Feeling a bit unsettled

Firstly please believe that this is not your problem. You have not changed your behavior (and should not have to) in any way.

Second, it is at the very least inappropriate behaviour and possibly verging on illegal. I can understand that you do not want to escalate things but you should be keeping a diary of the incidents you have mentioned to us and any others you have noticed. This will feel weird because you are someone who tries to behave well towards your neighbours but he is not and you are just noting each and every one of these inappropriate acts - that is what they are.

If you ever feel in danger from this man (rather than uncomfortable) ring the police on 999.

I wonder if you could ring the police (not the emergency number) and ask if there is someone you could talk to who could give you advice on how to deal with this. Sometimes just knowing you have useful tools to deal with a situation makes it feel less harassed.

Oldwoman70 please look up What is Stalking . Why are so many women thinking that we have to "deal" with a neighbour's criminal behaviour by hiding ourselves or resorting to challenging the suspect. Do we lead such sheltered lives that we are unaware of danger. My stalker even entered my house without my knowledge and don't think it couldn't happen to you. I am a streetwise independent professional woman. These men are sick and crafty. He will have been watching you while you are unaware many times. Their wives have a lot to lose if they are found out and will protect their husbands. Keep safe.

It's not so much stalking but kind of borders (or is on the edges) of voyeurism, although usually associated with nakedness and sexual acts. Certainly is could be viewed as sexual harassment, intimidation, even bullying especially when you have to resort to using a room out of his view. This is your home you must deal with it.

Well meaning others are not the victim. It is you. You are being stalked. What is he doing that you are not aware. He is a Peeping Tom and a Stalker. Take it seriously. Some women haven't and it has cost them their lives.

Sorry all you wonderful polite ladies, but I would put up a very large sign in my window telling him to off. Seriously.

I wouldn't say anything to either him or his wife....that only creates bad blood and things can escalate.

You can quietly put up blinds, curtains or whatever works to ensure your privacy, at least until the scaffolding is removed. If the stalking/uncomfortable comments and the scaffolding continue, you could file a formal complaint with the local police so there is something on record.

He's probably harmless, but it's always a good idea to have adequate security in your house. A good watch dog can also be a good companion.

Personally I would wait till he makes another comment, then I would just say “ you are making me feel uncomfortable in my own home, can you please stop”. Offend or please, this is not acceptable behaviour. Some people respond to subtle, but if that does not work bluntness will !

B&Q and other places sell a film that just does onto the glass and make window obscure.comes off easily too.

People are so lacking in good manners at times.

I dislike nets but prefer them to privacy film and have them at the front.
At the back I have vertical blinds which I draw right back for light. A neighbour whose house overlooks mine made a comment once 'I can see the doll's house' and I was very irritated. I get on fine with her in a casual way, always stop for a chat. I was surprised how intrusive I found her comment, I feel that one just doesn't remark on what can be seen through a neighbour's windows!
I guess I am being a little unreasonable!

I had neighbours who thought it was ok to wave at me when I was lounging on the sofa in my pyjamas watching tv. Not only the neighbours but their visitors! (There was a path round the side of their house). They had a 'it's only us' attitude.

We had a wall built, they didn't like it but they adjusted to it and we remained friends.

These lightweight stick on temporary blinds may help - we used them before we knew what we wanted at the windows when we moved house. www.blindsinabox.co.uk

Speak to both of them and ask how long the scaffolding will be in place. Do you know what the problem is that needs the scaffolding ? Is it a problem you may expect to have with your own property?

Let them know how uncomfortable you feel being so overlooked to the point you are looking at getting blinds. If you do not get anywhere follow through and get blinds. You will be sending a message to them.

You have tried the light hearted approach and it hasn't worked. He may think you are ok with it.

It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but they need to understand how unhappy you are. Alternatively you could write a letter to them if you don't feel able to speak to them.

You don't know what the wife's attitude maybe and you won't know until you have communicated with her.

I suggest you keep a copy of any correspondence and keep a log of incidents in case you need to escalate the matter with the police. You could phone the police and ask for advice at this point.

Alternatively you could give him merry hell and rude gestures every time you catch him peeping. Tell him where to go in no uncertain terms. They may never speak to you again but that could be a good thing! :-)

Sorry "over-familiar"

I bought a pretty voile scarf yesterday. I was thinking that pinning something like that across the window would give privacy and would be easily taken down. We have a neighbour who always seems to be around every time we go out through the back door. We joke he is hiding behind the fence and jumps up when our door opens. Last week hubby went out in his dressing gown at 6 am to put the bins out. Believe it or not the neighbour popped up! We think he's lonely since early retirement.

