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'Unspoken' forum rules?

(275 Posts)
Imperfect27 Sun 08-Oct-17 16:06:16

To my mind, this, like any other public forum is a 'free space' for us all. I have posted over many years, on many different forums, but never before encountered what seems to be an applied undercurrent of 'pecking order' based on longevity of membership. Maybe this is peculiar to GN. I truly do not know, but I am not imagining it. These seem to be the unspoken rules that SOME want GN to run by:

Long established posters may exercise the right to post sharp comments without apology or explanation.

Newbies must forgive this, but not respond (most likely because they 'don't know the back story to that poster's life.' )

Newbies should not have the audacity to suggest that someone may be out of order.

If Newbies want to disagree with established users, they are making 'accusations' and must provide evidence for any points raised.

PM - ing anyone is 'talking behind someone's back.'

If a newbie writes frankly and openly - in a polite way, they are still 'overstepping the (hidden) mark and it is ok for someone more established to take them to task about it.

Gransnet should be understood as a 'club' and new members should not comment on how it operates. If they do they can expect to be put in their place.

I am not being fascetious here. I genuinely want us to chew this over. These are the messages that I think do SOMETIMES get sent out. Is this what other people believe to be the case?

Mania Wed 01-Nov-17 08:00:11

I am someimes anxious to be understood correctly which can mean I get a bit wordy / clumsy even. That is not the same as wanting / needing to have the last word.

Chewbacca Wed 11-Oct-17 15:53:05

Don't suppose you've got any rock cakes left have you Soop? We're short of anything edible in the Argy Bargy.

soop Wed 11-Oct-17 15:26:38

Alima My mother was an expert rock cake baker. So hard they had to be dunked several times in a glass of milk to avoid fits of choking. She did her best. That's what counts.

Eglantine21 Tue 10-Oct-17 20:32:29

Good lord, Mawbroon, the houses have been painted and the cars on the road are somewhat better than my battered cortina. Someone stole the bonnet one night!
Nearer 50 years since I was there. It obviously came up in the world when I left!

Alima Tue 10-Oct-17 19:08:20

Lovely to see you out here soop. I am incredibly impressed by your baking skills, a woman after my own heart. The last time I tried baking my batch of muffins could have been used as sling shot. I have the pets and am quite happy washing up......

whitewave Tue 10-Oct-17 18:11:58

Ah sounds like me throughout the day. Trying to look busy???? absolutely ridiculous really, but probably good for my soul as I would yak too much otherwise.

Iam64 Tue 10-Oct-17 18:09:26

Enjoy your evening soop, it sounds blissful.

soop Tue 10-Oct-17 18:08:24

I'm an hour overdue for signing off time. The broadband has it's weird moments. However, I'm without some of today's mod cons - tablet/smart phone and other useful gadgets. Just my trusty, last century computer on which to waffle. I therefore switch off and pretend to look busy doing other useful housewifely stuff. Baking is not on the agenda. Husband cooks and I wash the dishes and faff around with a dish cloth. Somebody has to. wink moon

MawBroon Tue 10-Oct-17 17:58:54

Not such a “grimy road in Wandsworth” Eglantine with properties at £2million shock

www.rightmove.co.uk/house-prices/SW18/Eglantine-Road.html
Not even grimy 40 years ago when I knew it and my friend Heather moved there (you’re not her are you???)

whitewave Tue 10-Oct-17 17:58:24

soop you couldn’t have read many of my posts ?
I am useless at proof reading and tend to simply dash it off, which means that the end result is often ridiculous, my spelling ability is non-existent and getting worse as I get older.

