A life in black bin bags

Oh polyester - yes, the photo albums, of people who lived, breathed, laughed, loved, meant something to somebody.

You are right though. What do you do with old photos that mean nothing to nobody else?

I feel a bit of a chill running down my spine. That's life isn't it? Once we've had our allotted span we are nothing. Life goes on, the world keeps turning.

I am comforted by the 'being nearby, in another room' poem. I truly believe we are spirits having a human experience. Long story. I hope I don't sound like a hippy (although I probably am a repressed old hippy) and I do believe there is more to life and death than we'll ever know, but is the world a colder place when we lose people -people like this man who died alone and left his little, confined cultured existence in such an undignified manner?

I quite like visiting churches and graveyards. I'll read old tombstones and try to imagine the sort of life the deceased lived. I often wonder if they know I am doing it...

We were in a churchyard the other day and found, by accident, the grave of the woman who had lived in the S.O's house for many many years. I only knew because the next door neighbour had told me her name. It was the only name on the gravestone; no mention of any other family. So, next time we're up there I'll put some flowers on the grave. I did tell her that we loved her house very much and were looking after it for her. The house has such a lovely feel to it, so I reckon she was a very nice person. Did anyone see the documentary a few years ago about the young girl who died in her flat and no one realised for ages that it had happened. And she had been young, beautiful and had many friends. I can't remember the name of it, though.

I saw the programme too and was saddened but also impressed by how respectful the cleaners were when they talked about this gentleman and others they had had to deal with.

I used to think we can only live on in the memories of people who who knew us as this man now will, in ours. This however will only be as long as each generation survives or History reports. Then one day I saw a photo taken by the astronaut Michael Collins which contained everyone who ever lived or will live (except himself). This was explained by the fact that matter never really disappears but changes into something else. I'm not a scientist so that's my best explanation. This changed my perception and I| feel much more comfortable about death now. Don't get me wrong I can still feel sad and get very emotional about the loss of those close to me but it is much easier to come to terms with.

If it works this is the link to the photograph:

rarehistoricalphotos.com/michael-collins-picture-1969/

In the last few years of her life, my grandmother lived with us in the summers and in a guest house for the winters.
When she died, she had very few possessions, other than clothes.
I think she was confident in herself and didn't need possessions to make her feel "real" in any way.

It does seem sad to get rid of someone's things after death, but really it's just what happens and we can't cling on to the things or the person.

jane10 you can not live your life like that thinking about when you die to that extent, it can not be nice for you, you are still very much alive and to not buy something because one day you will die is IMHO silly

The young woman you mentioned was Joyce Carol Vincent, Tegan. DH and I saw the documentary at the pictures and it was very moving. Incomprehensible still how a young woman who'd led such an interesting and full life could die and not be missed by anyone for three years.
www.theguardian.com/film/2011/oct/09/joyce-vincent-death-mystery-documentary

Thanks Serkeen. To be honest the potential purchase was extremely sentimental. I'd been in an antiques centre and found an object that I recognised immediately as having belonged to my very dear Gran. It was extremely unusual and absolutely definitely hers. It must have been sold after her death many years ago. It was a shock. I really wanted to offer it a home! However, it would be bought for purely sentimental reasons, my children wouldn't want it or even understand why I wanted it. I'd posted on this thread yesterday then looked up and could count 8 items in view that had come from Gran. As well as my happy memories of her that seems enough! She lives on as my role model with my own DGS. X

I agree it's very sad when someone does and much loved possessions are disposed of but .......... my much loved mother died nearly 4 years ago and as an only child everything that was here was left to me. She lived in the 3 bed family home so had never had to 'downsize '. I obviously had the task of going through all the house. The majority was sent off to charity shops but many,many boxes came home with me. I have a few bits and bobs out for sentimental reasons but most is in the loft. So in reality it's waiting until I pop off for my daughter to chuck along with all my stuff.

* dies ** not does !

I have a friend, mid 70's, who has just one son & 3 GC. He has told my friend to get rid of all her rubbish as he will have to sort it all out 'at the end'. Obviously my friens was both upset & angry at being told this & i agreed with her. When I told my DS what had been said & asked if I should get rid of some of my collections & books I was told he knew what I have & if something went missing he would know. He said I get a lot of pleasure from it all so why should I get rid of anything. He would sort it out when the time comes so until then I am to carry on enjoying it all!
No wonder I love DS so much!

Life is precious, stuff is not. What a pity we don't know that all along and spend time so unwisely in the pursuit of stuff.

I hated clearing dad's house and was only able to part with thing over time and yet, every day he is here with me in all that I have and am able still to do for my kids.

Experiences and memories are what we need when the people have gone.

After having to sort through everything when my father died, my sister and I decided then that we wouldn't leave a hoard of things for our children to have to rummage through. We were going through all the photo's he had (my Mum had died 4 yrs previous and he had moved into sheltered housing and just took everything with him), and we knew hardly anyone on the old photo's, which all got binned, we just saved a few precious memories for ourselves.
After that I started on all the things I had and it was amazing how much you accumulate, most of it of no interest whatsoever to anyone but yourself, so I was ruthless at times but thought I don't want my children to have to sort it. As I have 4 granddaughters I even sorted my jewellery as well. I am not a jewellery person so just saved a couple of pieces and sold the rest. I didn't want any arguments as to who would get what. Since then clothes, craft goods, etc have all been sorted and got rid of. Hopefully when I do go they will only have a small amount to sort.

