The New Argy Bargy cafe, please pop in!?

Marydoll I never trusted Carruthers either ( who can trust a man who wears a bow tie every day?)

Jane yes, here is a sample menu for you:
Tiny crackers (Ritz) with truffle slivers ( grown in the cellar)
Peanut crunch (don’t ask!)
Haggis slices a la mode
Eggs piquant ( diced pickled eggs)

Will that do?

The only hors d'ouvres in the place are the little piles left outside where Big Jim ties up his old horse

No Meno you are getting confused ( again) those are horses doings, not hors d’ouvres.?

I hope you are all working hard to keep things as you found them?

Anyone bought any new clothes.....we are having a Grand Opening on Friday, the Admiral is arriving to cut the ribbon.??

I thought they tasted funny

Don't worry, Meno, after all the other dodgy food we have eaten in the Argy and survived, you have nothing to worry about.

Good evening Lara, we will have to be on our best behaviour if HQ are about.
We have never tried Fabreze in our cocktails before, but we are always willing to experiment.
Please do remember the leopard skin dress code. I'm sure you have already spotted my leopard skin bikini.
I don't understand why the premises have emptied so quickly.

I was slightly disappointed at the menu I have to say. No quails eggs or larks tongues?
If I ever venture along I'll dine first. I suppose you do cocktails?

Oh we do some brilliant cocktails, can't always be sure what is in them but they look pretty and everyone falls over so very popular, let's invent some new ones for the grand opening on Friday. Suggestions?

Sex in the Cellar? Poteen and Guinness with a dash of blue Curaçao might be popular. I can see Meno and Marydoll liking them.

My doctor says it would be positively dangerous for me to stop drinking cocktails and recommends I seek like minded souls with whom to share my various vicissitudes so please can I have large gin based one? I'm slumped here in a stained dressing gown will that do for today?

Oh and Sex in the Cellar put me down for something.

That particular cocktail can cause temporary inebriation ( and blindness) and the management take no responsibility for customers falling over.Mind you, our customers fall over regularly anyway, drink and very high heels are a potent mix.?

Teetime you are the most glam person in the bar this morning!

Oh God!

I've put lipstick on now- I think its somewhere near my lips - well I thought if I'm doing Sex in the Cellar I'd better dress up.

Have you gone blind already Jane ?

It will wear off soon, just sit still!

No I haven't gone blind but fear that, should I ever venture to your establishment, it might be for the best. I usually just faint though if subjected to sudden sensory onslaughts.

Don't have any clothes which look like a dead animal but will the dayglow pink Lycra do? It clings to my ample curves so snugly.
If we don't have the ingredients for Manhattans, how about Middlesboroughs? Vodka (lots), sweet sherry and a dash of peppermint. That helps with the indigestion they sometimes bring on.

Sounds very us Jane you will fit right in here.

Does much knee touching go on in here? I see from other threads that is often frowned upon.

Knees are only grabbed as you fall slowly off your bar stool, then it is allowed and positively encouraged to avoid injury

Climbing back up using someone else's leggings therefore risking knicker showing is frowned upon and you may find you get a clout from a ham and cheese sandwich

Do we HAVE to put up with bar stools? 5' 1" in height and circumference make them a challenge even before the cocktails.