Hey ho

Can you tell me one thing that puzzles me please. I notice that you often sign off about 5ish -is that because you live out of the way and broadband is weird?

lemongrove Tue 10-Oct-17 17:53:13

Oh, Jason ( bar Alsation dog) will relish that, and none of us regulars to The Argy is worried about hygene.?

soop Tue 10-Oct-17 17:45:51

lemongrove I should have added that the cake may have a few dozen cat hairs for added texture.

soop Tue 10-Oct-17 17:44:21

whitewave Now that I'm aged I have great difficulty with punctuation in spite of earning a living as proof reader (a very long time ago). I would welcome your posts. You could offer me some much needed sound advice.

harrigran we first met at Gally's. That was a long time ago. It was a special occasion. I still have the photograph.

lemongrove Tue 10-Oct-17 17:41:49

Sounds just the job. ?
It’s what we are all used to!

soop Tue 10-Oct-17 17:34:40

lemongrove My speciality is an upside down cake scraped off the kitchen floor. Will that do?

whitewave Tue 10-Oct-17 17:32:02

Oh soop what you don’t seem to understand is that anyone taking part inGN can’t fail to read your lovely posts and even lovelier photos. I never post in the kitchen because I think I’m useless at chat, but I would always defend the kitchen and it’s lovely people.

harrigran Tue 10-Oct-17 17:27:28

soop, you are one of the kindest people I have met and you could never be accused of being boring. Anyone who wants to pick a fight will have to get past me smile

lemongrove Tue 10-Oct-17 17:27:17

Soop I doubt that anyone finds you annoying and your kitchen serves a function, just as the thread for mutual support for cut off Mums and Grans does,and The Argy Bargy cafe/bar ( yes do bake us a bit of haggis or something when you have time)? Not everybody likes any of these threads, simply because they feel they don’t need them.
Room for all on GN.

soop Tue 10-Oct-17 17:19:34

I admit (and agree) that many Gransnetters think that I'm a boring old fart. I'm not too clever either and certainly wouldn't have anything profound to add to a political forum. It's also true that the kitchen may seem twee and that there are more urgent topics to debate other than what a lousy cook I am (I could produce a disgusting cake for the ary bargy caf) or that I am often blighted by depression. It is who I am. I do value on-line support. I do not ask to be liked. Heaven forbid! In fact I know that I annoy a number of people but I do not go out of my way to do so. I don't know what more I can add.

Anya Tue 10-Oct-17 17:00:57

No need to apologise soop I know you for a kind and caring person

soop Tue 10-Oct-17 16:35:03

Anya Have I been guilty of hurting or offending you? I'm unaware of doing such a thing but, if I have, I would like to apologise.

sunseeker Tue 10-Oct-17 12:07:05

Diva I so agree with you! I can understand people who are passionate about something arguing their corner what I don't understand is the unwillingness to accept the right for someone else to have a differing opinion and respect that right. I also fail to see the reasoning behind getting into an argument (rather than a discussion) with someone who it is very unlikely you are actually going to meet.

Divawithattitude Tue 10-Oct-17 11:00:17

Oh dear, how many years on and nothing has really changed. We still have those who suspect every newbie of being a troll, those who think that their views are of more value than others, those who want to PMbehind the backs of others. In fact it’s an online version of real life, and what do we do in real life, if we have the inclination or energy we argue and comment, if not we just walk on by. I do not understand why some people cannot resist an argument. Life is too short.

TerriBull Tue 10-Oct-17 10:58:26

Some have suggested that the support thread should be a closed one via Facebook because they resent advice from "interlopers" who are not in their position. I disagree, the way I see it, the thread is there for any newbies to join in who find themselves in that position. After all not everyone is on Facebook, I'm not.

I perceive it as quite different from say a poster who will open a thread with a problem they are having with a family member and wants suggestions as to how to deal with that. There was a very recent one from a young mother who was having problems with m-i-law taking over with newborn. The m-i-law sounded bang out of order and I think that was the consensus that was put across to her. I can quite see that GN is a good place to come to ask advice on such matters.

Ilovecheese, I wouldn't want to suggest that everyone who joins in the discussion on the "cut off" thread is smug, but on occasions that is what has come across to me and I think there has definitely been unkindness and a while back, I think there was a few MNs who even seem to enjoy goading a couple of the posters there, but perhaps they were seeing the situations described from a different perspective.

Ilovecheese Tue 10-Oct-17 10:38:56

I think you are right too, Terribull about newer members like me wandering over to the "support" thread. In my case this was a misunderstanding about what the thread was for. I thought it was a discussion, now realise that that is not what it is for, but just for those in that position to support each other. No smugness intended, just didn't understand the unspoken rule.