To down size or not to down size.

Going from a house to a flat is a very big transition, so I do think you need to think this over and discuss it without resentment with your wife,

Please do work out how you visualise your retirement: what are you going to do? A one bedroom flat does not only mean that your children and grandchildren cannot visit, it also means only one sitting room I should think, so if you want to watch TV and your wife doesn't or the other way around what happens? Do you see yourself trotting out to the (very small) kitchen to sit and read there, or what?

I do understand the financial aspect and I agree with you that paying off your mortgage is a good idea, but can you? What is the property market like where you live? Have you any hope of getting the kind of money in you need?

Talk to your bank and building society, and ask your wife what her dreams for this new part of your life are.

When my husband calmly asked whether we shouldn't sell our flat and buy a boat and go sailing round Europe for four years, I looked at him in horror and started to cry!
So I understand your wife as well as you. Now six years later, I am happy I agreed to what I thought a hare-brained scheme, so good luck to both of you!

I agree with most others - one bedroom is not enough. Can you compromise on two?

It was the best move we made when we sold our big family house,who wants to keep and maintain 3 downstairs lounges and 4 bedrooms plus all the external upkeep once the family has moved on with their lives its runs far too expensive imo,we are now in a small bungalow with a small garden just great for our needs,the money we save from upkeep of a big house would pay for family to stay locally if they lived away but we are fortunate they all live close by and if we need a big family celebration we go to a local restaurant then home to our clean and tidy bungalow with no washing up to do.Your wife may be frightened she will loose all her family memories from your present home but she can pack them away in her mind and take them with her she will never forget her time living there I can assure you.

What were your plans to pay off the mortgage? Did you expect to work for longer? Not unreasonable to want to retire at your ages, but perhaps you could both work part time? You also need to discuss what will happen when one of you is left alone, much better to plan for the future together when you have more options. Finding a cheaper area as has been suggested is a really good idea, I certainly wouldn't be rushing to buy a one-bed flat at this stage. Retirement properties tend to be difficult to re-sell so you may get a 2 bedroomed place for a good price, even with some outside space.

If you were to downsize to a 2-bed house, another possibility would be, if you had a graden and enough money, to have a 'gypsy caravn' in the garden for extra accommodation. I read recently about one man who had used his annuity to do this and was renting it out on airbnb, so you'd have income when family is not staying.

Downsizing to a one-bedroomed apartment which effectively cuts your wife off from all that she loves is a dreadful proposition and I can well understand her digging her heels in. Not only would it mean not having the grandchildren or other family to stay but it would involve her in getting rid of possessions accumulated over the years which form part of her identity. You want to retire and can't because of money issues, and she is already retired. One solution is to see whether your wife can take a part time job herself to help with the remaining mortgage, i.e. could she do one or two days a week in a non-stressful role in a supermarket and then make a financial contribution which may enable you to go part-time leading up to the time when your mortgage is finished and you can retire completely. I can see this from her viewpoint as we had to downsize two years ago and it caused no end of stress as hubby and I disagreed over what should be ditched and what could be kept. Thankfully, I insisted on creating a loft room that stores all those things I am not ready to part with, and I am nearer to my grandchildren as a result which is the good news. However, we have no room for friends or family to stay and a sofa bed does not fit the bill for anybody over 6' foot tall. Not being able to accept guests is a huge loss. You are clearly resenting your wife for 'making' you continue to work, but if you force her to downsize and you are living in a rabbit hutch together 24/7, she may feel much greater resentment towards you and your plans for retirement may go pear-shaped. One further point, you have ambitions for retirement but don't say what they are - if they involve you going off and doing your own thing then your wife has even more reason not to agree since she will be left in her little box with nothing.

I can understand your feelings Gardenman and, at 69, you are entitled to retire. Maybe more discussion about the way forward would help. Personally I would consider a 1 bedroomed flat because you just wouldn't have enough room. My DH rented a flat while in England for specialised treatment. We looked at many but one bedroomed flats are so small you would never fit much in to them. With a 5ft bed in the bedroom there wasnt any room for any other furniture. But he was only there for six months so kept his clothes in a couple of suitcases Good luck and I hope you can reach a happy compromise.

We have a two bed flat although our gd lives with us. It’s always handy to have a spare room. Look into it anyway.

Have you considered moving to an area nearby which might be slightly cheaper?

