Feeling upset with my DD

Very sad Paddyann and definitely gave me food for thought. As my brother in law says: "Don't sweat the small stuff"

pleased

can I put a different spin on this ,many years ago my neighbours family had their holiday arranged,new clothes bought for their 5 year old all put away for the big event...she was desperate to wear some of them but mum said no ,you have to wait.Sadly she had problems at the dentist and was rushed to hospital where it was discovered the bleeding problem was leaukaemia ...she died the day they should have left on holiday.I know this was a rare thing to happen but since then MY kids get presents early sometimes ,always get to wear new clothes ,I use the "best" chrystal on weekdays IF I feel like it ..lifes too short to worry about a gift given early.Let her get enjoyment from it and be leased to see her happy face

Just a follow up to this - and thank you all for your kind words of support and advice. In the end we did go to the birthday party. I told DH the night before that she had already been given her present as her old tablet had broken. He was a bit upset, but when we arrived, SIL made GD get the Kindle and sit with Grandpa for a while before her party guests arrived. She did know it had been from us, so presumably they had drilled it into her! We (or rather I) decided not to take another gift. We just took her a homemade card with unicorns on it! Which she loved. The party was entertained by a young girl dressed up as Rapunzel - the Disney Princess. And a nice afternoon was had by all.
After the party guests had left, I did have a quick word with my daughter, explaining how hurt I'd felt, and that we had only given the gift early not only so that SIL could set it up, but in case DH had been unwell and not wanted to come. But that we had really wanted to see her open her present. She agreed that she had understood but that SIL had overruled her, saying that GD "needed her tablet" as she has a bedtime routine which involves usually watching a cartoon or two before sleep (not that I agree with that either - but that's a separate matter!) As a child who is on the bottom of the Autistic spectrum I understand that she functions best with routine, but two days wouldn't have made a difference would it?
But now it's water under the bridge, I think feathers have been soothed all round and DD did say that she would get GD to write to us thanking us for her Kindle.
On a side note - DH goes back into hospital on 15th September for a reversal of the stoma he'd been left with, so I still feel a little stressed about that, but DD has said she will try to get down once he is back at home again.

Thanks everyone!

MadGrandma was your GD told that it was a gift from you (even though it was early) and have you had a call/text/email of thanks from her?

I agree with Norah give a card saying you are so pleased that she had her gift early etc.

Or her mother could wrap it up the night before as its a gift from you and you would like to see her unwrap it.

These things happen enjoy the day

Sounds like a good idea, ajanela, my only worry would be the child inadvertently saying something that would 'give the game away'.

I personally prefer the additional small gift on the day, preferably kindle-related.

Anajela, that might work! Alternatively the idea of a small extra gift on the day is a good One. Yes it was thoughtless of your D and SiL to give the present early but some people dont make a big deal about wrapping paper etc. I agree its best not to make a big issue about it with the parents and cause a falling out but Id explain to the child that theyd already had the main present. Ask the child to show your DH how the kindle works.
We decided some years ago that as the GC have so many presents at Christmas we'd put money into their trust fund instead and this was discussed with the parents who were very happy with this. Last Christmas one of the grandhildren said 'Granny why dont you give us any Christmas presents? ' I explained, but was quite upset that the parents hadnt told them!

Very simple. Ask daughter to explain it to her grand daughter that she needs the kindle back for a few hours so granddad can officially wrap it up and give it to her on her birthday. Take some wrapping paper to do this with you,

A mistake was made and this is the best way I can think of so everyone will be happy,

Lovely idea from Anya.I would suggest you tell your DH a few days before you go to visit so he's got time to calm down.

Please don't miss you dear little granddaughter's birthday, remember the saying- don't bite off your nose to spite your face.

I agree with everyone who has said take a small gift with you and ask all about the Kindle. You are going to have to talk this over with DH but I guess it would be best if you appeared to be not too upset as you will fire him up, say you both must go for the childs sake. You could do with having a chat with your DD sometime, I realise this is not easy due to distance. I am sorry you have had such a stressful time of it.

