Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Think Menopaws has run off with Big Jim. I saw her walking up the path earlier, dolled up to the nines and Big Jim was standing there, picking the fag ash out of his string vest. He wolf whistled and Menopaws swooned at his feet. Last I saw, they were driving off in Big Jim's Reliant Robin. Don't think they'll be back tonight Bambam. Don't know how the bar would have managed without you pulling Bishop's Fingers.

I'm in the middle. I'm Old Spice.

Ah yes well what happened was this....yes I did get a whistle from BJ but actually bumped into the Admiral round the corner and he seemed very sad so I had to take him home for a bit...anyway sorry Bam will make it up to you tonight

Good look Chewy! Can I have a large gin and easy on the tonic ( posh bird me!) cos I can't sleep.

If I had known you were still up Jane, I would have joined you. A large Gin and bitter lemon while you are at it, Chewy. I certainly need it.
I have a busy day, so see you all later.

Oh! Morning! Me and Hubert have been snoozing behind the barrels all night. Jason tried to snuggle up but we had to push him out (bit smelly after being used as a wee mop yesterday).
Dreamt that Chewy was a member of the Spice Girls, that Union Jack looked familiar though, a bit like the one missing from the British Legion Club.
This place looks a tip this morning, who does the cleaning?
Anyhow I'm off, my sparky frock's a bit rumpled and lost a dangly earing. I'll be back later, for a few Shandies.

Lovely to see soop but mystified by her comments so must sift through a certain thread to see what’s what

wanders off baffled to see if can summon with willpower to use GN search facility

Poor Jason! Am thinking of keeping him at home, he is treated abominably here.Anyway, have just brought him a bag of pigs ears, so he will be happy now.
Think we may have to rethink who is behind the bar, what with marydoll running off to Italy with the contents of our swear box, and Bam drinking our entire stock of Drambuie in a day!
I will be running things for an hour or two, then when I go off to have me feet done, Chewy or Jane can take over.
Meno can do the early evening slot.?

Right! marigolds on and disinfectant in hand, here I go.

Since you approved of the lousy upside down cake I have created my own take on an Eton Mess. It's teaming with calories, tastes vile and looks evil. A little goes an awful long way. I'll wipe my feet before I leave. I've standards to uphold.

Charming! ?

lemongrove You know that orrible spray stuff that you see advertised on tele' - that does away with pongs such as old socks, wet dogs, stale beer, fag ash and the likes...well, I'm leaving a can to help you with the chores. It's flammable. Take care when squirting it in the kitchen. There would be a hell of a bang!

Oh soop Eton Mess, how lovely. It lives up to its name doesn't it? Is it supposed to be a foot a wide and dripping off the edge of the bowl? Anyway, I'm sure it will be delish! who can we pass that onto?

I've been practising a new song all day to day. "The Hills Are Alive", and I'll sing it tonight. I've got me nuns outfit all ready.

Hellooooo fellow Argy Bargiers, I've heard we have a treat tonight, Chewy with her interpretation of songs from that Sound of Music musical. Who's behind the bar this evening?
I've done my wack for a while, once they get you behind the bar, that's it!!!
A pint of Old Perculiar please!

Well, until Meno or anyone else gets here, I will do another bar stint.
It’s not just the hills that are alive Chewy the cushions in here are alive too, some fleas escaped the flea-ey armageddon unleashed by Anya.I will use the can that Soop left in the kitchen ( or we can drown them in the eton mess?)

Helloooooowwww! Can I have a bit of service please??
It's like the Maria Celeste in here tonight.
Oh well, I'll just have to help mese!f, can't be late, I'm meeting that Admiral bloke in half an hour. He wants to show me his Ships Log.
Be back when it livens up a bit.

Here you go Bambam, pint coming up. Menopaws is the gaffer tonight. She said that she got "distracted* last night by an admiral of the fleet. If it's the same one that Marydoll has been stalking for these last few weeks, there could be a ruckus tonight when she finds out. You'll be glad to know that lemon is taking her dog Sidney home; she says you've not looked after it properly Bambam! he! he! he!

Oh Lemon, there you are. I wondered what that snoring behind the counter was.
Thought I'd walked into the wrong place tonight the place was so spruced up.
Apart from a pong from that Eton Mess in the bar but I've sorted that. Given it a good old spray of Febreze, will add to the taste as well
I was looking forward to Soop's Rock Buns but she's made us this instead has she? Nice!!!!

Ships log been inspected already Bam? Been found wanting has it? Thought you would be missing for hours.?

Oh Lemons gone now has she! I can't think what she means, I threw it a bit of haggis slices now and then but anyway he was a bit smelly.
I hope it's not the same Admiral showing me his Ship's Log later

Err! No Lemon! I'm seeing it later on!

this Admiral sounds like a bit of a cad, better watch my step

Anyways I'll be off now to meet my "friend", looking forward to Chewys fantastical singing later.

Ok ok I'm here, just run up the road to get here but can't run in these high heels and tight skirt, who wants a glass of home made leftovers punch?

I am usually a timid wee soul, (despite what the others say). Just to clear a few things up Wham Bam, (or whatever you are called) The Admiral and Big Jim are very CLOSE friends of mine.
You seem to have a very thick skin and cannot seem to take a hint. So I'll spell it out for you.
Stay away from MY men!!! Otherwise, I will lock you in Chewy's dressing room whilst she is practising and force feed you the lovely Soop's Eton mess
I do hope, dear lady, you get the message.