Why my husband mustn't leave me!

When I was widowed I realised I couldn't do many many things as he always did them... so I had to learn. My new partner gets it very easy as I don't want to feel like that again and 'can' do everything. However we are already slipping into mans work and woman's work, I know.. I am a disgrace to feminism. He does all the handy stuff that I would normally have to pay a trades man person to do and makes me a coffee every morning.. oh and very considerate in the bedroom. What more could i want.

Mine was good at mowing the lawn when we had one, I hated the Flymo but used it when he was recovering from an operation.

Washed up before we moved & gained a dishwasher, he still dealt with hand washing.

Cleaned kitchen & bathroom (well a man clean, I still had to do lightswitches & door panels)

Climbing into loft (no loft now)

Decorated (rely on DD & DiL, same sex marriage, as I can no longer manage most of it) although I helped.

All other jobs fell to me including putting bins out & dealing with cats presents. I dealt with finances.

I miss the laughter & cuddles, miss his company & sharing the driving on long journeys to visit DM, 300 miles now I have to do it on my own but as DM is 88 I have to go to see her. I survived after his death as I had dealt with a good share of the household tasks & best of all used to dealing with all the finances. I would encourage all you lucky ladies to be as involved as possible whilst you have your lovely DHs & also encourage them to use washing machine etc so they're not helpless.

Picking up dog poo before I cut the grass is his most important task.

DH does all the carpentry and joinery needed and enjoys it! Puts up anything needing screws or nails. Cleans gutters, down pipes and blocked drains. Bleeds radiators. Forces insurance co. to honour claims when and as required. Understands large sums of money, mortgage etc whilst I deal with the ordinary household accounts.
BUT they are my cats when they catch anything!

My advice to other cat owners: I can deal with dead mice, shrews, voles and rats, and actually prefer them dead to alive, but birds? I cover the poor little corpse with two sheets of newspaper and pick it up inside them, so I don't have to look at it more than strictly necessary. Roll the paper in the way fishmongers wrapped up fish when we were children and pop the whole caboodle into a plastic bag. Knot said bag shut and dispose of in bin.

He has valiantly accompanied me to the vet on the sad occasions when we realised we would be returning home without an old, ill cat. Attends family funerals too. Lends moral support at dentist and would do so at doctor or hospital if necessary.

DH cleans the bathroom because I find it difficult wriggling into the corners; the gardening is almost exclusively his job; he decorates (although I'm a better wallpaper hanger); if it's fixable, he can fix it; he's my vanquisher of venomous beasties; he's got really long arms and broad shoulders so gives amazing cuddles; he's a great dad and a fantastic grandad; he'll drive hundreds of miles with no prior notice if necessary; he always washes the dishes; he can cook well enough for us to survive for a week or two; he spoils me rotten; he's got a great sense of humour, and the patience of a Saint!
I knew within ten minutes of meeting him that he was 'the one', and I made a pretty good choice, even if I say so myself!
Oh, and just in case anyone missing a sense of humour reads this, I love him to bits too!!!!!

We had a very old dark cupboard in an old flat we lived in. I kept my carpet sweeper in there. I picked up out of the cupboard and as it was upside down a mouse sprang out and landed on my shoulder, I screamed like a looney, my h came and took it off and put it in the garden.
My h is pretty good at coming to the rescue

Wow, some of you ladies are so lucky! DH used to do some things like putting out the bins, the weeding and grass cutting and some shopping, but not very good at DIY. Now that he's not able I do everything, and that has included, in the past eighteen months, selling a house, organising a rental property( much more complex than I thought ), and buying a house, changing wills, and setting up powers of attorney. It has been a massive learning curve, and, all the while, his physical and mental health were deteriorating. I'm putting a different spin on this - I'm convincing myself that this has all been very good for me, despite the stress, which was overwhelming at times. I'll be 'in charge' of everything from now on, so hoping that the mental and physical exercise will help keep me as fit as possible for as long as possible. Wishful thinking?

I do EVERYTHING in the house and garden. Over at my daughter's place Wednesday looking after two throwing -up kids while she was working, he phoned me to tell me that he was mowing the front lawn ( usually my job)... how difficult it was as still a bit damp and how long it was taking him. I said nothing....he wanted applause!! I told him that HE should've walked the 4 miles to our daughter's at 6.30 am ... and HE should be clearing up the copious amounts of vomit ... and all this with no telly to distract the darlings as it was broken!! He said " surely it's not a competition of who was having the worst day" ..... I was raging and said "Try the worst life"... he put the phone down!! Good decision.