It might be a little over the top to complain to his wife - and it is more likely that he is simply over-familitar rather than a stalker. Perhaps if you ask her when the scaffolding will be coming down "because you feel a little overlooked"? That way it could be the builders you are worried about, assuming that he isn't doing the work himself.

Agree with others that this is beyond neighbourly interest. This is intrusive/stalking /creepy/ bullying behaviour and its not OK. Maybe turn the tables and get an old movie camera or fake CCTV or security camera (you can buy them very cheaply online) and position it in your window so he can see it. He will never know whether his behaviour is being filmed or not. If any comments are made just say your family were concerned about your welfare. Don't involve his wife, as others have, said she is most likely to get defensive. Call his bluff with a smile and confidence.

Personally I would not escalate it at this time. Falling out can lead to misery and you don't feel threatened. I would put up some net curtains and be done with it. Don't give it another thought and you can take them down when the scaffolding is removed. He is probably bored, but any further comments should be put firmly in their place.

This is stalking and it won't stop but continue and escalate. Please access the Network for Surviving Stalking. Stalking is now recognised as a crime. This is how it started with me. I eventually had a heart attack and had to move house. It is good to know that nowadays your fears will be acknowledged. Keep a diary of everything--however insignificant and you can speak confidentially to your local council officer who deals with problematic neighbours. Also contact your community police officer who will be helpful--often a woman--and it will be logged.Do not speak to the wife as she will protect him. Do however speak to every neighbour and friend so that they are aware. Keep safe.

What a creep - he'd get my best schoolmarm look, I'd look him up and down and say 'Have you got a full length mirror?' I'm currently having the same creepy behaviour from a member of my church, what do they think they are?!

Could you ask his wife how long the scaffolding is going to be there? ~I had to hire some and it isn't cheap so we just had it for the shortest time possible. If it is only for a short time i would buy a roll of privacy film and put that up for the interim. I wouldn't tell his wife as she probably would feel she had to defend him - not worth the hassle - if, once the scaffolding has gone, he continues to stare into your windows then I would say something directly to him about it

It's one thing having scaffolding up and getting on with the necessary work, quite another to have the neighbour making personal comments on your private life. I would find this very creepy. First either put some lightweight nets/voiles up or an inexpensive Venetian blind (the sort that Argos sells). Next time you see his wife ask her how the work is progressing and any idea when the scaffolding will be coming down. After all if it's been up a few months what on earth are they having done.! You could also be a bit blunt with him as well if he makes further remarks or comments if you put nets up.....such as I value my privacy thank you. I think I would ask someone else to watch your property when you are away, try and distance yourself from him. He is being over familiar with you and out of line, I would give him the cold shoulder.

That is really horrible. Some men genuinely don't seem to know where the line is, or even where the line is and some just enjoy creeping women out.
I would get some quite thick nets and put them up. This is better than just shutting your curtain a bit because it is a clear signal to him.
You are probably doing the right thing to reply in a fairly bland way but you have to be alert to any signs of escalation. It isn't really about how you look or your age. It is more about power and he is already make you change your behaviour.

No don't tell the wife! She a) may not believe you and think you fancy her husband and it's wishful thinking or b) may feel she has to defend him vigorously anyway. First tell him please stop looking into my windows, it feels intrusive. If he still does it, then consider whether he has any other signs of inappropriate behaviour or mental deterioration in which case he probably can't regulate his own behaviour. If all else fails tell him you will go to the police. And like everyone else has said put up nets (remember at night when the lights are on nets don't offer privacy so pull your main curtains.

Golly, this guy sounds like a creep. He obviously has no idea of how he’s coming across. Maybe just socially lacking? Scaffolding is very expensive to hire so is usually only used for the minimum time - I wonder why it’s up for so long? Have you asked what they’re having done?
I hate net curtains and they only block viewing as long there are no lamps on. Vertical blinds are fab. You can alter the angles of the slats from closed to fully open and every angle in between, allowing as much or as little light in as you need. They come in hundreds of fabrics and colours. Might be more expensive than nets but a better, more attractive long term solution. Hillary’s are always having sales/ offers and do the whole job. Better than having to hide in your own home?

You could get some removable window film that just clings to the glass it’s not too expensive . It’s not a permanent change & cheaper than blinds or nets