Malapropisms, etc.

My neighbour always used Durex when he was decorating, said it went on more easily than cheaper brands.

Woman wbo lived in our street according to mum was very effluent

Lovely old lady who looked after us as children, did a mixed wash in our first ever washing machine and complained that our white socks had come out with a pink twinge. We were on strict instructions never to laugh at the funnies she came out with.

Here#s a recent one, and by a BBC newsreader no less!

About a month ago, with Kim and trump exchanging insults, this man said they were exasperating the situation!

....mind you, it's not a bad comment, is it??

Back in the 90s at the height of the salmonella-in-eggs scare, an elderly lady asked me why they were putting semolina in eggs.

My friend is still convinced, 50 years on, that she passed her driving test in a Ford Angular!

One of my mums friends told us that her son had passed his HIV License and was now qualified to drive ejaculated lorries.

I had to point out to my mother (after I had grown up) that "foreskin" does not mean the skin on a person's forehead.

On of Daddy's cousins had as a child talked about "oogur" instead of sugar and that lived on in the family.

I remember insisting that curtains should be undrawn in the morning, as I found it strange that "to draw the curtains" can either mean to close or to open them. Grannie corrected me on that one!

One that particularly sticks in my mind is when my MIL called her friend Mrs Nipples! Her name was actually Pennells.

This is such fun to read! Glad to see I'm not alone in doing "funnies". Very often mix "kitchen" with "chicken". But I am French speaking! That's my excuse and sticking to it

My FIL worked as a car park attendant at Blenheim Palace after retirement. He always talked about limerines (limousines). He also used to call Doberman dogs Dormobiles. His wife could never remember the word 'hysterectomy' and often mentioned her 'ectostretna'. I once referred to a mural as a Muriel a la Hilda Ogden and she used the word from then on. I didn't have the nerve to tell her it was a joke.
These mistakes and others became every day words amongst the family.

My mum is a nervous flyer. She was flying alone one time when there was turbulence. The lady next to her could see my mum's distress so took her hand and said kindly 'don't worry dear it's only terminal'!!
During a stay in hospital recently my mum was a bit disoriented. On the phone she told me she didn't know if she was 'arther or marther' and wondered why I laughed. When I explained I thought it was a bit late in life to be confused her sexual orientation she was horrified as she'd been telling the nurses that!! She hadn't felt she could say arse from elbow in the hospital bless her.
I have a Portuguese friend who sometimes mixes her English up. She told her husband not to beat himself around the bush ?

Menstrual cyclone would fit what my DD suffers every month, before and during.

When my DGS1 was born DD said she needed "muslims" had to point out they were actually called muslins, I can't describe the picture in my mind

As a child we always parked the car in a "Par Cark"

musicelf DH used to work for IBM and DSs are convinced he worked for the CIA, but that is because he is hopeless at anything technical!

I saw one on an Australian site on FB yesterday apparently a driver was "sweating bullets"

Oops - how did I put that twice?!

I love all of these on this thread!

My first husband worked for IBM and my grandma told everyone that he worked for the FBI.

My German mother used to ask for "dedicated coconut" and use hot water from the "emergency heater."

I love all of these on this thread!

Husbands friend was in hospital with a connery.He liked documentaries about murder and forscenics.

My mother used to get all the old saying wrong my favorite was when she told my brother, who was moaning about his job in engineering being dirty. Where there is muck there is dirt. and a person how took photographs was a toefografer....

I like 'defatigated', think I might adopt that one.

I love all of these!

My MIL had open heart surgery and insisted that the surgeon had cracked open her scrotum! My DH had to take her to one side and tell her that it was impossible and that it was sternum.

An old friend was talking about his new neighbours - "They're quite nice. She goes to work every day and puts the baby in a quiche ...."

We have bi-fold doors and constantly refer to them as bifocals