Saggi. Wow!
Am I to assume the song 'All you need is love' will not feature in your life?

All alone, so loft is unused, things get stored in the shed or under the bed. Car gets washed in Tesco car park, I bought an electric spider thingy (£30 WASTED!) Bought a spider spray, collected conkers which are lined up along the window sills and bought a spider catcher on a long stick. DIY is minimal, if it requires drilling it's down to the brother in law or son, had the lawn turned into a gravel garden, decorating is done by the landlords so most things are covered. Would be nice to have a companion for trips out though.

I just stamp the floor when I see large spiders and that way they keep away from me...

ExDH did no DIY nor household tasks, so there is nothing to miss from the DIY angle. A very good woman friend of mine with strong opinions, said after said exDH had moved out;
'' Boy I can't believe a man actually lived here''.

Meaning he didn't live up to any standards of manly DIY maintenance.

'crunchy' spiders kitty? You're not supposed to eat them ?

My husband does all the cooking, looks after the grandkids when I don't want to, looks after me when I'm ill, drives me around when we go out, and loves my crazy Spanish family. He also does all the gardening.I love him to the moon and back.

Mine does sod all but loves me

I am on my own...if I can't do it...it don't get done. I now, at 66, have bought a narrow boat to live on. Learning new skills all the time. Catching a mouse or spider is simple by the way...glass over card under and out the door. I have learnt the skill of catching a spider in my hand and throwing it out...boat seem to have loads. No mice though...where I used to live I had them. Please ladies...get real...do things...one day you might be on your own.... Sorry I get annoyed when women say they can't go something because it is scary...apologies for that,

Well said oddbird and enjoy your boat

Mine takes care of setting up all all things technological, (computers/phones/ipods/ etc and booking holidays, only because I don't have the time as I do everything else!! Too much fiddle faddling when he does anything. Quicker to do it myself. The last time he emptied the bins, he broke his shoulder because he chose to do it in the dark! which added to my workload having to do things he couldn't do for 3 months...so no more bin emptying for him! To be fair he will do any job as long as it involves sitting down and takes weeks to complete. The upside is that he is very kind and would do anything for anybody as long as he is sitting down!! Oh, and he does his own cooking.

Mine boosts me up when I lack confidence. He tells me I can do things when I think I can’t. He makes me a stronger person.
Yes he’s great at DIY and chores around the house, but I can do that stuff or get someone in to do them.

I'd miss him if he left. I'd miss his companionship, seeing family and friends together, planning what we'll do for holidays or special occasions. He's a doting dad and grandfather, he even likes my dogs. Yes, the dogs are mine, if he lived without me, he'd have no dogs, if I lived without him I fear I may have more dogs than sense. I agree with Theoddbird, I'm not fond of spiders or mice but I can manage. I draw the line at rats but have the number of the rat chap so that solves that one.

Well said Theoddbird, I don't understand why some women assume there will always be a man around to sort things out - divorce or widowhood will mean a very steep learning curve.

Not just divorce/widowhood - long term disability, dementia or progressive illness can leave you as chief cook and bottle washer, in charge of everything from window cleaning, taxing/insuring/maintaining/driving the car, completing tax returns on line, chopping wood, shopping, cooking, cleaning, gardening and in addition 'on call' 24/7 for help and support.

Twiglett77.......What makes you think that some women assume that there will always be a man around to help out?.
I certainly don't!. I can do most things my DH does and often a lot better!. We've discussed everything.

The important thing is to teach both your sons and your daughters to look after themselves. You never know what life holds for them, and the idea of a female who can’t use a screwdriver because she’s a girl, or a boy who can’t cook and sew on a button because he’s a boy, is surely a thing of the past.

Mine does virually all the gardening and car maintenance plus some DIY. Oh, and the bins. He also often vacuums the house and goes to the shops if I give him a list. Also does most of the finance and drives all the long distance and holiday trips - well , whenever we're both in tha car really.
But he never cooks (apart from opening tins eg beans on toast) and rarely washes up. I d sll the cooking , washing up, washing and ironing. He also refuses to deal with spiders saying I can do it so I do! No cat so no mice problems. He does deal with wasps which I hate.
All in all I'm pretty satisfied - I think Ive got a good 'un! He gives good cuddles too!

First husband totally useless; present husband does lovely practical things, understands the boiler, deals with MOT/repairs for my car as well as his, unloads the dishwasher, brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning and is a major cuddle junkie. I can forgive the minor irritations like not putting the lid back on the teabag jar and seemingly being physically unable to close a door or a drawer!