Grandchildren

Don’t give up hope Granless. After 12 years together my son was 50 when his eldest daughter was born! His partner was 39 and 3 years later they had a second daughter! He may be an older Dad but he revels in it and they are a very sporty family. The parents both work full time, the girls are in Primary School, life is busy but happy, I envy their energy!

Don't ask because they may be trying for a baby but unable to conceive. I was desperate for a DGC and had three older sisters who all had numerous DGC each. I just shared my sisters DGC and enjoyed them. Then eventually my DD presented me with one of my own. I would love another but would never ask as I know they struggle to pay extortionate nursery fees which I help with but hope when DGS is at school they may have another child.

Don’t ask. I never did with my DD and then stopped even thinking about it, but it’s difficult when friends’ children are popping them out one after the other. We now have a wonderful grandchild, but we waited a long time for him. If it is going to happen, it will happen. Just be let them live and enjoy their lives, and be happy for them.

I agree don’t ask.

I met an elderly lady once who sadly had a family of five children and she never got to be a granny!
It stopped me in my tracks, as I’d assumed really that one day with my three children I probably would be, but it’s not a given and now because of that lady I’m much more diplomatic and wouldn’t assume anything.

My son and daughter-in-law have been trying to have a baby for some time with no success. Not helped by her mother constantly nagging for a grandchild, which is making them quite unhappy. Not an easy question to ask, I'm afraid, but I wait for them to tell me what their next step might be.

All the posters are wisely saying ‘don’t ask’, but I really sympathise with you Granless. I think Coconut has the right idea. Just ask if it’s something they might consider or are they happy as they are. I expect it’s something that friends/acquaintances mention anyway. Of course, having a DGC on the other side of the world is a different kettle of fish and brings its own challenges ! Be careful what you wish for .... x

Please don't ask. Horrid and unkind idea in my opinion.

Lots of really great comments here. I know I would find it very, very hard if I didn't have my littlies but agree with others that it is your children's decision when/if to talk about it. Hard as it is to accept, it's their life whether it's by choice or circumstance. Hope does spring eternal though as a friend who had long accepted that small persons were not on her horizon got a surprise and only one when dtr was 43.

Don't ask.

I have a friend who pressured her daughter about making her a granny. Which I thought was so out of order. It is none of your business If they do or not. Maybe they can’t have any. And they shouldn’t have to explain that to anyone unless they choose to. Just look forward to the day that they tell you otherwise

It seems you have only one child. I can therefore understand your wish for your family not to come to an end with your son (if that's what you are thinking). However, you need to reflect on your own life - did you experience others asking you if/when you were going to have more children, did you appreciate that or feel very upset or intruded upon? Clearly, the decision to have children is a personal one and I don't think you should ever broach it. So ask yourself why you want a GC - if it's just to have little ones around you then offer your services as a volunteer at a local nursery or at some befriending scheme where you visit a child in care on a regular basis. Your son has therefore grown up in a small family unit without the experience of siblings and may be

They will tell you if they want you to know.

You should not have to ask others opinions as it is none of your business when your family decide to provide you with a grandchild.
My first born was a 'honeymoon' baby and I will never forget the comments and tut tuts that's a bit soon ! I experienced which was, and is, as bad as being asked when are you going to start a family.?

If they were worried about it, wouldn’t that have come up in conversation with your son?

I wonder how long they have been together? If not long, it may well still happen. It may still happen if they’ve been together for ages. Plenty of people have children when they are older than that.

I understand how much you want grandchildren. I was the same, and don’t ever take my two (born when their parents were mid- and late thirties) for granted.

I agree, if they wanted to talk about it they would have raised the subject. Just be glad they are happy and enjoy your life.

Whatever the reason I don’t think asking would help in any way.

No dont ask.

I think it depends on how close you are to your son, I don’t mean physically as he is the other side of the world ! It was an issue I used to joke about with my 3 “ Mummy wants at least 3 babies from each of you please, that makes 9”. I have 5 adorable grandchildren and all 3 have told me that that’s it now, and I am more than happy ! I personally cannot see what’s wrong with asking if he ever wants children, as long as you add “ or have you decided against it”... that way it lets him know there is no pressure if he has decided otherwise. But as I said, it all depends on your relationship with him, do you feel deep down that he would be offended ?

It’s understandable that you want to know but as others have said, you absolutely can’t ask.

Like others have said don't ask them we tried a lot of years before our children came along hated it when people asked when or are you having children I have GC now and know how lucky we are .

I agree .. Don't ask them .

Don't ask them! It's very intrusive.

When I became a Gran I was older than your average Gran - indeed 20 years older than my Mum had been when she became a Gran - I had started to think it wasn't to be - all my DC were in settled relationships but I never ever asked any of them about becoming parents - I always reminded myself that I didn't have children in order for them to give me grandchildren and I didn't know whether I might be causing pain by asking.
As paddyann says there are other things in life to enjoy - a friend volunteers at a local school - listening to the little ones reading - she loves helping them.

I certainly wouldn't ask them - you don't know their circumstances - they could be trying and it's just not happened yet but don't give up hope. My eldest son had his daughters in his 20's but my youngest was 39 when their first son was born 4 years ago in NZ quickly followed by his brother 2 years later so there's hope yet.