Feeling ashamed

Well said Chris! I also think that Age UK and most County Council’s have lists of reputable local builders who are used to working with older people and adhere to a trade code of conduct.

You sold yourself cheap. £20, should have been £100.

If you don't ask you don't get!

Congrats. Oldwoman70 - too many tradesmen adopt the default attitude "it's only an old biddy - she won't kick up a fuss. She can wait!"

We women are far too polite with these types to the point where we sometimes end up apologising to THEM for our response to their sloppy and bad-mannered behaviour.

Good for you girl!

Forgive yourself. Ii once did this with a company who kept making a mistake with my direct debit and, using words that aren't in a polite dictionary, I said I wanted twenty pounds in compensation for the driving I had to do to take cash to them, because they had not activated the direct debit - two months in a row! I felt that I had lowered my standards and was so ashamed when the twenty pounds arrived but it taught me that complainers get better treatment than us easygoing people. You're nice nearly all of the time, yes? Forget this hiccup and be proud that you stuck up for yourself.

Why should you apologise, surely it should be the Tradesman for being so disrespectful?
Could it be that you perhaps lack confidence when dealing with Tradesmen and it shows, hence the reason they take advantage of the fact. Perhaps you should start by changing your nom de plume from `Oldwoman70` to Assertivelady! after all 70 is hardly old these days!

Sorry, that should have been 'downstairs loo'.

You have nothing to be ashamed of as the man certainly deserved your wrath.

Last year my son had a plumber in to do some work in the dowstairs and he asked me to be there as he had to go to work. After the job was supposedly fitted and the plumber had left I went upstairs to use the toilet and to my horror the hand basin was overflowing as the taps were on and the plug in place. By this time water was coming through the kitchen ceiling. My son contacted the plumber who denied it was his fault and in a series of e-mails said he would see my son in Court. To cut a long story short, they did meet in Court with me as witness (I think the man thought it was his lucky day seeing me as the witness). The judge decided in our favour, particularly as the plumber had tied himself in knots trying to shift the blame to us and managed to find thd £500 to settle our claim. The judge did try to hide a smile when it was suggested that if I hadn"t been upstairs it could have been someone else. I simply asked if he believed in ghosts as my son was at work and my grandson at college.

That's what both of you needed: he needed a shake up (if he really wanted work) and you definitely needed to get it out of your system. The only curiosity here is given your comments why you even considered using him again.

Now forget him and find another workman,

Well done for telling him all that he deserved. I don't understand why these people agree to do a job and then don't stick at it until it's finished. I have a similar situation with a decorator who has started painting then says he has hurt his back and taking 2 days off, then reappearing. I haven't got a finished bedroom at the moment.

My Younger Sister, many, many years ago took some driving lessons. One day, her Instructor did not turn up, nor did he 'phone her to tell her. My Sister stewed on this for a while and then 'phoned his home number. A Lady answered, my Sister who was not a happy bunny having waited so long, immediately told the lady that she was not impressed with being kept waiting etc. The Lady was the Instructors wife who then tearfully explained that her Husband had collapsed and died that very morning. My Sister was completely and utterly mortified. She has never, ever forgotten it and still feels very ashamed at her behaviour that day. She never looked for another Instructor, and gave up.

Sometimes anger is just what's needed. I recently lost my temper with a doctors receptionist. Suddenly, all the things she 'couldn't do without a letter' got done there and then.

A few years ago I employed a carpenter to put up a door for me, (internal). I bought the door, he supplied the frame, hinges etc. I left him to get on while I hosted a meeting in another room. I had the payment cheque ready for him when he tapped the door to say it was finished, so gave him the cheque. When eventually my guests were gone and I checked his work and to my dismay, he had cut off a length of skirting that was there before he started, used splintered wood on the frame and it was just awful. A lady on my own I didn't know what to do. I didn't sleep that night and the next morning rang my bank and cancelled the cheque. Then I rang him and told him
what I had done and why. He spent another day redoing it to perfection. I asked if he had taken advantage because I was a lone woman, which of course he denied. I am much stronger now before I part with any money after that experience. But I was livid!

It's sounds like he deserved it. It might just make him realise that customers should be valued and not taken for granted.

