The New Argy Bargy cafe, please pop in!?

I'm back, I bet you were all wondering where I have been.
Oh I wasn't missed???

Do you remember the Irish themed party we had and I was dressed as a particularly attractive leprechaun?
Well there was an Irish rugby team drinking in the Argy that night and somehow, I ended up on the team bus back to Dublin as their mascot. It's all a bit hazy, I don't really remember much about it, apart from waking up in the luggage compartment of the bus, wearing rugby kit. Copious amounts of Guinness apparently were consumed.

I have been "working" my way around Dublin to make enough dosh to get back home. Thanks goodness I have lots of experience as a scrubber.

Oh dear, is that "Soop", who has appeared in the Caff? I fear I may have won her over to the dark side, when we met up in Edinburgh. She used to be so refined.
I hope she hasn't been cavorting with BIG Jim. Remember, he is mine, mine, mine!!!!

PS, whose Nanny is that who has appeared in the Caff? All she seems to do is drink Tee all day.

PPS, better get some jam sandwiches prepared, we may have a new member, but I hear she finds us all a bit scary and over the top.

PPS, Chewy's sentence for drunk and disorderly is nearly up. She finally managed to bribe the Governor.

Evening all. I got out of jail 25 minutes early for good behaviour. Been a while since I was in Scrubs but the foods improved certainly better than in here. Cif and Febrese asked me to send on their best wishes and asked if it would be possible for a cake to be sent into them, preferably with a screw driver or jemmy hidden in it. Having just tasted one of soops flapjack and pasties, I think she might be the best one to bake a solid enough cake to do the job. That ok with you soop?

Ah, great, you’re all back safe and sound in The Argy after your shenanigans round the town.
You are looking very chic tonight Mary your fish net tights are hardly torn at all, although you do know that your wig is on back to front, right?
Chewy so glad you got out, I did my ‘spell in a cell’ recently so know the score.
Drinks on the house for everyone! ?????

Last one out locks up.

Who locked me in the cellar....again?..,!

It was lemon!

Nice to have you back Meno. You don’t usually mind a spell in the cellar - anyone interesting down there too?

Well now you come to mention it.......

So, it appears that Marydoll has bagged Big Jim for herself. I was miffed when he took me to one side (in the cellar) and said he was spoken for. Mind you, whilst I was under the influence (don't ask) a drayman arrived to deliver the hard stuff. I volunteered to sample his wares. We got tipsy and I've only just made my way through the Caff door. Blimey, it's a real wreck...the door...the rozzers had to bash it in recently in order to arrest a few of the customers who were "disturbing the peace". Now, in my kitchen, such shenanigans 'ardly ever 'appen. We're proper laydees. We wipe our noses on cotton hankies with little roses embroidered in the corner. I noted that you lot use your cuffs. Sooooo common!

Careful there Soop or we may not require any more of your baked goods ( or baked bads as we like to call them) and you know you need the money to care for your small herd of wild haggis.
Yes, Big Jim and Mary are an item ( that could change)
He hasn’t seen me in my sparkly mini dress as yet, I wouldn't say it’s too short, mind, it’s tasteful and just covers my essentials.

We do not use our cuffs! Our cuffs are kept clean for exciting times in the cellar ( oh, you meant sleeve cuffs)

I lost my fur handcuffs ages ago, I think the rat man took them away by mistake

No, Meno, your fur handcuffs are in the hutch in the yard. You remember the one the rabbits lived in for a while? I did notice a few tiny cuffs nestling in the straw....do you think.....? Oh, no. Cuff bunnies?

I've just dropped in for a quick snifter. Not been this way in a while. Has much happened?

Evening, NotTooOld

It's actually a bit pointless asking if anything has happened, as we all suffer from memory lapses, I think it's something to do with the hooch. There is not a sober one among us...apart from Soop. She is one of the good time girls.

Evening all..... are you on bar duty NotTooOld ? I will have a quick half while I am here ( just gin, hold the tonic.)
I used the money from our Irish night to pay some cleaners, they will be giving the place a grand clean up at midnight ( they said cash in hand and they only work nights.)
So last one out tonight, leave it unlocked and I will pop back at 3a.m to see how they are getting on.
I promised them some food, so make sure not to eat the pile of bacon sarnies in the fridge.
They are lovely boys ( four of them) and they are friends of Dettol and Febreze, so no need to worry, they will even bring their own mops and marigolds! You can’t say fairer than that.

I happened to be strolling by the Argy tonight just "walking the dog, you understand and I couldn't help but notice that your cash in hand "cleaners" were having a bit of a session lemon. Not only were they they dancing semi nekkied on the tables, but Big Jim, Little Willie, Febrese and Claxon were handing out bottles of that firewater you've been brewing in the outside lav and charging 27p a pint for it. I went in to throw them all out but when I woke up.... they'd all gone.

Semi nekkied?! And I missed it?!
If Big Jim was charging 27p a pint for it he was over charging ?? real gut busting stuff it is.
You’re looking good these days btw Chewy although you should ditch the straw.

I was just passing by and the smell of coffee drew me in.The place looks sparkling, we will use those cleaners again, and this time I will stay and supervise them.

So Cif and Lenor are really back on the scene , but what happened to Jason the Alsatian? I think we need an Argy pet

I've got some fleas you could have?

Nice of you to share, have you been to the vet?

I have indeed and he said they're all 100% fit and healthy.

Jason the alsation now lives with me, he has fitted into The Lemongrove household very well, he acts as guard dog and
Dustbin, eating all the leftovers.I thought it was a bit unhygienic allowing him to live behind the bar, especially as we had an inspection coming up.
He can come back for visits though if you miss him?

Possibly we could get a cat for the Argy? He could keep the place mouse free.?

It’s been a long day today, so I shall settle here in the comfiest chair with me feet up and a pint of guinness ( with a cherry in please) .......ahhh, lovely!