Malapropisms, etc.

My Mum got mixed up with bollocks and bollards. It led to some interesting conversations. She must have taken fter her mother who once said “I don’t like her, she’s always fornicating over me”. I think she meant fawning}

My elderly neighbour calls her clematis her clitorus....
Working for Boots may years ago I on perfumes had request for Catshit...and anus anus.....cachet and Anais Anais

I was stressed during my A level Geography exam, and on reading back a paragraph on the Far East that I had written in haste, I discovered I had put Honk Honk (instead of Hong Kong). I laughed out loud, and disturbed the peace of the exam hall.

Absolutely wonderful, all of these! I have been laughing out loud ?. Not quite the same but once someone I know confused (in public) the name Willy Wonker to Wally W..ker, and wondered why we were falling about!! I snigger even now about it.

My late and much missed grandmother was terribly prudish, a real Victorian. She confused the terms 'vegetarian' and 'lesbian', which though may sometimes be used to describe the same person, are definitely NOT interchangeable!

A fellow pupil and I were thrown out of the PE class during a Scottish country dancing lesson, for naming the dance "Strip the Widow", instead of "Strip the Willow". Being a nun, she was not amused.

I'm corpsing reading these ......

Thank you all for giving me the best laugh I've had in ages. Mo OH is watching a documentary and thinks I've gone bonkers.

DM shocked herself by asking me to come and see her penis - meaning pieris.

My aunt used to refer to the change of life as her monoplus!

My friend believes that people can have beautiful or nasty 'auroras'.

An ex work colleague was a fund of these!

She completely believed in mahogany (monogamy)

Loved a house for it's "Panasonic" views

Was advised to avoid a particular fish in Egypt because "If you even touched it's utensils (tentacles) you could die"

Her spare glasses made her look like Dave Haemorrhage (Dame Edna Everage)

Mind you, I'm one to talk, I once dashed into DS1's primary school worrying that I had sent the wrong thing in for the white elephant stall, asking them to look out for a decorative plate depicting Scrooge talking to the ghost of Bob Marley

When we were 18 my friend and I went on holiday to Spain. Her grandmother told us to "watch them Spaniels".

DH can't understand why I'm crying here. Just love the "en croute" bathroom!

I enjoyed hearing John Prescott giving an interviewer his views on Britex

Judy park, loool !

My auntie Doris was a regular Mrs Malaprop, my cousin had an 'en croute' bathroom, and her husband an 'herbaceous hernia' !!

When I was a child I told my mum a midget had bitten me. I meant midge, and she found it hilarious. I also liked "damsel" jam.

DM's sturdy new shoes were Husky Puffs!
I thought that a poetic term for a happy time was 'halycon' days for years. Then I failed to find the word in a dictionary when wondering about its derivation but found 'halcyon' came from a type of kingfisher.
A enthusiastic and (over) confident teacher told her class about 'raccoon' pottery. She also gave a science lesson on 'matters of state'.

My MIL once said she'd been to Utter Exeter and her MIL said she loved Dodorendums in the garden. Love em.

The old lady next door to me was most indignant when she came back from a hospital stay " The doctor told me it was a sciatica hospital, but it was full of mad people!"

When my sister in law moved into their new bungalow, she had got rid of a lot of their stuff and was aiming for a "mimalistic" look!

A friend's husband had ordered a new car and I asked her what kind it was. "I think it's a Chiseller", she said.

My friends mum always called the Cash and Carry which had just opened The Smash and Grab.

My mums next door neighbour said it was time to go indoors after a day spent sitting in the garden, as the "flying midgets" were starting to appear.