your own way through it to the other side .

Although I will be with my son and daughter-in-law's parents on Christmas Day, I will feel very much alone. My husband passed away five week's ago after fifty one year's of marriage. Since he's gone, I have felt very alone. You can be surrounded with people yet feel alone. Losing my parner is the worst thing that has happened to me.

I hope you have a peaceful day, Vanatic, just enjoying T.V., reading and generally relaxing. The day soon passess like any other day.

I redecorated the bedroom. Two days hard graft. Didn't think about Christmas at all!