The New Argy Bargy cafe, please pop in!?

Never seen the Argy so packed with customers, Barry and Big Jim are on the door keeping riff raff out and throwing riff raff that got in ( and got drunk ) out again.I am both excited and nervous at the same time, because it’s time for my act now! My seven veils are all different colours, so I shall be a shimmering rainbow......right, my music is starting and here I go, ta dah!

.....phew! Well, that was fun, such applause, especially when my last two veils ( one green and one violet) got mixed up and came off together, good job I was wearing big knickers.
Off for a beer now and an early night with the Captain, you are on next Chewy....go girl!??

Well lemon; I'm not sure those 7 bits of cloth were actually veils at all... more like tiny handkerchiefs! And they didn't exactly cover very much did they? Poor old Big Jim looked like he would have a seizure when you whipped the last 2 off! ?

I've just done my turn. The Lady of the Lake by Sir Walter Scott. All 257 verses of it. Think it went well.

Please would the next one on wake everyone up?

It was very......tasteful Chewy ( the reading, not your outfit.) The punters were distracted by your lace bikini and white plastic thigh length boots.Unfortunately you forgot to put your wig on and your teeth in.

Marydoll, it’s you on now, got your spoons? Swing those tassels 1 2 3....go

The captains face when a tassel flew into his beer was the funniest thing I've seen for a long time, I think he's ready and drunk enough for my beer bottle act

That went well, we will try and do an event every month, whadddya say?
black, needed now, as the Captain and I had a few drinkies in his cabin and he asked me to reprise my veil act standing on his bunk (readers, I fell off it half way through my act) and we ended up in A&E ( I fell on him, so a softer landing though than it would otherwise have been.)

What do you mean, "That went well" ? I have I missed the show?
Oh dear, I was so engrossed in my belly dancing performance for the Sheik, that I forgot the time.

I did mention the Sheik, didn't I?

Marydoll was that Sheik Macoilmillionare of Dubai? He performs a truly wicked Heeland Fling!

Soop please don't encourage Marydoll in the pursuit of her dissolute lifestyle. Her frequent daliances with more than half of Arabia is impacting on her doing hershifts here in the Argy. It was her turn to be the toilet attendant last night but she was nowhere to be seen. And she was supposed to be the bouncer on the door on Friday but, again, vamooshed. thoroughly dissolute madam that she is

Love you all. xxx

Soop, he did mention he "knew" you.

Oh my eyes! You're running a den of iniquity you two!

There was an occasion when he partnered me for a wild 'Strip the Willow'. After which, I had to be lifted off the dance floor and given the kiss of life. It was as I was recovering from the action, that I thought to myself...not a shabby way to pass an evening. I shall pass him on to Marydoll. You lot know what a tyke she is. After half a bottle of fifteen year old malt, she performs a wicked fandango. Don't breathe a word to any body. I really like her, and wouldn't wish to tarnish her unsullied reputation.

Chewbacca There's only so much excitement that a girl can cope with. Mopping up spillages in the ladies, is asking far too much of anyone with Marydoll's panache. Don't know what the word means. I used it because it sounds classy.

15 year old whisky! How very dare you all imply I'm a cheap date!!!
A Bruichladdich 40 Year Old is more my style. However, it's sold out everywhere just now? I wonder why.

maybe because you drank the distillery dry?

Remember I have the key to the mysterious cupboard behind the cellar which has a few whisky treasures in it so let's open it next week, they might well be older than anything mentioned before

That's so kind of you Meno , but I have insider knowledge that it is not "tea" that Soop and that Kitcheners drink. Its just a ploy to fool us all. She too, has a well stocked drinks cabinet, trying to get her to share is the problem.?

Well I've just got back from A&E. I was last on with my juggling act. Got myself tangled up in the curtain and broke me conk on an empty bottle of whisky (dunno who's that was) Looks like I'll have to keep practising till next months extravaganza. Night all I'm off to take me loopy juice. ?

Marydoll Us lot in the kitchen have been known to lace our with something a tad more exciting. Trick is to sip from a china cup (the classier the better) and keep the little pinkie cocked/crooked/you how her Majesty takes tea...well, like that. You lot are invited to join us lot for a master class in upmarket manners.

soop us lot in the Argy have been know to lace our rum with coffee on occasion. It is a disguise you know

JaneD3 I am amused.

NannyT wishing you a speedy recovery ( take no water with it!)?
Soop will do you an act at our next entertainment night?
A novelty bagpipes act would go down well.

Yes, brandy with a dash of coffee is very nice in the morning.

You can hide anything in a cup of coffee! Remember the coffees at Beefeaters and Berni Inns of our youth?!