Whatever you do don't jeopardise your relationship with your DGD. . . . do whatever it takes, including "zipping it"! I should defo have a word with DH and, if he can't zip it too, tell him to stay home!

Love the idea of buying a cover ...plus ask GC to show you how Kindle works!

Totally agree with OP. There is nothing like seeing your GC's face when opening a gift that is given with love. Now they will not witness that joy of their GD taking the wrapping off to find they have received what they wanted. SIL sounds like a control freak. I Really hope your DH is not too upset.

Don't tell him about what has happened. The poor man has enough to cope with at the moment - I think you are making too much of the whole situation. If you step back and think about the the overall scheme of things going on in your life - and in your husbands life - it's small fry! Annoying - maybe, but worth upsetting yourself and your family - absolutely not!

I also forgot to say, I agree agree with what Anya said about asking your husband not to make a big thing of it as you have both had a very stressful time recently and you really don't think you can cope with any more upset.

Also, the suggestion that a cover for the Kindle would be a small gift you could give her on the day.

Madgrandma My feeling is that you and your husband have had a very difficult and worrying time recently and it appears that, despite this, you have gone to the effort and expense of buying a very nice present for your granddaughter. I think it is understandable that you were disappointed the gift had been handed over before the little girl's birthday.

I think it was thoughtless - and rather presumptuous - of your daughter and son-in-law to do this but perhaps they hadn't realised it would upset you (though I do think an acknowledgment of your disappointment, rather than an off the point comment from your son in law, would have been nice).

Although you feel hurt and annoyed, I think it would upset you both (and, I imagine, your granddaughter) if you missed her birthday or had an argument about it. So my feeling is you should try to forgive their thoughtlessness and go and see your granddaughter on her birthday. If you stay at home, seething, you are likely to feel even more miserable.

I think it's the lack of visits from your DD which has hurt you terribly and now this. Has magnified the situation. I also would let it go.

Why could not the child have been given the tablet (wrapped and unopened and for dad to set it up) on her birthday.? It is now water under the bridge and I would not let it upset you as both DH and yourself are under a lot of stress due to DH illness.GD is old enough to be told her grandfather is not well and that is why she had her present from you early if you could not be there to give it to her in person.

I think this is typical of the current generation.My daughter has done similar things - no sense of occasion. I've done my present duty and it's her kids, not mine, so I just forget it.

MadGrandma
I have sent you a PM.

The cover for a kindle is a nice gift idea, or perhaps an amazon voucher for a small amount, say £10 so you could then sit with your DGD and help her choose books to put on it? Yes, it was insensitive of your DD and SiL, but as long as your DGD knows the gift was from you then no harm done. As to your DH, yes, he has been ill, yes he has an ongoing medical problem, but you have had to deal with all the worry and the stress, and he needs to be told that you do not want your DGD upset, or yet another family member estranged because of his bad temper. Please go to your DGD birthday, this situation is the fault of adults who should have known better, not the fault of a 7 year old child excited about seeing her grandparents on her birthday.

A cover for the tablet is a great idea, or an Amazon gift card so she can choose her own cover, or a gift card for an app or two, or for music? None of these are expensive, but can be given with a gentle reminder that she already received her "big" present from you both.

Very thoughtless of your daughter - she could at least have phoned you first to ask if you would mind. However as others have said it really isn't worth causing a major rift. Like others have also suggested, my first thought was that perhaps you could give GD a cover for the Kindle. We bought a nice magenta one for our GD. Or if she already has a cover, any small gift would go down well, making sure she knows that your main gift was the Kindle.

We also have a situation in the family where a grievance could be aired, with perhaps things being said and regretted later, so have decided on the old adage 'Least said, soonest mended' and are blaming it all on DD's hormones!