A life in black bin bags

I'm so sorry Sally. It's important to have control.

When my DH's aunt went into a care home we were left with the task of clearing her home as her many other nephews and nieces have disappeared from the face of the earth (until she dies and her will is read that is!) . We decorated her room with as much sentimental stuff as we could so that she was surrounded by familiar pictures and favourite possessions and I sorted through thousands of photographs turning them into albums for her. But it's physically impossible to keep everything and even donating to charities and selling other things for her sadly a lot of stuff was binned.
Having been down this difficult and emotional road and looking my own mortality in the eye a little too closely now that I have incurable cancer I am trying to reduce my own possessions. If my DCs express a desire to own something I have then I'll save it but other than that if it's been stored away for over a year then it's going, either to charity, auction or the tip. At least this way I still feel in control of what happens to the things that were once important enough to spend good money on.

Yes it's sad that an elderly man dies alone and nobody knows.

But in many ways, that is a good death. Dying peacefully in your favourite armchair in your own home surrounded by your books, music and memories.

Better that than dying in a care home with all your independence gone, possessions having been "cleared" out of your home and having suffered the indignities of the care system.

Due to the inevitable marching on of time, we"re all only be going to be remembered by a couple of generations, in a physical way, at least. Just this evening, as I was looking at family history research carried out by a relative, I was thinking of my maternal granny. She lived until I was twelve, and I spent a lot of time at her house, actually sleeping with her when I stayed the night. She didn't have a lot to say, and I gleaned little from her, though I was fond of her. I tell my grandchildren lots of stories about my own past, some of which I hope they will remember. The best way to pass on family history - though even better if it was written down! Another thing I haven't gotten round to.

Before you throw old photos away, check with other family members who may want then. A cousin threw all his mothers away including some of real value to me which woukd have been usedul in my reaearch on my grandparents. I loved sorting trough things of my mothers when she died, reliving times past and having forgotten memories revived. It felt an important part of the grieing process. Some things were recycled, some used, some given away and some have been cluttering up our house for a year while I decide where they go. Not all 'stuff' is valueless and a lot of things I have kept are being used by GC or stimulating their interest in history, geology etc. My rock and fossil collections are part of who I am to the GC. And I also recycle a great deal of stuff. Everything in moderation!

Stalky and Co!! Oh Deedaa that's was on our bookshelf at home, I haven't thought of it for years but I remember it was in a faded orangey coloured binding with gold lettering. I wonder where it went ...

Many many years ago my father borrowed his sister's copy of "Stalky and Co" and it was never given back. I loved it and kept it after he died and eventually I returned it to my aunt. Over the years it became a family joke. My aunt went into a home and I helped her sort out the books she wanted to take with her, including Stalky. When she died I contacted a cousin and asked if she could look through my aunt's stuff and find the book for me. She phoned me to say she had found it and said "Why didn't you just ask her for it ages ago?" How on earth can you say to someone "Look you obviously aren't going to last very long, I'll just take your favourite book now shall I?"

Day6 that old gentleman will live on in your memory and your kind concern.
Lemongrove I too like my bits and pieces, especially those that link me to friends or family. It makes me think of them and enjoy the memories. But I don't expect the next generations to feel the same - my DIL is a minimalist and won't want any of it and that's fine. My DD will want a few bits and that's fine too. They will live their lives in their way. So I'll go on enjoying my "stuff" while I'm here!

We’ve got lots of things which belonged to family. They keep their erstwhile owners in our thoughts daily, and I really treasure them. DDs won’t be able to have all of them when we die, but I know they’ll keep some of them. We keep loved ones alive by remembering them. It is very sad when there is no-one to do this.

I have just cleared my neighbours house after her passing.She wanted her clothes to go to Age uk,all seven double wardrobes full.they filled in excess of thirty bags ,and the rest of the house to a local Cats protection shelter

I helped some relatives clear an elderly relations home and while they were just putting everything in sacks to go to the tip I was busy rescuing things that I felt could go to a charity shop or be re-used in some way.

After that first day they never told me when they were going to clear the house so most of it did end on the tip. However they did at the end leave lots of bags of clothes and papers in the garage and as I lived much more locally than them asked if I could take them to the tip.

I duly took everything home. I sorted through the clothes and while some were only fit for the bin, over half of them I was able to take to a charity shop. The papers I just took to the tip. I was feeding them through the slot of the paper recycling skip when I noticed a manilla envelope with documents in, which I put to one side.

When I got home and looked at it, it was the complete correspondence my grandfather received when organising a big and important religious event in London in the 1930s. A cousin had been asking about this event only weeks previously. What other family archives may have been disposed of by these relations by marriage. I have no idea.

Yes siverlinig48 I remember Mr Trevus ,everybody in work used
to talk about him each week What a character he was.I also remember how patient and kind the men from the council were,especially the boss man ,.

When clearing out MiL's flat after she'd died it was sad to find so many things still in their original packaging that she'd considered 'too good' to use.
Use your good linens, glasses and China ladies!

My DD has already told me that she will sell my collection of Lilliput Lane Cottages (over 100) & Giles Cartoon Annuals.

I have downsized twice in 6 years so have disposed of a lot of books, photos, ornaments etc. I would be reluctant to part with all DM's photos as I have been doing family tree research. Old photos of an area are often of interest so please don't just "bin them".