We did this when downsizing. We ended up with a house and garden which was slightly bigger than the one we sold and one of our considerations was, could we use the downstairs only as bedroom and bathroom should we become frail as we age and cannot manage stairs. In our new place we can if the need arises but we still have room for family to stay. And the man has his garden of course, which was very important.

We were able to put money into the bank too because our new house was considerably cheaper than the one we left behind. (But nicer we think!)

I hope your wife will consider all the possibilities. I wouldn't move to a flat - I'd find it too claustrophobic I think, but a house elsewhere might be the answer? At your age you have to make life as easy and as nice as possible for yourselves. Now is the time to take your foot off the pedal and enjoy the years to come. Good luck.

I am ( unfortunately) not even a mother but feel perfectly at home on Gransnet!

I couldn't downsize to a flat. Tried it once and hated it. I didn't realise just how lonely it could be even though neighbours may live just across a landing.

I think you are both too young to be looking at one-bed flat/bungalow. I would see that as an option for much later in life.

They can be very claustrophobic, especially if 2 people are crammed in there. My parents did this and it was a bit of a nightmare when first one and then the other became unwell and there were aids etc. to be fitted in - and also no way for my Dad to get a moment's peace from my very demented mother.

We moved to a bungalow a year ago for health reasons - but it is spacious enough to give us room to maneouvre. (?sp)

And the ability to have GC to stay is part of what will keep you both young!

My PiLs downsized to a one bed bungalow. Within a couple of years, MiL became ill and needed adaptations to her sleeping arrangements. So FiL was obliged to sleep on a put you up bed settee. That would have been ok for one or two nights, but not for an elderly man for two years. A two bed property would have been ideal. Just a thought...

Gran can be short for Grandparent as well as Grandmother.

When my DH & I downsized we bought a Park Home (Mobile Home). We went from 4 double bedroom house to 2 bedroom. With our house we had a huge garden, our Park Home had a smaller but more manageable garden.

We could escape each other although it was not huge but as it had a kitchen/diner & a lounge we could have space & do our own thing.

Now I am widowed I'm in a 1 bedroom Park Home, no spare space at all but as it's only me I'm fine.

I would sit down with your wife & discuss why she doesn't want to move & try to discuss options.

I think you and your wife need to have a really serious conversation about how you want to spend the rest of your lives - it could easily be 15 or more years. Then together you find a property to suit your new retired lifestyles - compromising as necessary. Don't let a property dictate your life - buy the property that suits your life - but first you need to know what you hope & plan that life to be.
There could be all sorts of reasons why your wife is reluctant to move - sentimental attachment to a family home and all its memories - she may be fearful of the future and feel that a 1 bedroom flat (or any flat) signals her "aged" status - she might not be ready just yet and is using the DC & DGC as an excuse. Have you told her your worries - perhaps about continuing at work, house maintenance or whatever? Have you told her about your dreams & hopes for the future?
Take her out for a lovely meal and talk.
Good luck.

Good point bumble, a window box is no substitute if you are a keen gardener.

Gardenman99 - that sounds a bit of a drastic downsize - perhaps you should chat to your wife and list the pros and cons and come to a compromise.
Another consideration is that moving costs a lot of money - is it worth it especially as you have updated your present house?

A friend and her DH downsized and she said their new bungalow was too small - she said they couldn't get away from each other if they wanted to!! Perhaps your wife still needs some 'me space' or can send you out into the garden

Is it just that your wife wants to keep a spare bedroom or are there other things that she might be concerned about?

It can be a difficult change when you are together all day. Perhaps she's worried about having time to herself or that she will be left doing all the housework.

It sounds like more discussion might help?

Catlover123 it's all inclusive!!!!

No indeed it is not just for Grans we have a number of male contributors who are very welcome and appreciated here.

I thought this was GRANSNET? is it not just for GRANS?

My thoughts exactly radicalnan

She sounds selfish to insist that you keep working to pay the mortgage. You can aways put family in nearby B&B, why should you work yourself into the ground for people who are not there every day. I have very small home now, 3 rooms and a shower rom and we squash all the kids in here for chaotic fun times, get a decent bed setee and a self inflating blow up bed. Kids love 'camping'.

Best get yourself home with large bedroom in case you need single beds at some point.

In agreement with everybody else its got to be two bedrooms, are you looking to stay in the same neighbourhood, your wife may be worrying about that as well, as ever you need a chat with give and take on both sides and just a thought - you better start clearing out now its taking us ages to get ready to even think of downsizing.

Bed settee?