Having a terrible day

Luckygirl. I am sorry to hear your OHs condition had become so much worse . I think you need to talk to your children and not feel you have to carry this burden by yourself . Your children are adults it's their children who will need this change explaining.
If you feel his delusional behaviour might lead to harm to you , you do need to think about your own safety. (((Hugs)))

Luckygirl just thinking about my post. I know you understand these things from your previous work and I am probably teaching you, as a colleague, how to suck eggs! Do take care of yourself.

I think most of us struggle with the same things as the families we tried to support. It's so much harder to be compassionate yet objective when it's our own loved ones isn't it,
My family remain grateful to a skilled social worker who helped my father make the decision to have regular respite, for the sake of our mother.
Hope you get a good night's sleep Lucky

Luckygirl I'm so sorry, it must be so hard for you.

Lucky girl I would like to add my 'thinking of you ' post
But I would also like to say please talk to your children you don't need to go into great detail but they need to know it is so hurtful to be left out of a big problem Think of it from their point wouldn't they be hurt and upset that they are being kept out of helping you and him I do understand why you are doing it

My Nan didn't have PD but she was on medication that caused delusions she had little girls hiding under the sofa a huge band playing outside the window, layers of rope just beyond her eyes which she was trying to find her way through, and the best one was a murderer sitting next to her I used to try and go along with it and remember talking to the chair asking the murderer if he would kindly go away. I said 'There he's gone now' and she looked at me and said ' don't be bloody stupid he's still there'
I do hope you find the strength to carry on and to confide in your children

That much be so hard for you, luckygirl and very distressing to see such changes in the man you've loved, and who has loved you, for so many years. I can understand your wish to preserve your husbands dignity and privacy with your children. After all protecting our children is what we do from day 1.
But it's a lonely path for you if they know nothing at all about the challenges you face and the worries you have. Is there there a half way position you could opt for? Perhaps hinting that things are changing/becoming more difficult to manage without being too specific with the actual details. Your children too may well want to maintain their respect and view of the man their dad has been and therefore avoid probing if they sense you're being economical with the whole truth of the situation.
Thinking of you as you try to find ways of managing it all. As Nellie says you've dealt with this stuff as a professional. So could you take the advice that you, as a good sw, would have given a carer in this situation?x

My heart goes out to you, luckygirl. It is a dilemma but sometimes we have to think about an issue from the viewpoint of another. If you were in your children's position would you want to know there was a problem, even if only in outline and not detail? You can still protect your husbands dignity with carefully chosen words. My instinct says tell them you are worried and why. Let them support you. I know as the parent we feel we should always be the supporter, but sometimes we need to let our children give something back. Please consider it, you are important, I recently commented elsewhere none of us can care for another of we don't care for ourselves. Please look after yourself. I hope tomorrow looks brighter.

Oh Luckygirl what can I say?

My lovely, wonderful (late) grandad had PD with delusion. We, the grandchildren (who worshipped the ground he walked on) could not believe that this hero of a man could be putting my grandma through what she claimed he was. Without going into too much detail, men in the loft, gardener she was having a relationship with, a red car that was following her etc.

Later I understood how it was. I spent many nights with them and saw it all with my own eyes. Heartbreaking for both him and my dear, dear grandma.

Please I beg of you, talk to your family. This is horrible for you too. You mustn't carry this alone. Xx

So sorry it has been a particularly difficult day among many difficult days Luckygirl ... glad to read so many lovely posts here sending support and love your way - the very best of GN.

I hope you can find carer support for you as things progress for your husband. It is a heavy load for you to bear.

Hugs and xx

Please leave Lucky Girl to decide whether to tell her children or not. I do not know which problems she has with her DH that she wishes to keep private but in the case of my DH there have been totally out of character changes, relating to an out of control Libido accompanied by crude language, which I am most certainly NOT going to discuss with my DDs or GDC. I was however able to tell the CPN which led to calming medication which has resolved the situation.

I think your children might be sad not to have known earlier because when it gets to the stage when they definitely have to know or work it out for themselves they might have wanted to help you ,and it might be easier for them to accept it now and deal with the natural progression rather than find out how difficult he is when they thought all was ok. All the best, please share and you will feel stronger

No advice, just sending every good wish to those concerned with this problem.

I did talk to one of my DD's this morning and will also talk with the others. She shed a tear or two, as did I, at the thought of the dreadful things that are happening to her much-loved father. Things were very bad again today, hut I have sent yet another message to the PD nurse making it clear that we need some input on Monday. All very sad and I send my good wishes to others who are facing these challenges.

Well done and I wish all of you my very best

Best wishes, Luckygirl. Such a hard time for you.

Luckygirl in my working life I spoke with many adult children who said 'Why didn't Mum/Dad tell me what was happening so I could have helped them?' If you were struck with an illness today that meant you were unable to look after your DH, how would they cope? Don't you think it would be easier for the family if they were aware of what you are coping with daily? I'm not advocating telling your DGC - when and how they are told is up to their parents. For your sake as well as your children's I suggest you tell them now. They may well have picked up on some things and are not talking about it out of respect for YOU. You can say you haven't told them before as you wanted to respect DH's dignity but I feel sure they will be more concerned about all you are coping with. Who cares for the carer? If they don't know, how can they help?

PS that reads a bit abrupt, which wasn't intended. I do understand your sadness and grief, but please let them help you xx

Thinking of you Lucky. You know we are here for you!

Luckygirl, and all other GNers in a similar position, I have nothing to offer but my sympathy and best wishes.

Lucky hope today has been better for you for all in same position ?

Hard times Luckygirl, so sorry for you and your DH

Luckygirl I do hope that you get some help from the PD nurse , I think the tablets need looked at
(((((((((hugs )))))))))))

Best wishes to you and your DH Luckygirl
I hope that it has helped in some way to share with your DD.

I'm so glad you've felt able to speak with one of your children, luckygirl, a brave thing to do. I hope tomorrow is a little easier and you have contact from the pd nurse asap. Thinking of you x

Been thinking of you today luckygirl and I am so pleased you were brave enough to speak to your daughter. A tear or two is to be expected, so don't worry about that, you know now that you no longer have to keep a secret. Let's hope the PD nurse responds and is with you on Monday. for you all.