Most of DM's possessions are to be sold when she dies, there are only one or two items that DD & myself want. DM has 3 double wardrobes full of clothes, guess local Charity Shops will do well.

I feel a bit like that sometimes too OP with houses on Homes under the Hammer. They are obviously being sold by auction after an old person's death - there are often things around the rooms that have been left behind, like walking frames and commodes. It saddens me when they laugh about the awful colours of the woodwork and garish wallpapers; and particularly lack of mod cons in the kitchens and bathrooms and no central heating etc. I think, some poor old person has been living in that. Sad.

Even if this sort of isolation is wholly or partly intentional (and I would think it is quite rare for someone to wish to be entirely isolated), I still think it's sad that someone dies and nobody even notices.

Day 6 this seemed appropriate.

People
Yevgeny Yevtushenko

No people are uninteresting.
Their fate is like the chronicle of planets.

Nothing in them is not particular,
and planet is dissimilar from planet.

And if a man lived in obscurity
making his friends in that obscurity
obscurity is not uninteresting.

To each his world is private,
and in that world one excellent minute.

And in that world one tragic minute.
These are private.

In any man who dies there dies with him
his first snow and kiss and fight.
It goes with him.

There are left books and bridges
and painted canvas and machinery.
Whose fate is to survive.

But what has gone is also not nothing:
by the rule of the game something has gone.
Not people die but worlds die in them.

Whom we knew as faulty, the earth’s creatures
Of whom, essentially, what did we know?

Brother of a brother? Friend of friends?
Lover of lover?

We who knew our fathers
in everything, in nothing.

They perish. They cannot be brought back.
The secret worlds are not regenerated.

And every time again and again
I make my lament against destruction.

I'm in the process of going through old photos with my 94 year old mum and writing the names on the back of them . She can't remember what happened 10 mins ago but can indentify everyone in the photos from 85 years ago ! We are gradually sorting the large family house crammed full (and cellar) she still lives in with my brother . It will be sold when she dies . We are starting on my late father's large book collection soon although few charity shops will want his eclectic collection I'm sure !

I saw the same programme as you. It is an awful thing to think that someone dies alone in a situation like that, with nobody knowing him or realising what has happened. It would seem he was quite intelligent and well read by the kind of books they found. Because the property was contaminated everything had to go. In other properties in dire conditions that these cleaners have to deal with I don,t think there is the time to sort anything out that might possibly be suitable to give to charities ( might not be allowed to anyway). It is really sad watching these programmes to realise just how unfortunate some people are, to be living like this, and how the state of their minds must be to get into this situation. Much credit to the cleaners who take on these mammoth jobs ...I certainly could"nt do it.

Could I live how some friends of mine are living.
On one of our coffee mornings recently, we three, I was surprised to hear these friends had decided that all but their basics had been given to charity.Their reason they did not want to burden their family with the clearing out process which is a part of our lives others have to deal with .
Many the time I cursed having to dust so many of my collectables and wondering what I was going to do with all my books although having read them were also collecting dust.My sets of crystal wine glasses, Royal Doulton dinner services? I did like to ring the changes but now all hidden away. Since DH passed away and many of our business associates moved I don't give dinner parties any more Do I really need to hoard, I can't take these objects where I am going to end up.
I have a TV, tablet and laptop.Do I need my books? CD's etc and I am beginning to think on similar lines. Any one else feel the same?

Lemon grove. I often wonder how many of those unfortunate to be found in that situation do so out of choice not having wanted to keep in touch with relatives.The programme Heir Hunters showed many had not bothered with brothers, sisters or cousins and then those left had found themselves very wealthy although the deceased had lived without many comforts.

I think you die how you lived. Some people choose to be alone, or perhaps it is a result of their upbringing. Just because someone is old does not mean that they are a nice, kind person. Equally knowing a lot of people does not equate to having a lot of friends. I read somewhere that it is impossible to count the number of close friends on more than one hand and I think there is some truth in this. I think that you live on in the memories of those who meant something to you, not much point in a memorial to someone who did not actually know anyone. That sounds harsh, but in 50 years time there is good chance that we won't be more than a fleeting memory no matter how much we are missed at the point of our demise. Blimey, think I'll go for a lie down now!

We weren't overly sentimental about my mums stuff. We put her rise and recline chair outside with a 'free' sign on it. A few teens wheeled it up and down the road a few times, but then a nice man, with his car loaded up with his mum-in-law, her walking frame, her wheelchair, etc saw it and came back to collect it.
He was over the moon, and so were we to think it went to someone who it really helped.

Yes, it’s always so very sad when old people die alone with no one to even notice that they have gone. I think I am very lucky to have kids and grandkids who will celebrate my life when I pop my clogs, however, many people just never wanted kids. If a person is a loner by choice it’s not so sad I suppose, but lonely otherwise, I really think is such a tragedy.

I know that stuff shouldn’t matter, but yet it does ( to me) and I take pleasure in all that we have.Periodically, we do go through things , ask the DC if they would like extra glassware or tableware (they do) and either pass on books and dvds to family and friends or the charity shops.Other than that, we intend to keep and enjoy our things, but don’t mind what happens to it after we die.
We will all be forgotten about eventually of course, and it doesn’t matter at all.