Apparently by law Councils have to throw things away. If that is true, then it needs to be changed.
It is a shame that the history of individuals cannot be saved. After my grandfather died I sent some items to a historical society that had been set up in his village and I had a nice letter back from a man who had lived next door to him for over 60 years. My aunt got married in a non-conformist chapel that was bought by a philistine doctor who turned it into a garage. Hers was the last wedding there and most of the village turned out to watch so I sent them the photographs of that and other events.
There are bound to be things that someone would want.

I also saw the television program about the gentleman that had died with no relatives to care for his possessions. However, I like to think that just maybe such an erudite person has left his 'life's footprint' behind in greater ways than the mere possessions that were destined for the black bin bag.
I like to hope that just maybe his skills as a linguist meant that he was a teacher, university lecturer or an important translator during his working life. And that he passed his knowledge and skills onto generations of youngsters who in turn will use those talents for the greater good of us all....
What better legacy could he have left?
His dog-eared books and clothes served him well during his lifetime but his life skills just may live on for many years to come.
We will all leave behind possessions that will be destined for the refuse tip, unwanted by our relatives but I know that more important than life's trivia are the skills, wisdom, traditions and love that we pass onto our children and grandchildren.
I have recently written a book for my grandson (he is 14 yrs old) it tells my life story and in time when I am long gone he can read and tell his children, grandchildren of their long -passed Grandma so they too can learn about me in a far more effective way than seeing an old picture or book that once belonged to some long-dead relative.

Hi Polyester 75. You have just said it . I don't want my children to have to throw out my accumulated detritus. I have had to do it twice. Once for my Mum and once for my older Sister, not counting my Parents in law. It is not a pleasant job and now 5 years after my sister died I've just had words with my nephew about photos which have been untouched and in his mother's garage and I decided the time had come to get rid of them. He had 5 years to go through them and now because I disposed of them he's very angry with me.

Something was said on a TV programme recently (I can’t remember the exact details) but it said that you are only two generations from being completely forgotten. If you think about it, it’s true. My grandchildren have no real interest in my parents and grandparents even though they are very real to me. Maybe when they are older they will be curious about ancestry. It has made me think about getting rid of things which are maybe only relevant to my memories. Very cheerful thoughts for a Monday morning ☹️

It's terribly sad and I suppose it could happen to anyone who lives to a very old age, whose friends have died and who have no or only distant relatives. It's upsetting when you hear of someone being discovered many months after their death, as it appears that no one looked out for them or missed them.

I watched a similar programme which was local to me. It was following house clearance guys who emptied properties when someone died. They were sweeping crystal glasses straight into bin bags. Everything was dumped but these things have a value. I'd rather see house clearance for sale at a car boot sale, than dumped. These guys worked for the council so weren't allowed to keep or sell anything.

When my brother and I cleared out our parents home. He wanted to chuck it all away or take it to charity shops. I wanted to sort through carefully and keep things like treasured ornaments, passports, photos etc
That was two years ago and I am already beginning to think "why did I keep stuff" It's in the loft and no one else will be interested - perhaps he was right?

I'm surprised council workers have to take usable items to landfill, as most local councils are very keen on meeting or surpassing their recycling targets these days. What a waste (though in the case of the OP, if contamination might have occurred, it's understandable).

Those of you doing your own "clearances", please bear in mind that your relatives might want things you don't really consider valuable. I was upset for example, as were my DC, when I heard that DMIL's collection of very old glass Christmas decorations ended up being taken to the tip. When she died, all DD1 wanted was her button box.

I know that stuff shouldn’t matter, but yet it does ( to me) and I take pleasure in all that we have.Periodically, we do go through things , ask the DC if they would like extra glassware or tableware (they do) and either pass on books and dvds to family and friends or the charity shops.Other than that, we intend to keep and enjoy our things, but don’t mind what happens to it after we die.
We will all be forgotten about eventually of course, and it doesn’t matter at all.

Yes, it’s always so very sad when old people die alone with no one to even notice that they have gone. I think I am very lucky to have kids and grandkids who will celebrate my life when I pop my clogs, however, many people just never wanted kids. If a person is a loner by choice it’s not so sad I suppose, but lonely otherwise, I really think is such a tragedy.

We weren't overly sentimental about my mums stuff. We put her rise and recline chair outside with a 'free' sign on it. A few teens wheeled it up and down the road a few times, but then a nice man, with his car loaded up with his mum-in-law, her walking frame, her wheelchair, etc saw it and came back to collect it.
He was over the moon, and so were we to think it went to someone who it really helped.

I think you die how you lived. Some people choose to be alone, or perhaps it is a result of their upbringing. Just because someone is old does not mean that they are a nice, kind person. Equally knowing a lot of people does not equate to having a lot of friends. I read somewhere that it is impossible to count the number of close friends on more than one hand and I think there is some truth in this. I think that you live on in the memories of those who meant something to you, not much point in a memorial to someone who did not actually know anyone. That sounds harsh, but in 50 years time there is good chance that we won't be more than a fleeting memory no matter how much we are missed at the point of our demise. Blimey, think I'll go for a lie down now!

Lemon grove. I often wonder how many of those unfortunate to be found in that situation do so out of choice not having wanted to keep in touch with relatives.The programme Heir Hunters showed many had not bothered with brothers, sisters or cousins and then those left had found themselves very wealthy although the deceased had lived without many comforts.