I thought your post would end with a discovery that he had had a close family bereavement......... Otherwise, he probably deserved your anger. I've been reduced to angry tears by tradesmen disappearing elsewhere to do outside work when it was fine and inside work when it was not - none of it on our house which we were living in with our 2 young children whilst it had no wall, no floors and barely a roof. At one point my husband fell through the upstairs floor boards sending lumps of plaster board onto the children who were asleep on the floor below. Luckily, no-one was seriously hurt. However, I was crying on the phone to his wife who sorted him and his team out pronto. I felt no shame, just a deep anger that they should treat us like this.

If you're known for being easy going he must have seriously annoyed you for you to lose your temper. Hopefully, he'll think twice before taking someone else's good nature for granted. Don't feel guilty about it. It'll be a valuable lesson for him.
I've got a fridge magnet which reads, "Sod calm and get angry." I like to be calm but really, there are times when you're sorely provoked and this was one of them.

I was bombarded with cold calls from Orange. I kept explaining I didn't have a contract with them, my son did, but he'd left home. One evening I just exploded and yelled at the caller. I never received a call again, so I'm glad i lost my cool.

Oldwoman70, I salute you for your grace and courage in contacting your defaulting tradesman and apologising for shouting. SO glad you won't be using him again. Some of us would simply squirmed for a few days and tried to push our bad behaviour into the background. You were great. Many contributors here seem to think shouting is either correct or justifiable. Not me. It is a type of loss of control and that is never a good idea and sometimes has far reaching and awful consequences. I hope you have now managed to get your job done satisfactorily with someone able and reliable. Again, well done you.

Oldwoman 70.Good on you. Speaking from my own experience there is an increase in what you have been subjected to from trades persons who appear to believe they can turn up /not turn up to suit themselves having already made an appointment with you to carry out their work.
The government continually push the need for more homes to be built Many of these new builds give tradespersons on going work .They have contracts which then leaves the likes of you and I with who ever we can find to do maintenance .Like me you just have to keep trying however frustrating.

I'm old fashioned and hate to hear bad language from men or women. You were justified in being annoyed so if you didn't swear at him I think that's ok. I always say to people working or about to work for me, just keep me informed of
changes and or delays. About 50% of the time they do. It's very frustrating. It's so easy nowadays to phone or text.

I don’t see why its wrong to shout! The British seem to have an obsession with keeping things batoned down! Anger is part of our repertoire of emotions and perfectly healthy as long as it’s with proportion! Shouting is fine and better than tight lipped tutting?

Chris107 Yes I agree with all you say but this wasn't a big building job - just a few odd and ends, something an established building company would not take on so I decided to use a local odd job man - big mistake. It is hard to find someone who is willing to come along and spend a few hours doing a few small jobs.

Izzywhizzy yes leave him a true review half the reviews you may have see could have been false or like you are thinking because he was a nice man! That's exactly how con men work. Personally although he wasn't brilliant you should offer him a chance to finish the job correctly. If he doesn't answer your calls or doesn't turn up as arranged then right the review. Remember other people like you will read it and employ him!

Please never pay upfront to a tradesman you should always pay on completion or on a large job in stages agreed in your written quotation. You also can have clauses added for delays, lateness and days not turned up, quality of works. Especially if you have to pass building control. Never agree to pay for materials upfront only if you order then and oversee delivery. You potentially could be handing over hundreds of pounds before you see any work completed. ALWAYS have and itemized written quotation and a contract over payment or schedule written up. Any good tradesman will expect this and should have no objection if you have suggested it.
If you have to speak to your tradesman about something and you loose your temper don't feel sorry unless you went overboard call back an apologise but then explain why and resolve. Basically you are paying for a service and that is exactly what you should get particularly if you are paying by the day!! Always expect to wait for quality, a builder who is established will have long waiting times. Sometimes if they are a new business or ana quiet point you will get a quick turn up date but dont be upset if you dont. Ask to see other work and also ask for references although be careful because they can be false. There are sites that have recommended builders on but ask about first.
I only know this because my husband used to be a builder and he always worked to strict guidelines like this. There are so many rogue builders out there just like there are so many good ones. Please don't get ripped off. It could cost you all your savings x

By the sounds of it I don’t imagine you would be the first nor the last he gets a roasting from

I had someone here to do a job. He had very good reviews so I thought I'd give him a try. He hasn't done a good job and I had someone else out to confirm what was wrong and quoted £100 to redo this small job. I paid £100 in the first place so it's going to end up an expensive experience . This man was going to do other jobs but he never came back (thank goodness ) .So do I do a review on him and say what I feel ? He was such a nice man which seems to make it worse.