Argy-Bargy Cafe - enter at your peril ?

Best bitter.

By 'eck Bambam you pull a good pint! I've asked Soop for some rock cakes for the bar. From the way she's described them, we can either sell them as cakes or use them to shore up the wall in the outside lav.

Psssst, has my boss been in here looking for me?

Marydoll No worries, as some say. The ingredients were all a bit iffy. It didn't take too long to bung everything in an old cracked mixing bowl and beat the daylights out of them with an old washing up brush. I've never owned a decent whisk. Not on my list of priorities.

He did stagger in from that posh place across the road with a f!oozy on his arm but I acted dumb and said I'd never heard of you
Looking forward to Soops delish rock cakes and I'll pickle a few stale eggs tonight. Go down well in here.

Chewbacca There are many uses for my rock cakes. We use them for bunging up the holes through which the mice pay a visit. Over time they pong a bit. The mice don't seem to care.

Have to get going now! Hubert's just pee'd in the corner. I'll mop it up with this old rug. Oh, excuse me Julian, --hope lemon dosnt notice he's all wet and smelly --

Naturally in soop's kitchen everything is pleasant, pristine and perfect. It was awarded five stars (recently) for being the height of good taste. Wouldn't do for us lot to have too much competition. We have exceedingly high standards. Even the pets are house-trained.

New faces love it, I'm just popping home to change into something to welcome you all then I'll be back to take over bar Bam if that suits you, back in a tick (sorry Jason)

That's fine Menopaws! I'm busy at the moment trying to keep Chewy from sliding off her bar stool.
Still she's in good shape considering she's finished off a full barrel of Bishop's Finger over the last few hours.
Hubert was getting a bit stroppy for his tea so I fed him the left over Haggis slices.
Justin seems to have dried off from Huberts, little accident in the corner. Just don't sit him too close to the fire though as it will make your eyes sting.
Just having a little sniffer my self as I've had to work a double shift, due to Staff shortages, I presume.
The bottle bin is a bit full [of empty Drambuie bottles] but I've took it out the back and emptied it.
My corns are playing up, being in my feet all day so I hope Menopaws gets back quick.

Bambam, did my boss come in with his floozy at all? She's small, bright red hair, Scottish accent, drinks like a fish? Didn't mean to stay all day and now I've got loads of work to catch up on and come up with an excuse for where I've been all day. Plus, I smell like a camel and I've got a ridge up my back from sliding off the stool.

Chewy . As my mother would say, "You wee besom!!!"
I shall speak to you later, when I visit the caff!!!

Erm! Yes, he did appear with his red haired floozy, who was falling all over the place. Obviously can't handle her drink, like wot we can!
Anyhow, you was "resting" in the corner so I nonchalantly threw a bar towel over your head. So he never knew it was you. You're metal toe capped boots sticking out might have given you away. But I'm sure he didn't notice.
If I was you I'd splash on a bit of Frebreze and waltz in to work like nothing's happened. You'll soon catch up your work if you focus by closing one eye.
Will say though, you've been damn good company. Especially when you gave us that rendition of Old Man River, had a few of the regulars in tears, that did.

Need a bit of help here? How nice to see all the new faces(hope they are doing some work and not just drinking!)
Has anybody fed the dog?
Alright, Jason? Here’s a ferret fritter I prepared earlier, yum yum.Aww, he loves it.?
Where’s the camel? Are the customers still falling over it?
Do we have a novelty act lined up for tonight?

Yes, Chewy has had many customers in tears recently ( the metal toe capped boots have something to do with it) but she’s a good ole gal.

I'm the act for tonight! I've got a good rousing song to cheer us all up.... Je Ne Regret Rien. I've taken a bit of trouble with me makeup, does it look OK? No smudges? The light in the ladies lav keeps flickering and I couldn't see very well.

?
Yes, you look fine, on you go then, sing away.

It's lucky I'm on the door tonight. There was a complaint about a high pitched screeching coming from the Argy. It seems that the decibel reading went right off the scale and the noise police arrived to investigate. Fortunately, Chewey's screeching singing burst the official's eardrum. I'm pleased to say, he beat a hasty retreat. ?

Omg! What's that horrendous sound. Was in the cellar sleeping checking barrels. Oh! It's you Chewy, thought it was Mariah Carey for a second btw loving your make-up! That purple and green eye shadow really suits you .
So what's going on!

By 'eck, this singing lark works up a thirst, doesn't it? I'll have another pint of Bishop's, purely for gargling purposes, and then I'd better get back on stage. It's a request hour. Any special requests anyone? I can sing rock, opera, musicals, classical, pop, country & western, gospel choir, garage, house and jazz.

Thought I was Part time barkeep but been conned I think. Been behind this bar all day, I've got bunions developing and Menopaws still hasn't come back to take over. What's going on?

Oh! Right away Chewy! A pint of our best Bishop,s Finger coming up!

How about "Hit me baby one more Time" get your hair in bunches like that Britney Spears nutter and a crop top and you'll have the place rocking.

I have a request, Chewy, DON'T SING!

She's getting changed into her cropped top, mini skirt and knee high white socks. Don't upset her Marydoll, she's just getting in the swing of things.
Oh here she is (wild applause ????)

As you were!! She's still gargling with her fourth Bishops!